Wonderland
by newblackanubis9
Summary: KakashiXOC. Please see summary. Even Kakashi can't see through this much level of deception, and even though it is supposedly in his own best interests, when has meddling ever done anything but hurt those it is supposed to help?
1. Chapter 1

Wonderland

Disclaimer: None of this is mine except for Kristen. And I am definitely one of the 'Have Nots', so don't bother, I'm just trying to relieve a little artistic pressure. Yosh.

This is M for a reason, as it deals with definitely mature themes, but it's not going to be explicit. Feedback is air, so support your local ecosystem, please. It may be slow going for the first few chapters, but once they actually meet, it'll get a lot heavier. Oh, and if some of the dialogue isn't perfect grammatically, then it's because most people don't speak that way. At least I don't, and I'm better than most.

Most importantly, this is the same Wonderland done by Blackanubis9, who is me. I've had problems with the old account, and so I have had to resort to creating a new one. I'm trying to get this resolved, so please don't think i'm copying someone else's story, I really just want to get these new chapters I have finished done, and I couldn't wait. I hope to get all the other old stories from blackanubis9 uploaded soon.

Ch 1

"What is this all about? What is so secretive that my assistant can't be here?"

She sat on a couch in a room she had never been in before or even had known existed. Deep within the council's chambers, she knew her day had gone to shit, and it wasn't even nine o'clock yet.

"We are here to talk about Hatake." Tsunade looked at the ancient man who spoke first, her curiosity peaked. It did not escape her that these were the two who had helped Danzo in putting Sai on Team 7 all those years ago. And while it had turned out ok, she had definitely learned to be cautious when these two requested an audience.

On cue, the old woman spoke.

"You are well aware that Hatake is getting older, fast approaching his prime. Discreet inquiries have been made, and it seems the Copy Nin has no intention of furthering his line. This is unacceptable. As the son of White Fang, and one in possession of the Sharingan, it is imperative he produce an heir."

"Yes, I am well aware. I did have to sign off on more than one poor excuse for a mission at your request. I assumed they were attempts to promote an attachment with a female for the purposes of breeding. While all shinobi are my responsibility, I feel no obligation to meddle in their personal lives. I am busy enough as it is without worrying about any of their sex lives."

"This is important to the future of Konoha. His abilities are too invaluable to be allowed to die with him. And yet, all those 'poor excuses for missions' were unable to produce results. We need to take action now to find a woman he is compatible with. With the number of S-class missions he signs up for in a year, he needs to have children before he is either too old, or he is killed on a mission. The council has already agreed to give you one chance to find him a wife before we take drastic measures," the old man declared as though bestowing a grand favor to the Hokage.

Tsunade glared at the old man, indignant at being spoken to in such an imperious manner.

"And just how long am I being given to accomplish this? What kind of drastic measures are the council prepared to take?"

"You will be given six months. If he has not shown any indication of improvement, we will send him on a mission of our own. We will make him go to Wonderland."

Tsunade froze.

"No! Surely the council isn't going to go that far! That hasn't been used on a shinobi in over a hundred years! There has to be someone in the whole continent who will attract his attention!"

"We had thought so as well. The mission given to the Haruno girl was our last attempt. She is a capable kunoichi, and even though she failed her primary mission, she was able to accomplish her secondary mission."

"What secondary mission? I knew nothing of that." Nothing was worse than having the council manipulate her ninja behind her back. It never ended well.

"She was to determine what characteristics he desired in a woman. We have the details of that mission if you wish to peruse them. It was because of that report that we deemed Wonderland the only solution. We have already contacted the appropriate government and they sent us five possible solutions. Haruno Sakura reviewed the files and picked out the one she thought would be most likely to capture his attention. Not to mention, the reason Wonderland is so successful is what happens when the girl is brought back to the village. You remember what you were told when you became Hokage, yes?"

"Yes, I know what they will do to her. You have to know what my feelings will be on this. You have to see the ridiculousness of this. There has to be one woman on this whole damn continent that can meet his expectations! How dangerous will it be to send him to Wonderland! What if he doesn't come back! We'll lose him anyway!"

"Their government will have an escort for him when he will be out in public. They understand the obligation they have to fulfill, and the old treaty still stands. He will be fine."

The old woman spoke up for the first time since her original words.

"Haruno revealed in her report that the one non-negotiable requirement for a woman is her complete ignorance of ninja or shinobi. He believes, in his own misguided, romantic fashion, that life in a world centered around shinobi has led to a mindset that he has grown tired of. He wishes to find a woman who has never known our world, who is truly different. He known this is completely unrealistic, and that has led to his promiscuous, bachelor lifestyle. It has already been proven that Wonderland is successful when the right match has been made, and our choice has been approved by more than the Haruno girl. This woman was carefully chosen for compatibility. Hatake will go to Wonderland if you do not find him a woman in six months. The council has decided this for the sake of the village." The old woman sighed, letting her rigid facial muscles relax, giving her a tired aura.

"Hokage, I understand your reservations as a woman. I agree with this decision personally for more than tactical reasons. Hatake has given more to this village than will ever be possible to repay. While the council may merely want Kakashi-san to reproduce to continue his line, I will admit that it is my belief that this ninja deserves to be happy, has earned it through decades of service, more than any other in the village. He should not live out the rest of his life alone."

Tsunade glared at the old woman, searching for duplicity, any clue that she was hiding other motives. While she was sure there were other reasons for her support of the mandate, she had to admit the woman did appear to be telling the truth. And she could not disagree with those reasons. No one deserved to be alone for so long.

"Fine. Send him to Wonderland. I hope you have picked the right man for the right girl. I would hate for all the paperwork this'll cause to be for nothing. I assume I will have to notify Ibiki as well? All the standard protocols? Hell, I don't think I even remember what they are."

"We will give you the protocols. He will need a week to prepare for the culture shock and to sign the non-disclosure paperwork. We will leave the details to you."

The meeting was over and a future was decided.


	2. The first to move are always the pawns

Ch 2

"You wanted to see me, Hokage?"

"Over two hours ago, yes!" She gave the lazy shinobi an appraising glance, trying to figure out merely by looking at him if his mission would be a success. For all the sake it was driving her to drink, it had better be.

"Sit down, Kakashi. You have been assigned a mission by the council that goes beyond rating status."

A second of interest was all she could see before the bored expression was back in his eye. Tsunade could not help but sigh. Once she opened her mouth, there was no turning back.

"There is a mission you will go on that will take you off-continent." _One more sigh couldn't hurt_, she thought.

"Kakashi, what I am about to tell you is a secret known to every Hokage and senior council member in history, and you will be the third in history to know about it beyond that. What you know of our world is actually wrong. While you were taught to believe that our continent is the only one on the planet, there are actually 8. The other seven know of each other, but do not know of us. Three hundred years ago, it became apparent that the rest of the world was declining. The concept of morality and honor were being lost at an alarming rate, and the Hokages back then decided to cut off all contact with the outside continents. While they have grown technologically, their cultures have become base, influenced only by greed and sin. The council has decided that it is time to assess the condition of the other continents by bringing someone here." She paused a moment to judge his reaction so far, but he was careful not to give anything away.

"Regardless of my approval of their methods, it has been the policy of every council in the past to bring someone here every hundred years or so. This person is selected by the government we have the primary 'relationship' with, as it is the most powerful. You will be given a file on your target, and a crash course in their culture. You will have an escort at all times, except for when you are doing reconnaissance and the actual acquiring of the target. Please, remember that there is a reason our entire continent has chosen to keep its' solitude, and limit your exposure to their culture as much as possible. Get in, get the target, get out, and forget what you see. It is obviously impossible to completely forget, and that is why you will immediately after undergo a voluntary memory genjutsu. You will remember that you willingly gave up the exact details of their culture, and you will remember everything about the mission pertaining to the target. It has been found that this makes it easier for the mind to accept the background details that it can no longer remember. I know you are a private person, Kakashi, but nothing will be erased, the technique is only designed to make certain memories muddled and indistinct. The other two shinobi who went this mission reported no ill effects of the genjutsu.

You will have one week to prepare, and another week to make it to our border and out to sea to your pickup point. There is special equipment you will be taught to use for navigation, and it is imperative that you return that equipment in working order. Do you have any questions?"

"This target is merely for the council to gauge the status of the outside world?"

"Yes. It is something that has only been trusted to the most honorable and skilled shinobi, and while there will never be any acknowledgement of this mission, know that there was no one else ever considered for a mission of this importance. Here is the file and related materials, I'll see you for debriefing when you get back."

Kakashi accepted the small pile of scrolls and had made it to the door before she called out to him one last time.

"Kakashi? One piece of advice? While the target is not a threat to our security and is a civilian, she has taken lives in the name of self-preservation. Do not treat her as a ninja, but do not underestimate her, either. She has to be brought back intact and in good health. The rest is up to your discretion."

He gave a short nod before disappearing in a puff of smoke.

* * *

Not trusting any of his hiding spots around the village to give him the privacy he needed, as Naruto had become increasingly able to find him when he really wanted to, his apartment was the only place he had left. Making sure all his windows and doors were locked, he pulled the blinds in his bedroom window before opening the first scroll. It was the file on his target. Intensely curious as to whom he was, he devoured the information.

Mission rating: N/A

Target: Kristen Pierce

Action required: Acquirement

Mission notes: Full history has been disclosed due to foreign location of target. Target will be handed over to the council with no more than minor damage for information extraction. (_Kakashi winced at the wording, knowing Ibiki would more than likely be the one doing the extracting, and Ibiki went no easier on someone just because they were a civilian_.) It is imperative that no evidence of shinobi presence is left behind to enable full government deniability. Do not expect immediate contact/acquirement, as target is unpredictable in habits, and edgy due to recent events.

Target history:

Kristen Pierce

Age: 28

Childhood: Born to two adjusted parents. Brother, now deceased, born at age of 5. At age 8, family moved to middle-classed area. Target went to school in school located in an area of two major gang borders, part of minority race. Targeted by one gang shortly after enrollment. 10 to 15 incidents of gang-related violence, during which target refused to participate in drug-trafficking activities. Attempted hit by outside contractor failed when contractor anally raped target and was subsequently killed. Autopsy report revealed larynx had been forcibly removed, finger impressions confirming killer as a child. Two months after the failed hit, target and male best friend/self-appointed bodyguard were captured and tortured. Target had gang leader's name carved into right forearm. Best friend suffered minor injuries. Male best friend disappeared two weeks later and was discovered six months later in a neighboring town's sewer pipe. Target remains ignorant of best friend's status.

Target excelled at school, earning high marks in all subjects except geometry. Moderate knowledge of the Spanish language, shows moderate foreign language aptitude. Target showed aptitude in creative arts, including music, clay building/pottery wheeling, and creative writing. Target capable of speed reading up to 7,000 wpm since high school. Target belonged to no particular social group, and until last year of high school, was a loner. Factors such as being brought up in a minority religion, chronic relocation of family due to father's vocation, and subsequent lacking social skills are main reasons.

Upon graduation, target worked a variety of jobs due to lack of definite vocation goals and relocation. At age of 16, target's first attempt at dating was with a 20-year-old woman, lasting for nearly 8 months. Second woman, aged 19, was subsequently dated for 6 months. Target is determined to be bi-sexual, as she has shown ample appreciation for the male sex. Target moved to another state at 18, and dated a 21-year-old male. This relationship was classified as both emotionally and physically abusive, with extensive, chronic injuries that target was successful in hiding from parents. Relationship lasted until family moved again 16 months later. Parents never knew of the relationship. At age 20, target dated a 29-year-old man, becoming engaged at 27. This relationship appeared to be ideal and fulfilling for target. At age 26, target and boyfriend moved to back portion of his mother's property to care for her. Mother-in-law was 65. Target appeared to be equally devoted to mother-in-law as to natural parents. Mother developed terminal cancer at 66, couple became engaged shortly thereafter to make sure mother saw them married before death.

Mother-in-law died six months past, target's marriage planned for three months from date of report. As the final candidate for Project Wonderland, the target's significant other was disposed of in a supposed robbery. Target was unexpectedly at home and suffered moderate injuries while attempting to protect her fiancée. Two agents suffered minor injuries, one serious. Agents were forced to use significant force to subdue target, resulting in moderate damage. Target is healing rapidly, which should be noted as a consistent quality of target.

Gall bladder removal at age 28, medical records show existence of chakra in target. Target started a physically-demanding job one week after gall bladder removal.

Personality/Miscellaneous notes: Target has knowingly and unknowingly taken numerous personality and IQ tests. IQ test shows target has above average intelligence, excelling in abstract thinking and intuitive skills. Logical thinking is average, and 'common sense'skills are at the lower range of average. This may be due to stunted social growth as a child. Target exhibits superior intuitive skills, which are believed to be chakra-based. Due to target's lack of medical attention since the age of 18, correlating chakra tests were unable to be applied, but her superior healing and strength, and near-perfect perception of strangers are in support of the assessment. Target is an empathic introvert, capable of acquiring knowledge from very little concrete information or knowledge. While socially shy, and more apt to retreat from social situations at the last minute, target is very protective of those she considers friends. Interestingly, target was very sexually liberal with the deceased fiancée, prone to biting/scratching fetishes, and always indulgent to his. Target will not allow anal intercourse, as the few times it was tried, the target had traumatic flashbacks. Target is fond of adult pornography, and owns a few 'toys'.

Target is cynical and realistic, but is prone to whimsical fantasy; she is a writer for self-pleasure only. Her artistic skills are moderate, and she has been rapidly improving over the last 8 years under the guidance of her fiancée, being an artist himself.

Target is physically very active, though not in optimum shape, as she is a smoker. Her vocation is physically demanding, and her daily regimen is adequate. Target was obese through childhood and increasingly so until the age of 25, in part due to a right knee ACL replacement and the malfunction of her gall bladder since puberty, which was unknown until its' removal. It should be noted that though the target believes her disproportionate strength is merely from her father's side of the family, it is chakra-based, though she is a novice at the manipulation of it.

The reason for the existence of chakra in the target has been traced back to the assault as a child, where it is believed that the use of chakra-based strength enabled an 8-year-old female child to rip out the throat of a fully-grown male.

Final notes:

Since the death of her mother-in-law and subsequent removal of the fiancée three months short of their impending marriage, the target has become reclusive and only rarely ventures out. These events are primarily for the purposes of work, errands, and to her local coffee shop, which she walks to every weekend. This coffee shop appears to be her only social interaction, and the customers are all several decades older than her. It should also be noted that not only the coffee shop customers, but her neighbors as well, are all keeping a close eye on her and her property since the death of her fiancée. He, apparently, was active in the local community and was the driving force for the preservation of the local area's history. Over four hundred people attended his funeral.

The target inherited half of the mother-in-law's estate through the fiancée, including the property she has, and is still living on. She continues to live in the back building, which is more sheltered by woods. Upon the disappearance of the target, with the lack of a will, all said inheritance will be bestowed to the state in the absence of named inheritors.

Target's mental health is stable, though her emotional status is unpredictable. Her locations for work rarely follow a set schedule, so the only habit she has formed is her weekends at the coffee shop, which have been happening for over two years. The road to the coffee shop is a main road, and it should not be attempted to acquire her on the weekends, as her presence would be immediately missed and investigated.

If deemed necessary, a more detailed report as to the target's life and significant experiences is enclosed in another report.

* * *

Kakashi set down the last report, and for the first time that he could remember in over a decade, he had no idea how to feel about his mission. While it was his own personal policy to be suspicious when it came to any decision made by the council, the whole situation had done nothing but set off warning bells in his mind since his meeting with Tsunade. Reading that the target's – Kristen's – own government had no qualms about killing her fiancée with the added bonus of acquiring her possessions, well, it made him wonder how much his council had to do with the selection process. Surely they wouldn't be all too concerned with who they interrogated as long as she knew enough of her world, right? And knowing what he did about what had already been done to her, how would it speak of him to be a part of it? Yes, it was his responsibility as a shinobi of the Leaf to perform his duties regardless of his personal feelings, but that was according to the rules of his world, not hers. She was simply an innocent victim who had done nothing to ask for what had been done to her, or for what he would do, the council would do. He could only assume, and it made his stomach turn to even think of, that she would simply be disposed of when she had given up all the information she had.

Details of her life spun in his mind, questions arising that he would likely never know the answers to, and as much as those damned bells that were always so dead accurate were clanging that something bad was coming his way, there was no choice. That was exactly why he despised missions based on the prerogative of the council! Whatever the outcome would be, he felt as though it was already written, set in stone, and he was merely waiting to catch up, to find out for himself. The loss of control was anathema to a shinobi, something to be prevented at all costs at the risk of failure of a mission or death. And yet, he had lost it the moment he had set foot in the Hokage's office. He would go, and hope he wouldn't have to carry a truly innocent soul on his already desolate conscience. Kakashi would have to wait and see what lied at the end of the path that others had dictated to him. No matter how much he wanted not to.


	3. Enjoy your old life no matter how sad

Ch 3

The beginning of his trip was a bewildering blur. First using technology he only vaguely understood to navigate to a seemingly random spot in the ocean, he waited for an entire day, which of course is when he realized he had left his Icha Icha at home. Then to be picked up in an enormous iron boat and stuck with countless needles, which he was assured were for his own protection. After the sixth needle, he stopped questioning which inoculations he was being given and simply gave up his arm as a pin cushion, forcing himself to stop counting as well. He spent a week holed up in his tiny cabin with only training to keep him occupied. There was no point in over-thinking any particular aspect of his mission, so he kept his body tired and on the point of exhaustion, which incidentally would take all day to accomplish.

He arrived at the dock early in the morning hours, only to be quickly ushered into a giant metal thing on wheels. He knew from his scrolls it was called a car, but he was honestly too exhausted from training and too grateful to be off the damned boat to care about checking out his surroundings. All he wanted was a bed to sleep in that didn't rock on its' own. When he was awoken some time later, he wanted to laugh at the fact that the motion of the car has lulled him to sleep. Groggy and sore, he let the driver of the car guide him into a motel room, where he crashed on to the bed, clothes and all.

-------

Unfamiliar sounds awoke his brain, and he was awake and aware in an instant, his ears fighting to recognize the noises that had disturbed his sleep. Looking around, he noticed the man from the night before sleeping on the bed next to his, and a quick look at a clock showed it was six in the morning. Habits long ingrained kicked in, spurring him to quickly check the room for signs of anyone other than themselves, and was relieved to find none. Starting his daily routine in the bathroom, he quickly cleaned up and changed into some clothes that had been left for him. Stepping out, and feeling so much cleaner to not smell like salt air, he noticed his roommate had finally woken up and was drinking coffee.

"Good morning. I'm sorry for not properly introducing myself last night, but it looked like the long trip took a lot out of you. I'm Gary. I'll be your escort. Hopefully you'll be outta here in about two weeks or less, but it's kinda hard to tell with this particular target." Gary made another cup of coffee as he spoke, handing it to Kakashi when he was done.

"So, basically the plan is to get you to the area, show you where she lives, the places she frequents, the people she talks to. Her work takes her all over the area, so on the weekdays we'll watch her from places we've acquired in all the towns she has worked in. We pretty much won't know where she's going until she gets there, because she has developed this habit of making a schedule and then changing it at the last minute. We don't know if she is doing this intentionally, or it's merely part of her trying to deal with the death of her fiancée by acting like some crazy lady. Now I've been told to remind you that you are to keep your focus and not look out the window when we're in the car, because the less you see of everything, the better. So once you're ready we'll grab some breakfast and head out to watch her work."

Gary watched Kakashi pull on his vest, he not needing to check the pockets to know everything he needed was already there. Gary held open the door and locked it behind them, noting with satisfaction over his shoulder that the only thing his assignment was looking at were his shoes.

"We've bugged a piece of technology she has on her person almost constantly, even when she's not working, so you will be able to listen to her. She sometimes talks to herself out loud, and she doesn't have too bad of a singing voice, but I doubt you'll really learn a whole about her from that." He didn't see the smug smirk on his assignment's face.

Two hours later that Kakashi had spent reviewing the files on his target, they had finally arrived at a gray building. Careful to keep his eyes on the ground, he followed Gary up stairs, through doors, and stopped at a window with a chair in front of it. A pair of binoculars and headphones sat on the chair, both of which he had read about. Taking a quick look around the room, he watched Gary head for another room.

"I'll be killing time in here. Yell if you need anything."

--------

**Mission Report:**

**Relevant Day 1 - Target sighted. She appears to wash boats for a living, and it is clear that it is a physically strenuous profession. She often works from sunrise to sunset, which here is between 15 – 16 hours. She rarely stops, and then it is only to smoke and snack. She does not appear to eat very much – certainly not enough to maintain the pace she is working at. **_**Possible chakra use to keep her stamina up?**_** She rarely comes into contact with other people on the boats she is cleaning, and when she does she seems to be very personable, often talking to them far longer than necessary if she was only being polite. Target is quick to smile, but it is quick to disappear once people are gone. She is a hard worker, and appears to take pride in her quality of work, often smiling to herself and nodding her head. She listens to music the entire time she is working, often the same list of songs over and over. Only some of them will she sing to, but her voice is thankfully pleasant, as she knows the limits of her range. Note – Target appears to be naturally shy, as she will immediately stop singing if she knows someone is around to hear her. Also, while she has the volume of her music up very high, target has shown she is very capable of hearing well over the noise, and often can hear things at the very top of the human hearing range - which is interesting, as her profile shows she is partially deaf in her right ear.**

**Target has excellent balance on the water, only injuring herself a few times by stubbing her toes. Target has a very diverse vocabulary of 'colorful language', and seems to do so in several languages. Great dexterity with fingers, and surprisingly toes, has been exhibited with hand tools.**

----------

He had been escorted back into the car before she had finished her last boat, as he was told he needed a chance to scope out her property and determine where he wanted to position himself to watch her. After showing him where they would pick him up and at what time, he was left to trudge through the thick woods at the back of her property. The property itself was long and narrow, with a house practically in the road at the bottom of the property. With nothing on the other side of the road except for beach and ocean, it afforded a beautiful view of the surrounding coastline, a large island that was a national park, and what little could be seen of the city across the water that wasn't blocked by the park. It was quiet, peaceful, and with the steady wind from the ocean the air smelled pure. That house, however, felt like a museum. He inspected it carefully, looking at the family pictures, noting that his target was only in a few of them. It was obviously the mom's house, and while it was neither dusty nor dirty, it had the air of neglect. He doubted she ever set foot in the house unless it was to clean. He remembered a small note in her file mentioning weekly family dinners the three of them had faithfully participated in, which would partially explain her hesitance to be there. Even after inspecting the garage downstairs and the small studio building hidden to the side of the house, he found nothing of interest regarding his target, as everything had been the mother's. He quickly let himself into her house, curious to see how she lived. The target had inherited much after the death of her fiancée, financially and possession-wise, but she seemed to live like a bachelor. The building she lived in looked more like a huge garage, with half of the two-story building actually being a garage, complete with twin car lifts. The top floor had a modeler's dream train set built into the walls, mountains and tiny fake trees everywhere, several towns with buildings and people in the middle of frozen actions, and several train lines running at various elevations. The set had obviously taken years, perhaps decades, to build, and it was clear that it was nowhere near finished. Just as the fledgling layer of dust told him that it probably never would be. Stacked tightly underneath the layout were boxes, taking up every inch of possible storage space and hidden by simple fabric curtain that fell to the floor. Every single box was labeled, most with the single word of 'Allen'. This led him downstairs, where the rooms were nearly bare. A narrow room was empty but for empty shelves and counters, and an oven that looked like it had never been used. The refrigerator was empty as well, that chilled, stale smell offending his nose when he opened it. He could only assume that room had been their make-shift kitchen, it being in-between the main room and the garage. With the kitchen and the room upstairs (which had a bed and a dresser that were the only dust-free items that appeared to be in use - and she was not the kind of person to make her bed, apparently), it stood to reason that the main room downstairs was where he would find out more about her.

The main room, which was sort of like a living room, did not disappoint, although he was curious what to make of it. Half of the room was bare except for an empty corner desk top, a large cabinet with a TV and DVD player, and at the back of the room, half of the shelves were empty. It was as though someone had drawn an imaginary line down the long room and made everything disappear. Her side of the room was in use. There was a drawing table cluttered with pictures she had drawn and was in the process of drawing that he would save for another day. Built in shelves took up most of the long side of the room, with a computer and various objects she used to decorate. Her half of the bookshelves were filled with movies and antique books, some appearing to be almost two hundred years old. He took a few out to look at them, and the printing date confirmed that many of them were well over a century old. Beach shells, antique beer signs, and a few pictures were spread out among the shelves quite skillfully. A few fake plants on her desk showed her preference for the organic, and while her side of the room may have appeared to be cluttered, it gave off the feeling of comfort. A 'tree', the only word he could use to describe it, was twined together out of beach wood and littered with jewelry, none of it expensive. It also appeared to be where she kept her bras, as they hung off the edge of half of the limbs. The Icha Icha part of his mind couldn't help but observe that she appeared to be moderately well-endowed, if those bras were any indication. There was a large map on the wall in front of her computer, an old map of the state he was now in, and pictures had been stuck between the glass protecting the map and the frame. He carefully looked at the pictures, noting that she was in half of them, including one that was only of her. She was obvious much younger in the picture. She was standing in the middle of a snow-covered dirt road, her body in profile. She was only wearing a bra from the waist up, and her bra was nearly see-through. Wondering idly why she was half-naked in such cold weather, he noted the toned but well-padded torso before concentrating on her face. A mischievous, almost gleeful, grin adorned her face, as though she knew she shouldn't be so unclothed in the snow and didn't care. Pulling his gaze away from the picture, he gave the others a glance before disregarding them. A quick scan of the desk showed him where a few photo albums had been stashed, heavily covered in dust, and he decided to look at them after she had retired for the night.

Overall, the room was clean, and with the exception of the smell of cats, which he had still not seen even though he knew she had one, he could only imagine how comfortable the room had been when it had been whole. She was clearly prone to decorating in darker, earthy tones, with things placed to give it a lived in, almost antique feel. It did disturb him that she had banished everything from his side of the room to boxes upstairs, but he was the first person to admit that those in mourning never followed a set pattern or predictable rules, especially in her case when it had only been three months since he had been killed. He would admit to being surprised that she had not appeared to do anything with her newly bestowed money or possessions, as usually people would use it as a crutch to distract them from their grief. Either she was in denial, hiding anything that would remind her of her losses, or she had moved on fairly quickly. Neither seemed likely, but further judgments would have to wait until he could observe her. Mindful that she would be arriving home soon, he quickly placed his cameras around the living room and adjoining bathroom before retreating upstairs to arrange a hiding spot amongst the boxes stacked under the train layout.

---------

**Inspection of the target's house shows she has boxed away almost everything belonging to the fiancée. Only a few pictures of him remain as part of her décor. The target appears to be well suited for solitude, present circumstances taken into account. She is not prone to talking to herself, which is unusual. Over an hour was spent affectionately with the cat, which shows considerable patience, considering how demanding the animal was.**

**Target shows considerable stamina by exercising and stretching for over an hour after working for nearly 16 hours. Not yet known the motivation behind it, but target seems used to pushing her body to exhaustion on a daily basis. Target received a call from her employer, Josh, during which he seemed to question whether she wanted to continue working. It was obvious this is not the first time she had been asked that. She made it very clear, almost to the point of begging, that she needed something to take up her time during the day. Not known how close she is to her employer, but there is definitely enough respect between the two for him to show concern for her reason behind wanting to continue working when she is not in need financially. She was quite skilled in letting him believe that he is doing her a favor and possibly helping her deal with her loss by giving her time to 'not have to worry about anything except making sure shit is clean.' While there was some truth to her statement, the target is most likely in avoidance still. **

**Target went to bed long after sun went down. She ate a very generous dinner, assumedly to make up for her lack of calories during the day. While she fell asleep almost immediately, it was interesting that she does not appear to get restful sleep. Her dreams were apparently disturbing, at one point waking her up. She retrieved a shirt from one of her dressers and held onto it, which somehow enabled her to sleep without issue for the rest of the night.**

**Relevant Day 2 – Target was awake after six hours of sleep. She has a strict schedule that she is used to, probably necessary considering the chronic lack of sleep. Time is spent with the cat before an hour is used to stretch and exercise in the same manner as in the evening. She appears to use yoga and meditation. **

**Note: The shirt she slept with during the night is a man's shirt, smelling very faintly of beer and peppermint. **

**Her work day shows no variation of any kind, save for location. She works alone, eats alone, and appears to prefer the lack of human interaction. The target only shows signs of exhaustion when taking her quick break in-between boats, and there is no sign of it once she begins work again. As it is the last work day of the week for her, it will be interesting to see if she is prone to such weakness during the beginning of the week, or if it is accumulative. Again, target appears to unknowingly use chakra to minimize the effects of exhaustion and malnutrition.**

**Target is prone to random acts of kindness, such as feeding birds food she doesn't like, holding doors open for other women, and even taking earthworms from parking lots to deposit them on grassy areas. It is evident that these acts are habit and require no thought on her part. She goes out of her way to take spiders off of the boats she is cleaning so they are not rinsed into the ocean. **

**The end of her day is exactly like the day before. She spends time with the cat, who was outside all day, performs an hour of yoga, eats, and goes to bed. Her sleeping habit was slightly different, as the cat fell asleep on her chest, and she did not move the entire time.**

---------

He had personally thought it was funny to watch her wake up and startle over the pair of feline eyes that were less than an inch away from her own, but he noticed that she had enough control over her body not to flinch enough to disturb the cat. The smile that he saw on her face as she said good morning and gave him a good scratch behind the ears was what he could only describe as heartbroken, and once the cat began purring she couldn't even maintain that much. He knew then that the cat was heavily tied to her memories of Allen, and it was both comforting and torturous to have the cat around. He was also very curious as to why a male cat was named Gwen.

He could only assume she woke based on her biological clock, as she seemed to use no alarms, and as she was up as early as she had been during the week, he was curious as to how she would spend her time. Not surprisingly, she began with her customary coffee and yoga, although this time she spent over two hours doing the latter. After a shower (and he was delighted with the fact that she walked naked from the downstairs bathroom to her dressers upstairs to gather her clothes and then back downstairs still naked before getting dressed) she headed out the door for the local coffee shop that was a quarter of a mile down the road. Not having had time to place cameras there yet, he had to settle for the bugs he had placed on all of her coats. He hadn't dared to crawl out of his hiding spot until he felt her chakra was a good distance from the house. With one ear left uncovered to listen for unexpected surprises, the other listened to the sounds around her as he leafed casually through her photo albums. His eyes memorized and dissected every picture, noting how long in life it took her to come into her own. She had not been a fortunate child, her awkward stage long-lasting. Of course, there were reasons for that to take into account, especially when those reasons had been known by only her, so he was inclined to be understanding. While she appeared to be a little on the heavier side her entire life, it did nothing to explain her current obsession with exercise, or why she was still able to maintain a healthy amount of body fat, when her excessive activity and lack of consistent nutrition should have made her either skeletal or looking like a body builder. That was not something chakra could compensate for. He made a note to himself to find out what she ate while she was working.

His hand froze in mid page turning when her voice said something that caught his attention. He absently noted the lack of background noise, which meant the other five or six people he had noted must have left.

"_Audrey, can I ask you a weird question?"_

"_Sure, honey. Anything you want."_

"_You ever had de ja vu? Like, not just once, but several times in a couple hours?" _

"_No, I can't say that I have. When did this happen? Last night, because you know all you have to do is come over if you don't want to be alone at night. You know Jeff and I'll always have a place for you to sleep when you want it. You shouldn't be all by yourself all the time. Allen wouldn't want you to, and you know it, Kristen. He'd probably be pissed."_

"_I know. Just like he'd know that I can only do things when I'm ready, and I have a stubborn streak even worse than his. I'm not as alone as you think, Audrey. Josh calls me every day after work, Brian comes over spur of the moment about once a week, and Cliff calls me all the time. I have lots of people checking up on me, so it's ok. I'm really not ready to be out yet. It's taken this long to be ok being around Cliff and Harper Jim without breaking down. And I know that all I have to do is show up, and I love you guys for the offer._

_I was asking because I kept getting de ja vu last night, almost like… I dunno. My dreams're kinda strange lately, and I'm glad it's the weekend because I'm tired. I think I might actually take a nap today, catch up on my sleep."_

"_Well then you do that, Kristen. You do look like you're only half awake right now, and I want you to take care of yourself. You haven't eaten a muffin in weeks, and you used to be the only reason I had them. I'll let Bill and Judy know they'll see you tomorrow so you don't have to wait for them, and you go home and take a nap. I'll see you in the morning, give me my hug."_

He heard the rustle of clothing, assumed there was a hug involved, and what sounded like a kiss on the cheek.

"_K. I'll see you in the morning, give Jeff a hug and a kiss from me. I haven't stuck around long enough lately to see him. He gets up so late on the weekends, I miss him."_

"_I'll let him know. You know he loves you and worries about you, so it'd be good for him to see you and know you're ok. Have a good nap!"_

He carefully replaced the photo albums exactly where they had been before retreating to his cramped hiding spot, determined to expand it when she left for coffee the next day. She returned only minutes later, her feet clumping up the stairs. She seemed to be completely exhausted, and her limbs struggled to peel off her clothes. Only when she was down to her bra and boy shorts with rainbows on them did she fall onto the bed crossways. A squeal of pain had her flipping quickly onto her back, her hands instinctively holding the areas that hurt. It surprised him to realize that he had not noticed the fresh and pink scars on her left leg and right side when she had walked around naked earlier. A quick admonishment was all he gave himself before noting that she wasn't necessarily in pain, so more than likely she was feeling the pull of scar tissue on surrounding normal tissue. While not painful, he knew well the sensation was uncomfortable enough for her nerves to interpret it as such. He could see when he zoomed the camera in close enough that her leg seemed to have a white stripe on it around the area of her scar, as though she had kept it wrapped long enough for the lack of a tan to be very obvious. He regretted that her file failed to mention what injuries she had sustained while attempting to protect her fiancée. He doubted that two scars were the extent of it; if her profile was in any way accurate, and her stubbornness near what she claimed, he would have bet good money that 'moderate damage' was an understatement on her government's part. He had to give her respect for working such a strenuous job while also recovering from such inconveniently placed wounds.

He was startled from his thoughts when he heard her swear and quickly focused his attention on the laptop screen. He could clearly see the blood covering the palm of her hand, the sounds of her getting up off the bed two feet away from him mirroring what he was watching. He heard her swear again in those foreign languages as she stomped her way to the bathroom, fatigue forgotten in the face of anger.

"Of all the fuckin' places to get stabbed, did it have to be the stomach?! Pinche jotos! This thing's never gonna heal the way I keep rippin' it, 'n Josh'd have a shitfest if he ever found out. Fuck! That fuckin' hurts!! Goddamn putas de madre! Yebsi!"

He watched her tape her slightly torn scar together before covering it with gauze and wrapping up her midsection. He couldn't help but smile over her grumbling about not being able to wear a bikini for a while, noting that her anger seemed to dissolve once she had voiced her complaint. He heard her come back up the stairs and carefully drop back down onto the bed, pulling a stuffed shark to her chest. She pressed her fingers to her stomach one last time before dropping off to sleep. He used the time to silently munch on some food he had stashed up there, curious enough to stick around and see if her nap would be as fitful as when she slept at night. Surprisingly, she slept heavily for two hours, during which he updated his report, before waking up instantly. It only took her a second to leap out of bed, and if the movement hurt her ripped scar she showed no sign of it.

-----

He woke up a few hours later, disappointed to realize he had fallen asleep. Checking his laptop, he saw she was downstairs at the computer, but not looking at it. She sat slouched in her chair, her feet propped up on the handles of the shelves on either side of her, her head thrown back. While she was completely clothed, her shorts were unzipped and she had one hand buried inside. Professionalism be damned, his mouth instantly watered at the sight of her thighs flexing in a rhythm he knew all too well. His eyes were drawn to where he knew her hand was, watching the fabric move as her fingers circled endlessly. He took in the whole picture of her, saw the bead of sweat that dripped down her neck and slowly made its' way in random weaves and turns before disappearing in-between breasts that shook with her ragged breaths. Her feet moved from the handles to the rung below her seat, her toes flexing around the circle of metal as her hips were lifted off the seat. He watched in fascination as the muscles in her legs actually rippled in their attempt to lift her upper body off of the chair. But it was her face that mesmerized him. He had not bothered to really look at it, as she had enough tattoos to easily identify her, especially as she seemed to hate anything other than tank tops and shorts. He had been with many women, seen the look of rapture on all of them, and he would be the first to admit that women either looked beautiful or scary when they came. But she… she looked like she had just discovered heaven and nirvana all in one moment; he could practically taste it. Only her neck kept her balanced on the backrest of the chair, and while it looked like a very uncomfortable position considering just how unnaturally far she was able to bow her back, none of that mattered when he took in the sight of her desperately trying to give voice to her orgasm and being denied because of it, in the end settling for soundlessly mouthing the name of her fiancée. It took every ounce of will power not to touch himself when she collapsed in the chair, her legs falling as they may, her head lolling back on her neck, eyes unfocused. Her labored breaths were interrupted occasionally by tremors, aftershocks that centered at her pelvis. And then she did the hottest thing he had ever seen by watching her lick her own fingers until they had to have been spotless before getting up and walking away from the computer desk as though nothing had happened.

There was not enough will power in the world to not imagine what it must be like with a woman who would fall apart so completely with only a few fingers touching only one spot on her body, what she would do if he used his vast experience on her, how what he just saw would probably be nothing in comparison. He had always wanted to make a woman faint and she seemed like the type that could if her body was worshiped right. He wiped the perspiration off of his forehead, amazed that ten seconds of watching her had been enough to lose that much control over himself. He realized with a touch of sadness that the man Allen had been one lucky bastard, and it was wrong to completely destroy two people who loved each other so much. While it was not in his power to change what would happen or had already been done, he laughed at himself for the fact that he guessed it wouldn't be the only time he considered the deceased man an extremely lucky son of a bitch.


	4. End of a perfect love

Ch 4

The rest of the weekend and the following work week were a blur to him; she was completely fascinating. She was at almost complete odds with the culture she lived in. While he had been instructed to make no observations of her culture, it was impossible to not absorb anything. Her country seemed to be filled with materialistic, shallow, greedy, debased people who only knew of the concept of honor through movies or books. He was stereotyping, but all stereotypes are based on at least partial truth. She was none of those things.

That night after he had caught the tail end of her masturbation, he had stood beside her bed for an hour, watching her face. He had noticed very quickly, being somewhat of an expert himself, that during the day her face always had some tension in it, even when she was laughing. It wasn't so much that she was trying to keep everyone away as he did, but rather he thought she was trying to keep up the appearances that she thought her friends and deceased family would have wanted to see. True, they probably wanted it to be real and not an act, but he could see that the act was hard enough for her to maintain, there was no room for her to be ok with what had happened to her yet.

All of that went away at night. While she wasn't anything like the faces he saw on her TV or the beautiful kunoichi he knew back home, and her fake smiles really did not suit her face, when she was asleep and completely relaxed her face was hard to describe. It was one of those faces you looked at and knew the beauty had come at a price, that there was hard-earned wisdom behind it to enhance what genetics had already given her. That what you saw at first glance wasn't what most people thought of as beautiful, but if you stuck around long enough, caught her at the right moment, you would see her as she truly was. You would see that when her face wasn't trying to hide anything or show what wasn't really there, it was absolutely ethereal.

It made no sense to him. Her nose wasn't slim and delicate, her lower lip may have been plump enough but her upper lip was merely average, and she had a slight cleft to her chin. Her eyebrows were odd in that they were dark in the middle and so blonde towards her temples that you could barely see them. It were as though someone had drawn a line down the middle of each eye and made her eyebrows half brown and half bleach-blonde. One of her ears had a slight point to it, almost elfish, but it was hard to see with the amount of earrings she had in both ears. He counted 11 holes, only 9 actually being used, but that was because he knew it was her favorite number. None of the pieces should have fit together without making a misfit of society or a downright masculine girl, but she pulled it off somehow while making it look damned good. To anyone that bothered to look at her longer than five seconds, her face was not one to be forgotten.

Because she had such limited interaction with people during the week, most of what he learned about her was by snooping in her home. Both of them had been artists, his much more advanced and diverse than hers, but he could see how rapidly she had improved once they had met. Her pencils of the human body were exceptional, mainly focusing on the extremes of dark shadows and lack of shadow. It was obvious by the pieces of old wood that she had nailed together and painted, and the bra tree made of drift wood, that she did not limit herself to one medium, but rather changed from one to the other when she got bored. He found it amusing that her house was organized and clean except for the drafting table, where she did her art work. It had pencils, pictures, and paint tossed seemingly at random, and was the essence of having method to her madness.

She did not have many books besides her collection of antiques, and those were mostly horror/supernatural horror. Her collection of movies was also primarily action/horror. He counted three movies out of nearly two hundred that could be considered 'chick flicks', and they didn't appear to require a box of tissues to watch. She liked cartoons in general and owned several lines of box sets. The only two channels she seemed to watch on TV were a cartoon channel and one that proclaimed itself a channel exclusively for men – she liked the movies and a show about mixed martial arts fighting.

It was her computer that was the gold mine, though. Oh, the things he learned. It was fortunate that she worked such long hours, for it gave him time to read through the things she had written, scan the internet sites she favored, see what kind of pictures she liked to save. Most of her recent family pictures were stored there as well. He read all of her stories, none of which she had actually finished, and found that she preferred angst and romance to anything else. Odd, considering none of her movies fell under that category. They were fairly well-written, but he could tell that she sometimes had trouble getting the story out as detailed as it was in her own mind. Most of the internet sites she went to contained fiction of one kind or another, and it was angst and romance that she normally chose. He didn't know if it was her normal preference, or just because she was still in mourning.

Her pictures that she stored, besides the ones of family, were pictures of specific movie stars and other attractive people. Most of the pictures had them only partially clothed, and he recognized a few of them from her art sketchbooks. There were no games on her computer, but almost half of her memory went to music, which made sense considering she cleaned for a living. Not really caring what she listened to, he excused himself from it as part of the culture.

As long as one kept it to only a few sentences, it was usually safe to summarize a person. He would have summarized Sakura as temperamental, brilliant medically-speaking, and deceivingly socially awkward when it came to compliments or other positive emotions. Naruto was impulsive, competitive, very naïve, and had pure intentions in everything. Kristen was a paradox, prone to extremes, highly intelligent but was almost pathologically shy, a sexual freak that could masturbate in the middle of her living room but blushed while watching one of her chick flicks, and a fiercely protective and loyal friend who didn't seem to have hardly any by choice.

She would have made a perfect kunoichi with a little training, in his opinion.

--------------

He barely even knew Kristen and he was worried about her. He had determined that her exhaustion was accumulative, and while he frowned on the fact that she seemed content to eat nothing but water and trail mix during the day, it was the nights that had him concerned for her mental health. Sure, it had been noted in her file that her emotional stability was in question, but what he was observing put it not in question but in absence. It didn't take more than four nights of reviewed tape to see why she was so exhausted during the day; she couldn't sleep. More than a few times he had to turn the audio down when her screams got too loud. Each time she would wake up and it took several minutes for her to control her shaking body enough to get up and go get a glass of water. Most of the time it wasn't clear what she was dreaming of, so he had decided to watch her all through the night one night instead of sleeping in the trees in her backyard. It had been disturbing to see her body make the motions he had watched before, heard the muffled audio to before, and then to see it actually happening, when he could hear exactly what she was saying.

"_Allen, just calm down. There's four of them, that's two too many." She was whispering urgently._

"_We both know that we don't have what most robbers want. So all we have to do is get to the knives we have in the kitchen."_

"_No, we can't do it, babe. They have guns. Maybe if they didn't have guns we'd have a chance, but…" Her body twisted and turned as though she had been tied up, and her voice made muffled, indistinct noises for a few minutes. Her body froze, every muscle ready to explode into action at the slightest provocation._

"_Allen, please, for the love of God, don't do anything. It'll be ok. Please, just look away." Her voice broke on the last sentence, and it didn't take a genius to figure out what the 'robbers' were trying to take. Her body jerked in a grotesque rhythm, her arms and legs so rigid they were trembling, and he had to look away from the tears pouring out from under her closed eyes. He couldn't watch her body pantomime the act of something being done to her that should have been done freely, that she was being forced to do when it should have happened out of love. The fact that her own government would let this happen, that people could take advantage of their orders like that, sickened him beyond words; he doubted this was part of their assignment._

"_No, Allen, don't!!" Her scream was nothing short of panicked, as though she had spoken a second too soon. Her next words were screamed or grunted too jumbled for him to make sense of, but there was no mistaking the way a body jerked when hit by a foreign object. Pained moans squeezed through clenched teeth as her body seemed to fight against an invisible opponent, though far less effectively. The blanket wrapped around her randomly as she struggled, which only added to her dreaming panic. Kakashi wanted nothing more than to calm her, untangle her, but he knew there was a good chance that any contact would only make her dreaming memory worse. _

_When her body started to go into seizure, he could no longer watch without interfering. He dragged the blanket off her arms and legs from where it had managed to wrap itself around her limbs, honestly alarmed at the way she was involuntarily flailing. He had just grabbed one of her wrists, intent on restraining her until her attack subsided, when her body went limp. Only able to hear his heart pounding in his ears, he didn't realize he was still holding her wrist. Eyes still closed, her head turned toward him._

"_Baby, just hang on. You know Chuck had to have heard those shots, help is on the way. I can get up and reach the phone, you just have to hang on." Her voice was hoarse and faint, as though she were barely hanging onto consciousness._

"_No, Allen, you can make it, all you have to do is keep talking to me. We're supposed to get married in a few months, remember? I can't get married if you aren't there." He tried to let go of her wrist, unable to take the pleading look on her face, the tears that were drying on her cheeks, and the way her rough voice spoke calmly and urgently, but she grabbed his hand in a crushing grip to the point of grinding his fingers together._

"_Yes, you can make it! They'll be here any minute, so keep your eyes open. You will stay awake!" She listened for only a few seconds before cutting off the unheard side of her conversation._

"_Don't you dare start with that 'find another man' shit! You know I won't promise that! We're going to grow old together, start our business, and have that cabin up in Alaska like we planned, so why the hell would I need to find anyone else?! Allen, wake up! Open your eyes for me baby, please. Please, look at me, I need to see those gorgeous eyes of yours!" Her free hand reached out for his head, and while he wanted to jerk away from her, she had his hand in a death grip. Fortunately, she groped for the uncovered eye , running her shaky thumb over it so tenderly that it dangerously threatened his objectivity, which had been wavering since she had seized. _

"_I love you too, Allen. I always have. You promised to haunt me for the rest of my life, and I'm gonna hold ya to that. Even as a ghost, you'll be all the man I need. I haven't regretted a single moment I've had with you, and I promise I'll keep breathing. You can't haunt me if I'm already dead, right? Allen? Allen?!" Both of her hands grabbed his palm and she desperately held it to her cheek. Between the way her hands had gone ice cold and the mournful cries that sounded like they came from a dying animal, he had to get away. Jerking his hand away from her wet cheek, he was back into his hiding spot in the blink of an eye. _

_He had to take a moment to calm his breathing and emotions, focusing solely on slowing his heartbeat. He didn't dare look at the computer screen, though he heard her sobs abruptly stop and the sound of her rising from her bed. When she sighed and wobbled down the stairs, fighting her tight and stiff muscles, he forced himself to watch her just to make sure she would be ok. She went straight to the kitchen and downed a shot of what was obviously hard liquor before dragging herself back upstairs to bed. She lay on the bed, silent, unnaturally so, before her breaths evened out. While her sleep was by no means peaceful, she did not have the same dream again, as she only had to suffer it once a night. _


	5. Acquisition and Transition

Ch 5

It was time. He had to admit that he was almost… nervous about finally and officially meeting her, at least as far as she was concerned. He had already henged a few times to have random conversations with her, and had enjoyed it each time. While she may not have been the most open and conversational person he had ever met, she could hold one quite well, and he could tell that everything she said had thought and intelligence behind it. But now it was time to be the bad guy; she was living on borrowed time from now on.

He knew it was a dirty and completely unfair trick, but he decided to grab her right after her shower. Hopefully, she would be less inclined to fight if she were more worried about exposing herself to a stranger. She had demonstrated before that she had no problem walking around the house naked, so it was a safe bet that she would be, especially when all of her clothes were upstairs.

Definitely a perk of the mission to finally see her in person and not through a computer screen.

He stood outside the bathroom door patiently, listening to the sounds of water. It was only five minutes later that the shower turned off, and he had to admit that it was very admirable for a female to be done so quickly. He could not hear exactly what she was doing over the sound of the fan, but the second the fan turned off he grinned, unable to keep it inside. Instead of the local clothes he had been forced to wear on several occasions, he wore his usual uniform, knowing it would give him at least a second of confusion on her part. The door opened and the grin disappeared, every cell in his brain intent on memorizing every detail that was about to happen. She stepped out of the bathroom and their eyes met for a split second. Kakashi didn't have time to savor the complete shock on her face before she was leaping at him, a snarl exploding from her lips. He was so surprised by her instant reaction that he almost didn't catch her hands before they got a hold of his throat. He knew only too well that she had already killed one man by tearing their throat out with her bare hands, and he did not intent to be the second. Wrestling her to the ground, he attempted to get her on her stomach; the easiest way to subdue her would be to get her hands behind her back and a simple nerve pinch to make her lose consciousness. She fought like a wild animal, pitching her body left and right until she got a lucky shot in. Her hip hit his with just enough momentum to get her onto her side. He neatly dodged her attempt to butt the back of her skull into his face, but he lost his concentration by enough that she was able to wrench her wrists from his grip. Rolling away from him, she only had a second before he bodily collided with her. She tried in vain to avoid his hands, but they simply moved faster than she could even track with her eyes. He held her wrists above her head and had all the weight of his torso on her waist. She immediately began pushing her arms up, and though he leaned forward to push against her wrists, it merely slowed her down. His one visible eye widened at the sheer strength she was showing against his leverage and weight. Kakashi knew if she was able to get her arms up enough to bend at the elbow, she would be in a position to wrestle him off of her. Letting go of her arms and trying to use her momentum to steer her back onto her stomach, she surprised him again with a backwards elbow to the face. She was instantly on her feet and sprinting for her desk, wrenching the 'hidden' knife out from its' spot. He noted that she was actually holding it correctly, and that even though she was a lefty, it was in her right hand.

"I don't know what you want, but unless you want me to kill you, I suggest you leave. I have no problem sticking this in your gut and pulling up." She gestured her threat with the knife, showing just how far up his body she intended to pull it. While she wasn't consciously intending to, killer intent was radiating off of her. He swore it was almost a physical presence forcibly pushing him away from her, but that was impossible. No one had that much chakra, not even Naruto.

Knowing better than to engage in pointless banter, he feinted to the left and landed a quick punch to her right temple. The body followed as her head snapped to the side, but instead of knocking her out as he had intended, it only seemed to piss her off more. As weird as it sounded, the only way he could describe it was that she was actually growling at him. He waited for her to attack, but she didn't. Sighing in exasperation, he decided his two minutes of playing fair were over, and barraged her with a series of kicks and punches that only a ninja had any hope of blocking, much less seeing. They were landed so fast that they had held up her body, and as soon as he stepped back she hit the floor, in no way trying to break her fall. Assuming she was finally down, he leaned over to grab an arm and heft her over his shoulder, but one of her legs snapped up and caught him between the legs on her shin. Kakashi instantly stopped breathing, hoping to delay the pain for the two seconds he would need to retaliate. Her other foot shot out and he quickly tried to sidestep it, his hands pushing the foot away from his body. The two seconds was up and all of his stomach muscles clenched in agony, and nothing in the world could have kept his hands away from his injured balls. She scrambled away from him, and he could vaguely hear her muttering apologies for taking such a cheap shot. While his testicles agreed that they deserved an apology, he knew it was his own fault for not checking that she was unconscious before letting his guard down. He sprang at her, momentarily letting the pain fuel his anger, and slammed her into the bookcase behind her. He felt her minty breath explode out of her lungs in a shriek, and the only reason he knew he had broken a rib or two was because he felt the crack; the sound of books, glass bottles, and other knick knacks falling off the shelves covered the sound of her ribs breaking. That was enough to calm his anger, enough to remind himself that he needed to keep her damage to a minimum. A split second was all he needed to have her arm bent behind her back enough for any more movement to be painful. Transferring both of her wrists to one hand, his other hand was already in motion to hit the nerve he needed, but she fought him again by throwing all her weight forward on her left side. Her shoulder popped out with a nauseating crunch, followed by a wordless howl of agony that became a scream when her body hit the floor, no doubt disturbing the broken ribs. He had let go when her shoulder dislocated, and had almost grabbed her from hitting the ground. Remembering her ribs, he had yanked his hands back, but regretted it at the sound of her scream. His two hands would have been much better than the concrete ground covered by thin carpet. Kristen's body had heaved once, her right arm instinctively curling around her torso, and then she went completely slack.

Kakashi carefully and gently prodded her dislocated arm, satisfied that she was unconscious when she didn't so much as flinch.

"Just be glad you're not awake for this." He popped her shoulder back in, not surprised to hear a smothered moan. Holding her arm to her body with one hand, he carefully pulled her onto her back. The minute tensing of her left arm was the only warning he got, and even then he was astounded at the speed she used with an arm that had just been dislocated. He caught her wrist in a crushing grip, the knife poised inches away from his lower belly, and not only was he irritated that she had fooled him into thinking that she was unconscious AGAIN, but that she was too slow to be taken seriously. The smell of freshly spilled blood his sensitive nose, and a quick glance down showed that he had unthinkingly landed blows on all of her abdominal stitches earlier, which were now torn and bleeding.

She looked into his uncovered eye, and her face showed nothing but pure defiance. She yanked on her arm desperately, almost panicking to get her injured arm out of his grip, crawling onto her hands and knees. He allowed her to once it became obvious it wasn't a ploy, and he allowed himself to relish the fact that she had gone from a skilled fighter that thought a few moves ahead, to a little girl who was mindlessly yanking on her arm to simply _get away._ He felt the tendons in her wrist move as she dropped the knife into her other, unrestrained hand. At first he thought she had merely dropped it, no longer worried about a weapon in a hand she couldn't get free, but her body was giving off the wrong signals. Yes, she was moving and jerking as though she were panicked, but her eyes were a little too focused, there was no instant sweat breaking out on her skin, and her breathing was only shallow because of her broken ribs. And then he realized where the knife had gone, his visible eye widening in alarm. _To her other hand_; he had missed it in the struggle she was putting up to distract him. A quick gesture had the knife tearing across her own throat, and even as he yanked it away from her and pressed a hand to the gash, the defiance didn't leave her eyes until they rolled back into her head. If anything, he could have sworn she looked… smug.

--------------

She felt herself slowly rising through the levels of awareness, and was distinctly disappointed to realize that she had failed to kill herself. The second she had stepped out of her bathroom, she had noticed several things about the man standing in front of her. One, he wasn't a robber because he was neither stealing nor had a weapon. Two, it was obvious he had been waiting specifically for her, which led to three, that because he had showed restraint in his attempt to subdue her, the condition in which she was taken to where/whomever was important. Frankly, she had no intention of finding out, but he had stopped her before she had been able to dig the knife into the side of her neck where the interior jugular vein was. If she had been able to hit it, she would have died in seconds. Unfortunately, that vein ran deep inside the neck, and he had been much too quick to grab the knife from her. Still, she had watched her vision dim hoping that she would still be fortunate enough to die from blood loss.

No such luck, apparently.

She listened to the sounds around her for a few minutes, hoping to get some clues. The first thing she noticed was that she was on a ship. From the rolling feeling, a good sized one, not the 40- or 50-foot boats she was used to cleaning. She was on a bunk and covered in a blanket, but her arms were above it, which made it easy to feel the bandages that covered various spots on her body above and below the blanket. With the exception of the usual creaking sounds of things moving that was normal on ships, she could hear no breathing or anything else to indicate that she wasn't alone. Only once she was fairly sure of that did she open her eyes and blink them rapidly to adjust to the single light bulb hanging from the ceiling of what looked like a cabin. She wanted to check out her injuries, and for that she needed her sight.

And there in the corner, reading a book of all things, was her kidnapper. She instinctively stiffened, then slowly relaxed with a mental curse, hoping beyond hope that he had not seen the flinch. She lowered her eyelids until she could only see a fuzzy outline of the room.

"Don't bother, I knew the second you woke up." His voice was unusually deep and a touch guttural. What terrified her was the fact that he sounded bored out of his mind.

"You've been out for a little over a week, and we'll be on the ship for another three weeks, so you might as well get used to me." He stood up and put the book down on the seat behind him, grabbing a cup of water from the table next to his chair. He took one step towards her bunk before she was up and cringing in the corner of the room, her feet pushing against the thin padding to try and push herself as far into the wall as she could. Kristen's eyes never made it as far as his face, they were firmly planted on his hands and body, waiting for a tell to choreograph what his body would do. It was like playing basketball, you never looked at the person's eyes, you watched their body for the flinch that came a second before actual movement. He took a step back, the back of his knees hitting the seat of his chair, his free hand up in the universal sign for meaning no harm.

"I'm sure you have lots of questions, and while I won't be able to answer most of them, I can tell you that it's my job to keep you safe and healthy, and while I also understand that it's probably your biggest fear right now, I would never do something as disgusting as rape. As long as you can take direction, there will really be no reason for me to touch you at all, except when I have to check your bandages. I know you don't trust me right now, and that's fine. But I won't touch you anywhere that's not appropriate. You have my word." He set the glass of water on the ground closest to her reach and retreated back to his chair. He made a big production of turning the chair sideways, blocking her partially from his view, and returning to his book. The creaking of wood told him she was moving, and he calmly waited for her to speak; they always did given enough time to wonder and worry.

"So what answers can you give me?" Her voice was remarkably calm and even, remarkable considering she was back to trying to melt into the corner. He moved the chair back to face the room, wanting to see how she reacted to the big fat nothing he was about to tell her.

"We are on a ship to a specific point, where we will be let off in a small boat and I'll take us to the closest land. Two day's travel will have us where we're headed, and then I will most likely never see you again. All I can really tell you is that I was assigned to acquire you, and I don't honestly know what will happen to you. And keeping in mind that I have been training for this type of thing since I was a child, you put up a very good fight for an untrained civilian. I would be proud if I were you; I honestly don't remember the last time anyone got a good groin shot on me."

The look on her face was genuine embarrassment and a hint of shame, which confused him. She must have seen it on his face, because she turned an unflattering shade of red.

"I am sorry about that. I'm sure you understand that if it was a bar fight or you were some stupid mugger, I wouldn't have done that, but you are so much better than me that I had to resort to cheap shots. I mean, you won and all, but when it's something serious like this, I don't hold back. I learned that lesson," she murmured quietly. He feigned curiosity, as he was not supposed to understand that last comment, but dismissed it just as quickly.

"No hard feelings. I did break three of your ribs after all."

"And dislocated my shoulder! Which hurt like a motherfucker, by the way."

"You also tore all the stitches on your stomach, skinned your knees on the carpet pretty well, gave yourself a slight concussion when you pretended to be knocked out the first time, and that cut on your neck will definitely scar. You were not an easy person to get; like I said, you should feel proud."

"Well I'm not! The whole point was to not be here! Just two more seconds and I would've hit the vein," she muttered more to herself than to him. He rolled his eyes at the ability of all women to go from indignant and pissed off, to depressed in three sentences or less.

"Yes, you would have. I find it curious that you would rather commit suicide than continue to fight to live."

Her back snapped away from the wall and became rigidly straight, her eyes sneering at him coldly.

"Yeah, well, you're not the first person to break into my house, and considering how many men had fun with me that time, don't judge me for not wanting to take the chance of having to go through that again. No offense, but as a man, you will never understand what it's like, so let's just drop this, shall we? What else can you tell me?"

The man gave a shrug of one shoulder, his eyes never leaving the orange book in front of his face. In fact, she thought that there was no way he could even see her with the book held so closely to his eyes. She began to creep towards the edge of the bed, eyeing the door.

"Don't even think about it. Surely you've had time to remember our little fight, so it should be pretty obvious that I am very skilled at this. All you have to do is get better and enjoy the ride and we'll get along fine. Decide to be a pain, and I'll take my superior up on the fact that you don't have to be in perfect shape when I deliver you. I'd really rather not do that, so please be sensible about this."

She watched him long enough for him to finish two chapters of his book, and the longer that he was around her, the easier it was to feel out her moods. It was amazing that strong emotions seemed to broadcast out from her so clearly that even a genin would be able to feel it. It would make his job of keeping an eye on her much easier.

Still, he was surprised when she stood and walked over in front of him, crouching down so that they were at the same height. He had never expected her to voluntarily put herself in the same personal space as the person who had kidnapped her, at least not yet. It was not something a sane person would do by a long shot.

"Will you look me in the eyes and tell me you won't rape me or try anything with me?" Kakashi gave her credit for making it sound as though he would be doing her a personal favor by complying, a sly use of basic psychology. He slowly, so as not to alarm her, sat up until he was sitting straight in the chair. Slouching would make it seem as though he were hiding something, and leaning forward would appear aggressive. He looked at both of her eyes in turn before replying simply and formally.

"I promise not to do anything to intimidate or harm you physically as a woman." He felt a flare of chakra from her and was astonished to feel it surround him, testing his chakra. The fact that her chakra was feeling his chakra out for any signs of duplicity was all the more incredible for the fact that she was doing it instinctively. Admittedly, he was able to do the same thing with a little more finesse, but only an ANBU or a jonin with years of experience would have caught her. And she was self-taught, in a way.

He knew it the second her chakra retracted back to her personal space, her body mirroring her chakra by sitting back on her bunk. Now that he was focused on it, he could see that the amount of personal space her chakra had staked out was almost overkill. Assuming that she had doubled it due to her present circumstances, it still meant that on a normal day, her personal space extended over two feet from her actual body. Only the introverted and pathologically shy had that much personal space, but with it doubled, he was afforded very little movement in the cabin without setting it off. If she was doing it intentionally it was a very smart move on her part.

"I believe you. I have two more questions before I go back to sleep. One: am I getting sold on a slaver's market?"

"No." It was hard to keep the surprise out of his answer, and he suspected that she caught it anyway. He was surprised that someone who was a citizen of the most powerful country of their known world would be worried about something like that. Did they have those in her country? He made note of several questions to ask later.

"OK, then do you know if I'm going to serve a temporary use for someone and then they're just going to kill me and dump me off somewhere? If I'm going to die soon I'd honestly rather know now. Would you even tell me if you knew?"

"That's three questions, but no, I don't know, and if I did I would tell you. Even if I was ordered not to, I would tell you." He gave her a second to decide whether he was telling the truth before speaking again.

"I have a question for you, and it's only fair seeing as I answered an extra one for you."

Kakashi was not above using psychology either.

"Ok."

"I find it odd that you were willing to get so close to someone who may or may not have been intending to rape you. It would almost seem stupid to make it that much easier for me if that had been my intention. So why did you feel it necessary to be so close when I answered you?" He was half-curious to see if she would actually blame it on women's intuition, if she even had a clue why she felt the need to be close enough. He doubted it; not one person he had come into contact with, and he admitted there had been very few, had any clue chakra even existed.

What he hadn't expected was the chuckle that made him feel as though he had asked a supremely stupid question.

"If you were going to rape me, and you had already kicked my ass so spectacularly before, how could I stop you now when I'm all banged up to hell?! I don't want to wonder and worry about when you'd jump me, I'd rather just get it over with. I'd rather know the bad news and take the shit as it comes than think up a hundred horrible scenarios and worry about each one of them. If you were gonna do it, you were gonna do it, and there's not a damned thing I can do about it, right?"

"I guess that makes a lot of sense. Well, I can't stop you from worrying about what'll happen once we get off this boat, but at least while we're here it's my job to make sure nothing happens to you. And because I did kick your ass, you should get some sleep. I'll see you when you wake up."

A few seconds of her studying him was apparently all she needed to determine he was telling the truth, not to mention that going to sleep was more of an order than a suggestion, and if she used her chakra to do so he didn't feel it. Without a word she settled carefully back into bed, a few winces she tried to hide showing just how much force he had been made to use to subdue her, and was sleeping in minutes.

He was left in his chair, his book inches from his face and completely forgotten. He had learned so much about her in less than an hour. He abandoned the book and pulled out his mission report scroll, deciding it would be easier to put it down then while the facts were fresh.

-------------

**Relevant Day 23 – Study of target upon regaining consciousness complete. Target did not once panic or lose control of her emotions. She was able to suspend any emotional response typical to a civilian, and a female civilian in particular. Target was primarily interested in gaining the facts of her future situation, and reacted well when she received none. Target is a realist, not shying away from violence when she knows it cannot be avoided. She apologized twice for the shot to the groin, explaining that she only used such a 'cheap shot' because she felt her life was threatened. This demonstrates a developed sense of fairness and honor, as well as adherence to her personal guidelines in combat. She is understandably anxious about her ultimate fate, and had no problem bluntly asking my intentions toward her on the trip. The target was able to use chakra to gauge the truthfulness of my answer regarding my intentions, with a skill level comparable to jonin. It was my observation that the ability to perform that skill was instinctive and unconsciously executed. The target does, however, show absolute trust in the information gleaned from her use of her chakra. This would be invaluable as a future skill as an interrogator. The target overall chooses to think analytically in emergency situations, and is showing proficiency in holding off emotional reactions when those emergency situations are of long duration. I will repeat my opinion that the target would be a valuable asset as a shinobi.**


	6. Her new life and a threat to his

Ch 6

She woke up early, and at first she didn't know why. It had only been another week since she had woken up on the ship with him, and she still hadn't learned his name. While the reasons for not telling her made plenty of sense, she consistently sensed reluctance from him; she had asked several times just to confirm that feeling. Despite his stubborn insistence on keeping his name secret, they had slowly developed a daily schedule around each other. He invariably woke up before her, using the time to do his own personal work outs. When she woke up, she would meditate for a while, depending on how badly her withdrawal from cigarettes was bothering her. Kristen knew full well she had been lucky to spend the first week sleeping, but there were times when she had to resort to whispering foreign curses in every language she could think of under her breath to keep from physically attacking him. Once she had calmed her mind for the day, they would have breakfast. Not being allowed to leave the bunk, as there was a small washroom attached, her meals were dependant on his disclosure. He learned very quickly that her hypoglycemia was not something to take lightly, as no amount of meditation could save him from her temper if he let her go long enough without food. It had been a detail he had needed to know for his report, but it had not been a pleasant experience, especially when she fainted right in the middle of her rage-induced attack. He was still trying to heal the bruises and gouges from that day.

After breakfast she would do her yoga for as long as she was able to for the day, which turned into a source of amusement for her. At first it had been very awkward for her, as yoga tended to put one into positions that could easily be viewed as lewd, but it had taken him until the third day to trust her not to try anything. Really, what could she try when there was nowhere to go? Besides, the snickers that came from his corner of the small room became very disturbing, especially when they could be heard over her Ipod. Naturally, she wasn't exactly timing herself, so she never knew exactly how long her workouts were, but he somehow always seemed to show up a few minutes after she was done. How he knew she could never figure out, as she had already checked the walls for peeping holes, he just seemed to know. It drove her crazy before becoming a source of amusement, one more thing to chalk up to his amazing abilities.

After lunch she was free to do whatever, which amounted to absolutely nothing. He had not brought any of her things with her, and the only reason she had her Ipod was she only took it off to take a shower, so it had been wrapped around her neck when he had attacked her. After the first day of doing nothing but thinking until it was time for dinner, she quickly agreed to any conversation he decided to throw her way. Kakashi did not try to hide that much of what he wanted to talk about was nothing more than information he needed to report to his superior, but what else did she have to do? The cynical part of her figured that if she was going to end up dead somewhere in the near future, telling him everything he wanted to know about her only assured that he would remember her, hopefully, after she was gone. And we all want someone to remember us.

It was disconcerting having a roommate again, as some of her habits were hard to break. There had never been a need to close the door if she was only going to pee really quickly, so she was used to leaving the bathroom door open. The same applied to a shower. Perhaps it was her way of having something familiar to comfort her in unfamiliar surroundings, but it had taken a few days to remember to close the door. While it had made him nervous to know she was peeing four feet away from him, he never discouraged her open door policy for showers. Strangely, she didn't care enough to close the door; it was almost too scary to be that alone with her thoughts.

Obviously, being in a single room, there was only one bed. She had taken one look at the metal chair in the room and his pitiful excuse for a sleeping bag and told him he would be sharing the bed with her. That offer had led to a near interrogation before he was convinced she wasn't trying to sleep her way out of her situation. She was merely being practical. He wouldn't molest her, so she would share the bed, and therefore wouldn't have to deal with a cranky, sleep-deprived guy who was capable of breaking her neck with one hand. It was purely selfish, really. It had been nearly a decade since she had slept alone, with a few exceptions here and there, and she knew herself well enough to know that as weird as it was, she slept better when there was a body next to her. Yes, this man had attacked and kidnapped her, but she had never been able to sleep in the past when she had the bed all to herself. It had been awkward at first, as she was used to cuddling someone, and he would wake her up several times in the night to tell her to roll over because she had her arms and legs wrapped around him. He had questioned her by the fourth night, another interrogation that she spent in mortification, because it felt strange to tell someone intimate sleeping habits with her dead fiancée. But neither of them had gotten a complete night's sleep, with him constantly waking up to the unfamiliar feeling of her burrowing into his back, and her being woken up enough to understand that she had to roll over. After the fourth night, she started training herself to sleep lightly, to catch herself the moment she rolled over to his side and attempted to snake her limbs through his. The result was little to no deep sleep, as she would only do so when he got up for the day, and even then he woke her up a couple of hours later. She began taking long naps in the afternoon to make up for the lost sleep, and it only took him three days to ask what was wrong. Kristen blamed it on having nothing better to do, which was partially true, as he seemed devoted to his book most of the time anyway. He could only handle intense conversation for so many hours before she could practically see his hand itching for his book, so she slept the rest of the day away. By the end of the second week, however, her eyes had developed dark circles, and her appetite had disappeared. She rarely spoke except to answer questions, and her answers were to the point. She knew she was depressed, anyone in her uncertain situation would be, but she knew it was mainly because she hadn't gotten true REM sleep in over a week. Even in the afternoon, she still slept lightly. He finally became concerned enough that he cornered her one day in the metal chair and refused to let her up until she told him what was going on. He was astonished to learn she had been going to such lengths to keep him from feeling uncomfortable sharing the bed, and she felt obligated to do so because she had made the offer of the bed in the first place. It had probably been a little of her depression talking at the time, but it was only fair to point out that the fact that she had been abducted from her country, was being taken to another, and Kakashi not having a clue what her purpose would be did not bode well for her future. Sure, there were many possibilities, but the simple fact was that she was more than likely not being kidnapped to marry royalty and help rule a country, so it would probably be a bad thing instead. He couldn't argue the point, as he knew she may not have very long to live once they made it back to Konoha if they didn't have a purpose for her after her interrogation, but that was still no reason to let her mental health go to shit. He went to great pains to reassure her that if it was bothering her that much, then he could deal with it. He had no significant other, so he wouldn't be betraying anyone by letting her snuggle, and she could get some damned sleep. Unfortunately, she had developed her skill into a habit by then, and it wasn't until he grabbed her arm and pulled it over his side that she would relax and scoot over, her body taking what it needed. He would wake up early every morning, look down at the sight of her tucked into his chest with a leg in-between his, and start his day with a cold shower. The things he did for some of his missions…

-----------------

They were scheduled to be dropped off the next evening while the crew was at dinner, and he could not wait. Only two days after that to get to land, and depending on her stamina, a few more to get home and be done with his very strange mission. He had to admit that it was getting harder not to get attached to her, and the sooner he dumped her on Ibiki, the better. He kept going back to the sleeping thing, that even though he had beat the hell out of her, she had gone to great lengths to make sure he slept well. Sure, it was not his fault she was used to sleeping next to a warm body she had every right to cuddle against all night, but it was not her fault he wasn't used to that, either. Yet she had run herself down trying to change her habits - for him. She did not hold the fact that he had been sent to kidnap her against him, because he had no choice but to follow orders, and she knew he could have been much worse. It was almost weird how her mind almost seemed to work like a man's, because she sure as hell had been a lot more understanding about his role than any woman he had ever known would have been. Hell, she was just a more understanding woman period; even when it had been her period she had not so much as glared at him. The only thing they had truly argued about was her need to recharge her Ipod for the sake of her sanity, and she had had to convince him to sneak into a room with a computer to recharge it. Then steal the computer so that she could do it again in the future. He tried reasoning with her that she wouldn't be able to plug the computer into anything once they got to Konoha, but she had calmly told him that it would be the one issue she claimed female irrationality on. He convinced himself he was only doing it to reward the lack of hassle she had been, that bending on this one issue would not really be a problem. Even if he had to steal a laptop from the cook. He was, however, smart enough to not point out the fact that using so many logical arguments to get what she wanted kind of negated the female logic claim. He wasn't sure if she would have found that funny or not.

The day of their departure was a nightmare. For the first time since he had brought her on the boat, she had the nightmare. It had been necessary to physically restrain her, pinning down her wrists and legs, muffling her screams with his shoulder. It didn't take a psychologist to know that the stress of knowing what would happen that day had brought it on, but that knowledge didn't make it any easier to feel her entire body tremble underneath his and not be able to comfort her or wake her up. When her dream finally played out, she collapsed into a tight ball, nearly hyperventilating. Thankful for his infinite patience, he pulled her close to his body, prepared to spend the rest of the early morning listening to her sniffling and whimpering. To his surprise, she calmed down immediately, pulling him so that his body practically covered hers, as though to shield her from her dreams. Tired of holding his head up after a few minutes, he let it drop down onto her neck. His steady breathing on her skin seemed to do the trick, for it only took ten minutes for her hands to relax their death grip on his back before settling into deeper sleep. He took the opportunity to slip out of bed and stood beside it for a moment, watching her. He remembered a random piece of information she had told him earlier in the week:

"_You want to hear something weird?"_

_A shoulder shrugged to the side of his green book._

"_Sure."_

"_When I was younger, before I met Arthur, the reason I never dated was because none of them smelled right." _

_He looked up from his book, mildly interested. _

"_What do you mean?"_

_She frowned at the ceiling, trying to put her thoughts into a logical order, as she often had a difficult time putting abstract thoughts into words that meant what she was thinking._

"_I have always had a very sensitive nose, even smoking hasn't changed that. I can smell things before most other people do, and I have very good memory association with smells. So when most guys would ask me out, I would get close enough to them to see what they smelled like, which sucked if they were wearing a lot of cologne or something, because then I'd have to get creative so I didn't look like I was flirting too much, ya know? But it was like their pheromones were never the right ones. That was how I knew Arthur was the one, because my body just reacted to how he smelled. I've had lots of guy friends, because they're more honest and just easier to hang out with, but when I was __really__ upset about something, the only one who could make it better was Arthur, because just smelling him would calm me down. Just being able to know he was close enough for me to smell him was all I needed to know I was safe."_

"_You're right, that is weird. Not unheard of, but weird."_

That had been the end of the discussion, but it had stuck out in his mind because he could understand where she was coming from with his sensitive nose. While his views on women meant he put no guidelines on his senses, he could see how smart that initial selection process was.

He didn't know how to feel about the fact that he was the only person other than her late fiancée to be able to calm her just by his pheromones. She had been asleep, so there had been no act on her part, not that he honestly thought she would have tried to pull that off anyway. Besides the fact that they both knew he would see it a mile away, it was more out of respect for him that she had been nothing but honest. Even in the face of the possibility that it would hurt her in the future.

He put the thought away; honestly it disturbed his thoughts too much to allow them to continue. So his body chemistry was found to be appealing to her. So what? It meant nothing. And he had a day to start, starting with his workout. He would let her sleep a few more hours, especially in light of her nightmare. He had a feeling the day would be a rough one for her.

-----------------

It was halfway through his two-hour workout that he became aware that she was awake. She had made no noise, and she had flipped over so that she was facing the wall, but her breathing had changed.

"I know you're awake."

She didn't move, merely shrugged a shoulder.

"I'm never awake this early, so I didn't know if your workout time was like, personal guy time or something. If you wanna toss me my player, I'll just listen to music, or I can go take a shower for a while?"

"Go take a shower. I'll get you when I'm done."

She got up, careful to keep her eyes on the ground, and headed straight for the bathroom, closing the door behind her. He tried to resume his routine, but the fact that his daily schedule had been interrupted annoyed him immensely for some odd reason he couldn't figure out. He knew she was probably awake because she was nervous, and the fact that he would have to walk on eggshells around her all day did nothing to help his irritation. He would settle for some meditation instead. He would be awake for the next two days straight, anyway.

He knocked on the door to let her know she could come out, but he received no answer. He tried again, listening to the sounds inside, but heard nothing with the exception of the dripping of water. Knowing that today would be the day she would try something, he opened the door and froze. The tiny towels they had barely covered her. She was bent over the toilet, her right leg propped up on the wall as she used his razor to shave the back of her leg. With her being bent over, the towel barely kept her chest in check and didn't quite reach the tops of her legs, giving him a nice view of the curve of her ass meeting her leg. She had her music on, which explained why she hadn't responded, and even though he knew any other day he would have been furious that she was using his razor, seeing so much skin when he hadn't had a woman in almost four months was enough to make his mouth dry. He must have zoned out for a minute or two, because she had moved onto the thigh on her left leg. She dipped his straight razor into the sink without having to look and began to shave the top of her thigh. Something must have caught the corner of her eye, because her head turned toward him and saw his eyes fixated on her leg. She couldn't stop the startled shriek that escaped her, her hands flying to her chest to make sure her towel was still holding. The hand holding the razor had dragged over her leg, and the instant pain together with her standing up so quickly on one leg was enough for her to lose her balance. He lunged forward and caught her before she could hit her head on the tiny porcelain tub behind her, guiding her to the toilet seat. She sat down, a little disoriented from being moved so quickly, but the sight of her own blood focused her attention immediately.

"Sorry, I just wanted to clean up a little, and I got startled when I saw you. Don't worry about it, I can take care of it."

By then, blood was running down her lower leg around her ankle, and she reached for the washcloth on the sink, wiping the cut clean to see how badly it was bleeding. She frowned when she saw blood quickly gush down her leg, dripping off her hamstring.

"That's pretty bad. Let me take a look." They both knew it was not a suggestion or an offer, so she sat back without another word. He gently pried open the cut to see how deep it was and was relieved to see it wouldn't require stitches.

"I'll be right back."

She sat in silence while she waited, when he applied something that looked very much like aloe, and when he taped the cut together before wrapping her leg securely. She pretended she wasn't shaking at being touched somewhat intimately by his hands, and he pretended not to notice. To notice would have meant the grin in his mind would have made it to his mouth, and they were close enough that the mask would not have hidden it. He was also pretending that he couldn't smell how clean she was, how soft her legs were, how _close_ she was. Kakashi tried not to, tried to keep his touch impersonal, but his hands couldn't help but linger a second too long once the bandage was secured to her leg, a second only an idiot would fail to notice.

_Her legs are so much stronger than I thought they were. All that yoga shit must work for her._

"You'll be fine. It doesn't hurt too much, does it?"

She shook her head and he took the excuse to get the fuck out of the bathroom.

"I'll go get us breakfast, then."

Yes, he needed some fresh air that didn't smell like Kristen right out of a shower.

-------------------

The rest of the day was almost boring in how they stuck to their schedule rigidly. He almost laughed at how she was the one walking on eggshells around him, but she had been very respectful of his space. She had never asked about his mask, and he seriously doubted she had cooked up any schemes for getting it off of him like his former students had. Even pretending to stay asleep as she had that morning was just another example of the considerate woman she was. That nagging voice in the back of his skull had moved to his chest since wrapping her leg, especially when the voice had asked what the point was in wrapping a dead woman's leg. And for the Kami damned umptienth time, he reminded himself that he had orders. Simple as that. No matter what his head and the feeling in his chest told him.

-------------------------

"Glad to see you back, brat. I take it the mission went well?"

"Yes. Here's the report."

"I'm surprised to see you. Normally you make me wait a day or two before actually showing up. Anxious to get this mission over with?"

After not seeing him for over three months, she was looking for any clue as to whether the council's scheme would actually work, but it was hard to tell so early into it. His leaning lazily against the back wall of her office as he always did certainly did not tell her much.

"No, I have been reading the same book for four months, and I want to make sure Mr. Uki is ok."

"Sakura has been seeing to watering Mr. Uki, so I'm sure he's fine, and I can't help you with your choice of reading material. Anything of interest to tell me about the mission before I kick you out?"

"It's all in the report. My recommendations are at the end."

Tsunade could feel that he was not in the mood to talk, and to insist that he tell her what was in the scroll on the desk in front of her would be pointless.

"Fine. Get out of here, brat, I don't want to see you for a week. Take some time off, because I have a feeling ANBU will have some work for you very soon. Now, GO!" She hurled a paperweight halfheartedly at him, but he had already disappeared out the window.


	7. Vanilla

CH 7

It had been six months, and he had largely forgotten her. ANBU had kept him busy with solo missions to several countries, and he had enjoyed the time to himself. It was becoming all too easy to accept that one strange mission as merely another mission, and therefore not worth remembering. It was a relief to have his life back in order, alone and the way he preferred it.

----------------

He had been asked to find Genma, as they were to pair up for a mission, a simple escort to Suna. It seemed that businessmen having important (jonin) escorts when arriving in another village was quickly becoming all the rage. It was only supposed to take a week, assuming the client wasn't old or hugely obese. Kakashi had been told that Genma was finishing up his last mission at the interrogation center with Ibiki, so he eventually ambled into the secured part of the ANBU headquarters. He did not notice the secretary nodding to a masked agent, who disappeared in a puff of smoke. Several hallways and a few flights of stairs later, he let himself into the basement, where the torture cells were. He had been there many times when he was younger, and those memories would never leave him.

The scarred visage of Ibiki emerged from a door, followed by a masked operative dragging a limp woman by her hair. As they got closer to him, Kakashi was shocked to see that it was Kristen.

It was very obvious that she had been beaten to within an inch of her life. Blood smeared on the floor behind her, and half of her limbs were bent at unnatural angles. Her face was nearly unrecognizable, and where her raggedy clothes had been torn off, he could see old and very fresh bruises and welts littering her body.

He had frozen as soon as he knew it was her, so he had not needed to move in order for them to reach her holding cell. The operative opened the door, and with absolutely no regard for her health or broken bones, tossed her in by her hair. Kakashi reached the door in time to see her hit the far concrete wall and slide down, crumpling limply. If she hadn't been unconscious before, she definitely was after hitting the wall. He almost turned to Ibiki to give him a questioning glance, but the opening of another door caught his attention. Genma exited the interrogation room Ibiki and Kristen had just come from, subtly adjusting his crotch. His senbon was nowhere to be seen, and he looked uncharacteristically serious. It didn't take more than a fraction of a second to realize what Genma had been ordered to do to her, and it took every bit of his will power to not ram a Chidori in his best friend's chest. Knowing he would need a few hours to collect himself if he would be around Genma for a week, especially knowing what he had just done to Kristen, he thrust the scroll against Genma' chest.

"Be at the gates at 7. We leave on time." With a puff of smoke, he was gone, leaving Genma to wonder why Kakashi's normally droopy eye had bored into him with something close to hatred.

-------------------

Seven o'clock came around, and Genma was astonished to see that Kakashi was already at the gates, waiting for his arrival with the client. Without any word of acknowledgement, Kakashi took off on the road to Suna, leaving Genma to converse with the client. In fact, Kakashi kept ahead of the other two for the rest of the day, only stopping to let them know when they would be camping, and then promptly set off in search of firewood. Genma let his friend be until after the businessman had gone to sleep for the night, and then he regarded the silver-haired man gravely across the fire.

"How do you know the woman?"

"That is classified."

Genma had known his friend for over twenty years, so he knew when it was wiser to leave him alone, and this was the mother of all those times. Kakashi seemed to be restraining himself from releasing his anger, and though it went against everything shinobi were taught, it seemed a good time to bend the secrecy rules. In the interest of his future health and Kakashi's anger management.

"What you saw isn't really as bad as you think it is. You know me, Kakashi, and no one could order me to rape a woman. Whoever this woman is, she's been put into an advanced kunoichi program, and you know what part of kunoichi training is. She agreed to be put into the program, and while she may not have chosen me, you know I would never hurt a woman from the leaf. I have to say, though, that I'm surprised. For a second I thought you were going to put me through a wall or Sharingan my ass."

"Thought about it."

The senbon almost fell out of Genma's mouth.

"Jesus, man, who the hell is this chick?" Genma ran a hand through his hair in exasperation. "No one knows where she came from, Ibiki works her over for two months, and then all of a sudden she's training with all of us in secret. She's supposed to be the interrogation squad's shiny new toy, some kind of prodigy with abilities no one's ever seen before, but everything except this chick's name is classified – like Hokage-only kind of classified. So why the hell would you know her and put my ass through a building for touching her? I can see why you'd be pissed, but you were way more than pissed, my friend. You were a condom short of homicidal. I've only seen you like this with Sakura, and I know damn well she's like a little sister to you. So what the hell is up with you?"

"I'll take first watch." Kakashi stood up and turned to leave the camp first, but Genma called him back.

"Hatake, I'm being serious, man. I've never seen you like this over a woman. She signed up for this, man. You know they would've explained exactly what she was getting into before giving her the choice, so she may have looked like hell, but she asked for it. Now I've told you everything I know, which isn't jack shit, so it's your turn to share the knowledge. Why are you getting' so emotional over a woman, 'cause this ain't like you man."

Kakashi turned around, but neither his body nor eye betrayed anything of his thoughts or emotions. Genma was always amazed at how inscrutable the Copy Nin always was, but this time he was assuming it took a lot to keep up the pretense.

"I know where she is from and everything about her, but you were right in that it is all highly classified. I should not have even told you that much. I'll wake you up for your watch."

He took off before Genma had a chance to say another word, and the senbon-user honestly had no idea if his friend was still mad at him or not. He even thought he might actually know less than when their short conversation had begun.

---------------------

Four days later two men walked through the gate to the Leaf village and went different directions without a word to each other. One went straight to the memorial, the other to deliver their report to the Hokage. Genma was let into the Hokage's office almost immediately.

"Tsunade-sama."

"Report."

"Kakashi reacted almost violently when he assumed I had violated Kristen-san. And I mean he almost reacted violently. He actually was early at the gate, got there before myself and the client. I tried to talk to him that night, but the only information he would give up is that he knew where she was from and her background. While I assured him I did not hurt her, he was still clearly pissed off. He barely talked to the client and I think he's said exactly three words to me since that first night. I really can't tell if it's because he has a lot on his mind and wants to know what's going on, or if he really is pissed off that I touched that woman. I would advise that you tell him what her status is and let him verify it in person, because he was distracted the entire mission."

"Distracted to what extent?"

Genma twirled the senbon in his mouth a few times before looking his Hokage straight in the eye.

"Distracted so that if a band of thieves had shown up, I would not have depended on his ass to save mine or the client's. He didn't even touch his Icha Icha once!"

A slender eyebrow met his exasperation with a quick nod, mutely dismissing him from her sight.

"Shizune! Get me Ibiki, now!!"

---------------------

Kakashi left the Hokage's office with mixed feelings. He was supposed to go straight to ANBU headquarters to pick up his next mission, but his feet took him to the memorial, the place he always went when his thoughts got too chaotic. And they were. Part of him was happy that Kristen was his next mission, that he could make sure she would be ok, that she got properly trained. That she never got another black eye or a broken leg from Ibiki. Another part was wary. While he knew that he was a simple shinobi, a tool of the village, those same skills he used to protect his home were telling him that something wasn't adding up. Kakashi didn't know if it was his paranoia, or it simply was that he wasn't meant to know very much about Kristen's future role in the village that bothered him, but his instincts were telling him that something was going on. Sure, it sounded plausible enough: Kristen already had the ability to use chakra, so it only made sense to use her if she could be valuable. No sense wasting talent on a dead body. But most shinobi were lucky to make it to her age, and that was because they had lived long enough to get that experience. She would have none, so either she would have to be very lucky, or very good to survive. The fact that he was to train her for ANBU standards was almost preposterous. No one could get that level of skill in one year. It took kids who started out young sometimes to their early twenties to be accepted. Most achieved it around 18, but the point was one year of training would not be nearly enough for a civilian. Was there something he didn't know about her?

Then there was the real problem. Kakashi knew that Genma was worried about him. Kakashi had never gotten upset over a woman, no matter what was being done to her, unless it was Sakura. For someone that he had only known for a month and a half, and hadn't seen in over six months after that, he had definitely acted as though Kristen meant something to him. But what? Sure, she was a great person, much more laid back than any other woman he had met, but that didn't mean he was ready to pump out kids with her or tie himself down. Maybe he recognized the rare quality of complete loyalty in a friend, one who would be there no matter what time of night, no matter the problem. That kind of friends were hard to find, and the last person he could say was that to him was the Yondaime. That was 18 years ago when he died, and Kakashi had been content with casual friends since. Even his former students, who were the closest people he had, were not ones he felt he could share any type of true thoughts or feelings with. But he honestly could see himself sharing them with Kristen, given enough time. She had proven that she did not judge or assume anything, and was content with the fact that he had not wanted to let her get to know him at all. If he had been stuck in a cabin with Sakura for a month, he would have probably killed her halfway through the trip. He loved her, but Sakura was way too nosey and maternal for his liking sometimes.

So he just saw her as best friend material. He could deal with that, as he was more than capable of having a woman as a best friend without complicating things. Which would explain why he was relieved to know that her care had been turned over to him, because it would have bothered him just as much to see Genma that badly beaten as well. And the training for ANBU, the feeling that there was more going on than he was being told, well, it _was_ ANBU for Kami's sake. Kakashi would still keep his eyes open, because his instincts were never wrong, and he did not like the possibility that Kristen would be used as a pawn caught up in the politics of the council and ANBU.

His thoughts organized and rationalized out, he headed back to headquarters without a troubled thought. When he checked in with the secretary, he was told that Kristen was still being cleaned up, but he was handed a small bag of her effects. That bag turned out to be her engagement ring, computer, and Ipod; it was hard to keep a smile from creeping onto his face. It figured that not even Ibiki could persuade her to let go of her music player. He headed down to the clinic, assuming a medic would be checking her over once she got cleaned up, but he still intended to give her a once over when they got back to his house. For once in his life he was glad he didn't live in a tiny apartment like most shinobi; while his home wasn't much, it would be enough space for two people easily.

A nurse had come out and asked if he was there for Kristen before motioning him inside the clinic. She told him to give her a week to heal up before starting any training and promptly left. Kakashi bent over and picked Kristen up off of the exam table, cringing when she moaned in pain. His surprise that the medic had only healed her enough to be safely moved was quickly changed to anger and indignation.

Not even the ANBU entrance exam was this brutal to applicants, and she hadn't even taken it yet.

Deciding quickly that the drain of chakra would be worth it, he made the hand sign and transported to his bedroom. Even though he was so careful when he placed her on his bed, he still heard her make a noise in her throat. He pulled the edge of the cover from the other side of the bed and covered her up, sitting next to her.

"Kristen, can you hear me?"

When he received no response, he decided to call in a favor, hoping she would still be out of it when he got back.

------------------------

"Sakura, I need a personal favor."

"Sure, Kakashi, what do you need?"

"I have someone I need you to fix up for me. I can't tell you anything else, and you have to promise not to tell anyone you did this for me."

Sakura looked at him funny, waiting for the punch line, or another excuse, but he appeared to be serious.

"Am I not supposed to be doing this? I don't want to get caught up in one of your Icha Icha inspired scandals, Kakashi. Why not just bring her to the hospital?"

"Sakura, I can't tell you why. Just trust me, keep this confidential, and I owe you. Will you do it?"

Sakura knew her former teacher well, and it was not hard to catch the urgency and frustration in his voice. Not to mention that he now had her officially curious. Damn that man.

"Give me five minutes."

-------------------

Sakura had taken two steps into his bedroom before rushing over the unconscious woman.

"What the hell happened to her?!"

Kakashi leaned against his doorframe, letting his head fall against it with a clunk.

"I can't tell you that, Sakura. Let's just say a medic didn't think it necessary to extend her much hospitality. I want to know what exactly the extent of her injuries are, and when she can get up and move around."

He watched as his former pupil did a thorough examination, his eyes glued on her face to see every time she frowned or looked shocked. He wanted to know what Ibiki considered 'kunoichi training', and he was saving every look on the compassionate medic nin's face for when he would need his anger in the future.

"Kakashi, I'm glad you brought me. The medic who worked on her didn't know shit, or she didn't give a shit. Give me ten or fifteen minutes to fix her up and I'll give you the list. I want to take care of her injuries as soon as possible." Sakura waited for Kakashi to leave, giving him a pointed look when he remained where he was.

"Uh, sensei, could you give us some privacy?"

"No, I need to see what they did to her." No other explanation was offered, and it was clear from his tone that he would not change his mind for anything. She quirked an eyebrow at him, her curiosity now roaring through her at his strange behavior, but in the end only sighed. Not only would he not be leaving, but he had also made it plain he was not at liberty to answer any questions, and she was sure the nature of his attachment to this mystery woman was definitely one of those questions.

He endured the wait in silence, watching with a sense of relief as every bruise and gash was healed until Kristen seemed to be in perfect health. Now able to see her face free of any blemishes, he felt a lot of the tension in his shoulders release. He knew Sakura was almost done, and it was only polite to at least offer her tea for doing this as a personal favor.

"Would you like me to make you some tea, Sakura?" he asked quietly.

"Yes, please. She took a lot out of me. Tea would be nice."

He left and headed for his kitchen, setting some water to boil. He let himself get lost in his thoughts for only a moment before he heard a shriek come from the bedroom. He burst through the doorway a few seconds later to see Kristen kneeling on the bed, holding a kunai to Sakura's throat, presumably the kunai he always had under his pillow. Kristen's gaze immediately swung around to see who had burst in, the look in her eyes not quite panic, but groggy desperation. Upon seeing him, it only took a second for recognition to hit her eyes.

"Kakashi! Do you know this person?"

"Yes, Kristen. You can let her go." Kristen immediately complied, and Sakura bound away to stand next to Kakashi. Kristen replaced the kunai under his pillow, and he made a note to ask her later how she knew it was there.

"Are you ok, Sakura?"

She gave him a nod.

"Yes, I'll go get that tea now. I'll wait for you in the kitchen."

She left Kakashi and Kristen looking at each other, both waiting for the other to break the silence.

"Sorry. I don't know where I am and I didn't know who was touching me. I tend to freak out when people I don't know touch me." That seemed to be all she was going to give him, so it was up to him to keep the conversation going, at least until he knew he could leave her alone long enough to talk to Sakura.

"You're at my home. I asked her to take care of you as a favor. Will you be ok for a little while so I can go talk to her?"

"Tell her I'm sorry," she nodded before snuggling back under his covers. He gave her a grunt before closing the door behind her. He found Sakura in the kitchen with two cups of tea in front of her.

"Everything ok?"

"Yes. She was disoriented and didn't know who was touching her. She didn't hurt you, did she?"

"Nah. I think she was trying to figure out what was going on, so once she got a hold of me, she was just looking around. I'm just glad she didn't try and throw the kunai at you when you came in. She's a lot more trained than she looks. I didn't think she'd be awake for a day or two, much less able to catch me by surprise like that. Whoever she is, she's good."

He was careful not to let show how much her offhanded remark bothered him. He knew that the Kristen he had dropped off seven months ago would never have been able to take Sakura in any circumstances. But first thing was first.

"So what was the list of injuries?"

Sakura's face darkened, her eyes boring into his single eye.

"Whoever had her either were very knowledgeable, or they were trying to kill her. Her left arm and right leg were broken. She had four broken toes, six broken fingers, a concussion, fractured collarbone, punctured left lung, bruised kidney, severe bruising to her abdominal muscles, whip marks on her back and legs, fractured jaw, and they beat the hell outta her face. I can't really tell if it was consensual or not, but I saw evidence of recent sexual activity. There was no tearing or damage to that area, so I'm hoping it wasn't rape, but you'll have to ask her to know for sure. She'll be fine in a day or two, but I would give her at least a week before letting her do any heavy lifting or anything strenuous. I want to give those breaks time to settle in and harden before she puts stress on them. So how does she know you?"

Kakashi sighed and peered into his tea as though it would tell him the answers to all of his questions. Or a million ryo, whichever came first.

"I can't tell you that, Sakura. I know you're curious, but I can't tell you. I appreciate you doing this for me. I really do owe you."

Sakura waved him off, finishing her tea and rinsing the cup out in his sink.

"Don't worry about it, sensei. I've got to get back to the hospital, and I'll keep this confidential. Maybe next time we can be properly introduced."

"Hn."

Sakura sighed at the noncommittal answer before letting herself out of his apartment. If she didn't know any better, she would think those two had known each other for a while. She loved a good mystery, especially where her mysterious former sensei was concerned.

Kakashi made another cup of tea and brought it into the bedroom, knocking before going in. He saw her sitting up as he opened the door. She accepted the cup gratefully, watching him as he sat on the low table right next to his bed.

"She ok? I don't think I did anything, but I was still half-asleep."

"She's fine. She was more surprised that you were able to wake up so soon. How do you feel?"

Kristen stretched her arms and legs carefully, surprise lighting her face.

"Good, actually. How long have I been out?"

"A few hours. Sakura's one of the best in the village." He gave her a few minutes to sip her tea, the caffeine enough to help her wake up. She took in the bedroom, the view outside of the window, and systematically moved different parts of her body to check for damage without finding any. She also took in the collection of threads that used to be clothes, wincing as she remembered how they got that way. While they covered the important parts, she looked like a beggar about to bite it. Fortunately, she was with Kakashi, and she was used to a certain amount of familiarity with him.

"I know I have questions, and I'm sure you do, but is it ok if I get a shower and some new clothes first?"

He gave her a grunt, and it made her grin to remember how many different responses he could make with a single grunt. She pulled the cover off of her and got out of bed, pointing questionably at a door on the other side of the room. He nodded and she went in, once again failing to close the door. He pulled a change of clothes for her out of his drawers and set them on the sink in the bathroom, letting his gaze rest on her for only a second through the curtain before retreating to the kitchen again, taking her empty cup with him. Assuming she would be hungry, and knowing well the consequences of her going without food for too long, he set out making her ramen. As usual, she was only five minutes in coming out, and though his clothes were definitely not made to accentuate a woman's curves, he thought they looked good on her. She sat down at his table and he handed her a bowl of ramen that she gladly accepted. He seemed content to be silent while she ate, lost in thought. Once she was done, she sat back and looked at him frankly.

"I honestly thought I wouldn't ever see your masked face again. It's been a while; how are ya?"

"Fine. Why are you still alive?"

She laughed, almost relieved to have a reason to laugh at all. It had been too long since she had.

"Yeah, I thought I'd be dead too. But it seems that since my former government saw fit to kill my former reason for getting up in the morning, it only made sense to say yes when they offered me a new one."

"So they told you what your government did?"

He expected to see some sort of emotion from her, as he considered himself adequate at reading her, but her face surprisingly showed nothing.

"Yeah. I was pissed for about a month, but it's not like I can go back and personally castrate the fuckers, so I just save it for when I need the anger. It helped me get through some of Ibiki's bad days."

"You understand what you agreed to? They explained what being an ANBU is like?"

"Hell, Kakashi, I got nothing really to live for, no one who knows me or gives a shit, so why not be trained to do their dirty work? I have nothing better to do, honestly. What little family I have left already thinks I'm dead, so if it happens next month or next year, it'll still end up being true eventually, at least this way I'll do some good before I go."

"That's a fatalistic view of your future. Not exactly a healthy way of living."

"Not fatalistic, realistic. The only people I know here, you, Ibiki, and Genma, are just guys doing your job. If I kick it tomorrow, I know it's nothing more than a loss of manpower, so how is it going to make me feel better to delude myself into thinking there's more than there is? I'm not depressed or looking for sympathy, I'm merely stating the facts. Life sucks, it beats the hell outta you and then kicks you in the balls when you're on the ground. Getting all female and whiny won't change that. So, I'm taking it one breath at a time. At least I do have a purpose, something to focus on. I really didn't have that when I first met you."

What the hell was he supposed to say to that? Sorry someone was heartless enough to tell you why you're alone? Sorry you had to choose between dying now and dying later for the people who told your government to kidnap you in the first place? Sorry you are completely alone in the world and have only a job that requires you to shed blood as a reason to get up in the morning?

Kristen could tell he was a little uneasy, that she had shared too much. She thought quickly, remembering what she could of their past conversations. She figured the best way to get over the awkward silence was simple redirection.

"So, you're my new sensei, huh? They never told me who it would be."

"Hai. Sakura said to give you a week to make sure her healing had time to set in, and then we can start training. There are things I will teach you in the meantime and we need to get you clothes."

"So am I staying with you again? Not that you're not a bad roommate, but sharing a bed on a boat out in the middle of the ocean is one thing. I can take the couch if you want; this is your place, after all."

Kakashi gave her an eye-smile, leaning back against the kitchen sink.

"That won't be necessary. We both know you sleep better when we share the bed, and the couch is not made for sleeping."

"Yes, but I've been warned that your country is a lot more conservative than mine, so won't people talk about me living here, much less sharing your bed?"

He rubbed the back of his neck, and as she didn't know what that gesture meant, she memorized it for later.

"Yeah, see, if eventually they see fit to let you go out and live on your own, you'll probably find out that I have a reputation for two things: I'm late and I enjoy reading my books. I'm also supposedly somewhat of a hentai, or at least I'm always being accused of being one, so I don't think having you here will surprise anyone. It doesn't really matter, because we're both under orders anyway."

Kristen snorted halfway through his explanation and burst into outright laughter at the mention of the word hentai. Kakashi tried to look at her reprovingly, but he could tell she wasn't really laughing at him.

"So it's ok because you're a pervert and people expect you to do something like this?! Oh God, we can't ever let anyone know what I'm really like or no one will ever set foot in your apartment ever again. What are the chances that I get kidnapped and trained by an unabashed perv? Well, at least you won't have to worry about me getting insulted or something."

Seeing a perfect opportunity to keep the comfortable mood going, and being one to enjoy pushing others' buttons in general, he indulged in a little teasing.

"Why, are you also an unabashed perv? You don't look like one, and besides the fact that you don't seem to know how to close the bathroom door, you seem very vanilla."

She stood up so suddenly the chair kicked out behind her, her expression a mixture of amusement and outrage, pointing a shaking finger at him.

"You take that back! How dare you accuse me of being vanilla! I'll have you know I could make you run out the door screaming in terror!!"

He sauntered over to her, taking his time, stalking toward her. His eye burned intensely, but she could see the humor hidden in them as well. Like he could probably see the mirth in hers. It had been hard not to laugh at implying that he would ever run out of a door because she scared him.

"Oh really? You think a vanilla kunoichi-wanna-be like you could make a hentai like me feel intimidated?" He pinned her to the table with a hand on each side of her hip on the table, his wrists brushing against her hips. She was obligated to lean back when he leaned forward, bending her uncomfortably at the waist. She looked into his eye, keeping her face carefully neutral.

"Kakashi, just how far do you want this to go? You start a war, there are no rules. You see how easily this could go too far, just to prove something you probably already know." She leaned forward until their noses were a fraction away from touching.

"My former government gave you a full profile on me, correct? They had to have, because Ibiki knew things about me that no one could have known without seeing it with their own eyes, or bugging my home. And if Ibiki knew, then you know. So you know I like to bite and scratch, that I prefer doggy style, but I can ride the pony for over an hour before I get tired, don'tcha?" She saw the slightest hint of a blush around his exposed eye, and let a sly smile stretch out her lips.

"Did they tell you I like to be bit, that when I'm in the mood, I like it when a guy gets rough, where he has to fight for the right to get what he wants, that if he wants it bad enough he might have to throw me on the floor and pin me down?" She rubbed her nose against his in an Eskimo kiss, though she doubted he had ever heard of one. She chuckled when he automatically jerked his body back, giving her enough space to get from in-between him and the table.

"Well, now that we've established that I'm as un-vanilla as can be, I'm going to take my vanilla-_colored_ ass back to bed. I'll see you when you turn in for the night, Kashi." With a cheeky wink, she walked back to the bedroom, careful not to overdo it by waving her hips at him as she walked. She was dying to look back to see his reaction, would have given anything to have a mirror, but she knew it would be more dramatic not to. Laughing at herself silently for actually doing anything in the name of drama, she let herself fall onto the side of the bed uncovered by the blanket, wishing she had underwear so she didn't have to wear so many clothes to bed. After trying to fall asleep for a few minutes, she gave up and rooted through his clothes until she found a tank top and boxers. Uncaring about the uncovered window, she changed into the lighter clothes and fell to sleep almost instantly.


	8. Get out while you can

Ch 8

Kristen woke up early in the morning long before the sun would rise, but there was enough light from the street to be able to see slightly in the darkened room. Automatically taking stock of where she was, she noticed the scorching heat smothering her front. She could feel Kakashi's top arm hugging her to his chest, her head tucked neatly under his chin. His leg was bent in the middle of hers, and it felt like she had stuck a finger in a light socket when she felt his thigh snug up against her. If it hadn't been for her kunoichi training, she probably would have frozen and woke him up. Instead, she contented herself with looking at the ceiling, which was all she could see with her head bent to the side. Which explained her sore neck. She leaned back just enough to turn her head forward, which smashed her nose into the top of his chest, just above the tank top. It was impossible not to smell his skin with her nose so close, and she would be lying to herself if she said he didn't smell good.

"Go back to sleep, vanilla."

Not wanting to be bothered with embarrassment at being caught sniffing him, because she hadn't actually sniffed him per se, she settled for murmuring into his chest before closing her eyes. He only had to wait ten minutes before being satisfied that she had fallen to sleep, and only then did he allow himself to carefully pull his leg from its' warm spot. Or at least he tried; the moment he was no longer between her inner thighs, her legs clamped down on his leg with a strength that almost hurt. He couldn't help but huff his irritation, his breath blowing against her hair. Between her actions earlier in the day and the fact that he seemed to have been the cuddler this time, his self-control was in serious contention with his body.

He had been very glad she had not looked back when she had left the kitchen, and even then he had been careful to keep his back to her, because the words she had spoken combined with feeling her breath on his mask had visibly affected his body. Even after she had closed the door to the bedroom, he had not moved from his spot for some time, trying every trick he knew to get his hormones to settle back down. Yes, he had known about her penance for biting and scratching, but everything else had most definitely been new information. Either Ibiki had known something he didn't, or someone had gotten it out of her during interrogation. His being out of the loop was entirely beside the point, that being that she had managed to completely fluster him. Not only had she made her point, but if he wasn't mistaken, she had proven that she was an even greater hentai than him. Granted, she came from a culture that was more open about sex, but he had gotten the impression that she was a little extreme even there. While he admitted to being intrigued, especially by the idea of fighting her for the right to take what he wanted, he gave her credit for stopping the challenge before it even started. She was right in that the situation could have gone too far very quickly, especially with his feelings barely classified in a safe category. Honestly, he could see himself heading into dangerous territory, all the more so because she was now a kunoichi. She was now permanently in his world, and he would be in close contact with her for the next six months. He would have to be careful to keep her in the best friend category and remind himself that she was practically a widow.

As one who was a long-time friend with the full range of negative emotions, he really didn't know if he should be worried about her new outlook on life or not. Kakashi supposed it could be considered realistic, her way of looking at things, but it wasn't entirely accurate. She wasn't completely alone and he would very much care if she died, but he had a feeling that she wasn't ready to actually hear him say it. She was still trying to process a complete life change, and on a minor note recover from whatever Ibiki did to her, which he had still to find out.

Which brought him back to the present. Somehow, after not seeing her for six months, he had no problem holding her when he was asleep. Kakashi, the person who actually touched another human being maybe three or four times a year, who had been avoiding it for so long that he forgot exactly why touch had been ruled as bad, was quickly learning that his body had decided to disregard his usual rules. He couldn't claim that it still made him uncomfortable, as he had gotten over that back on that ship, but he was surprised at how quickly he had gotten back into the habit. One night was apparently all he needed before it was not only ok for her to be wrapped around him, but he was the one instigating it.

Yes, she was only going to be a best friend. And he would be sneaking out onto the couch a lot for the next six months.

Oi.

-----------------------

"Give me a report on her status, brat."

"She seems to be adjusting fairly efficiently considering the circumstances. I have concerns about her emotional stability in the long-term, but I think if she was able to get out eventually and meet other shinobi, have a few friends, then she will be fine. Right now she is too detached, and the fact that she is ok with it will become a problem if not addressed. Her level of skill after only six months of training is impressive, she just needs practical experience."

"Do you think she is capable of taking on missions if you are there for support?"

"Yes, I do. I do not think she would work well with a four-man cell right now, I don't think she's ready for it. I want to work on her individual skills for a couple of months before easing her into a group."

"Fine. I'll let you know if a suitable mission comes up. When you think she is ready, let her get to know Team 7, they're all ANBU now, so when she passes her ANBU test, she will be assigned to them if they work out. Besides, Naruto can bring anyone out of their shell. Is she handling her experience with Ibiki?"

"I don't know. She's told me she doesn't want to talk about it and won't give a reason why. It's not a lack of trust in me, she doesn't seem to want to share what he did to her. I will keep trying."

"Good. If there aren't any more concerns, then I think we're done here."

"Hai."

------------------------

"How would you like to go out for dinner?"

"You mean, out as in outside the door, not in the apartment but where actual people are, out?"

"Uh, yeah. Is that really that strange?"

"If you consider my ability to keep my sanity when the only time I leave these walls is to train normal, then yes, that is strange. So where are we going? Wait, don't answer that, because I really don't care. Maybe when we're out with _people, _I can get clothes that aren't yours? No offense, I love walking around smelling like you," she said with an exaggerated roll of her eyes to let him know she was messing with him, "but I would love even more to actually own something of my own besides my music player. And before you object, I would like to argue that I do not shop like the average chick. I know what I like, I go in, I find and make sure it fits, I get several more of what I just tried on, and we're done. If I can't find it in a half an hour, it can wait. And I refuse to go to a girly shop, because I don't see the need for anything other than these kinds of clothes, so can we can we can we?"

Not that he was going to object anyway, but the fact that she decided to jump up and down like a little kid and attempt to pull puppy dog eyes on him was enough to make a grin form under his mask even though he fought it. There was no way he could refuse her after her convincing arguments and the memory he would have of her abysmal puppy eyes that he would enjoy remembering until the day he died.

"Well, that took care of all my reasons to say no, so let's get the shopping over with first."

"Cool, then we drop it off here so I don't have to carry it around the rest of the evening?"

She took his shrug as a yes and ran to the bedroom to grab one of his long-sleeved shirts. She had taken to walking around in just a tank top and boxers if they were home, so he had been obligated to stock up on them. And he had not done it because he liked seeing her in his underwear. Swear to Kami.

He had to give her credit as they walked down the streets. It was her first time walking for an extended period of time through town, as the way to the training fields did not take them by any shops, and her height was unusual. At just under 71 inches, she was only four inches shorter than Kakashi, who was definitely on the tall side. Not to mention the glances she was being given for merely walking beside him. He was almost always seen alone, and if not then it was almost exclusively with his team. Maybe it was because for once he wasn't reading his book? It wasn't his fault she was actually enjoyable to talk to, and she never made him uncomfortable, so there was no reason to hide behind the book, so it just wasn't needed. He was grateful she seemed to be oblivious to the stares, but she was a kunoichi, so maybe she was good at hiding it. Either way, he led her quickly to the place he went to for clothes, and she surprised him yet again. It actually surprised him that she had not ceased to surprise him yet. Did that even make sense?

"Ya know, I know shopping is really not a guy thing, so if you want to disappear for twenty or thirty minutes, I'll just come out when I'm done?"

"What, you don't trust my fashion sense?" He admitted to being addicted to teasing her. He hadn't been able to make her lose her temper yet as he could so easily with Sakura, and he was infinitely curious as to how far he would have to go to accomplish that.

"No, I'm just trying to give you an out so you don't have to wander through the store while you wait for me. I know guys hate to shop, so I'm saying you don't have to."

"Well, if I'm going to be spending my hard-earned money, I want to see what I'm spending it on."

Kristen blushed and looked away for a moment, and he gave himself credit for making her blush; it was an incredibly difficult thing to accomplish.

"I told you I would pay you back once I get a couple missions. It's not like I'm going to buy a whole wardrobe, just enough to get me by."

"I think I'll come in all the same."

"You just want to peek when I go into the dressing room, don't you?" she shot him a knowing glance, daring him to deny it.

"Why would I have to do that when I see you naked in the shower all the time?" he shot back with all the patient wisdom of a sage.

"Oh yeah, good point. Ok, then, let's go and get this over with."

_And that is why I said 'yes', because I have a feeling she shops like a guy too._ He had to smile at the fact that she made it sound as though she were going to face a firing squad instead of clothing racks.

--------------------

It had been a month since he had taken her on as his mission, and he had gotten to know her even better, in a way all the reports in the world could never accomplish. While they had both silently decided to refrain from any more sexually deviant pissing contests, she had proven to be a fan of Icha Icha, and they had spent many an evening reading their own volumes for hours without exchanging a word. She had shown that she was ok with his tendency toward lengthy silences, and he had grown accustomed to the changes that Ibiki was more than likely responsible for. Kristen was a little more reserved, less generous with her smiles, and she had frequent nightmares even with him beside her at night. She had still refused to tell him what had been done to her, telling him that she honestly doubted he could handle it without wanting to kill someone.

They had quickly formed another daily routine, maneuvering around each other so well they were like an old married couple; she knew when he wanted tea and he knew she hated having first dibs at the bathroom in the morning, because she preferred the smell of his soap to be in the air. She claimed it helped to wake her up, reminded her of a fond childhood memory, but wouldn't tell him what that memory was – yet. He had come to truly appreciate their routine, the stability it gave him. If this was what living with a woman could be like, he could handle it. He knew she was unusual in the fact that if he needed space or to just take off for a few hours, she never questioned where he was going or with who, just that she would see him when he got back. Kristen never tried to limit his freedom or pretend to be anything other than a roommate, never presumed on him or lectured him for leaving his towel on the bathroom floor. The fact that she always picked up after him without a single complaint made him want to do it just so she didn't have to. He was seriously considering asking her to stay even after she was considered a full kunoichi. He would reason with her that they would save money on rent and utilities, knowing she wouldn't question his motives further.

The thing that bothered him was that he was starting to think something he had many times while he had been in her old country: her man had been a lucky guy.

It was unsettling to him that he honestly didn't know where she was in that area, if she had dealt with the fact that her fiancée had been killed for a purpose, if she had really finished accepting his death at all. She never mentioned him, and even though he knew she probably never would, probably assuming it would make him uncomfortable, the longer he was around her, the more he wanted to bring up the issue. Maybe their dinner would be the perfect opportunity to bring it up.

He was distracted from his thoughts when she came out of the dressing room with an armful of clothes and announced that she was done. When he protested that she had not shown him any of them, she smirked and said he would have to wait until they got home. And he'd be damned if her choice of words didn't send a little thrill through him. Their home.

As he was paying for her clothes, he noticed that she had managed to get a lot of clothes for not a whole lot of money. He waited until they were out of the shop and headed back to the apartment to drop them off before questioning her about it.

"Oh, that's habit. See, where I came from, most people were always concerned about wearing expensive clothes made by famous people. I always shopped at the stores that were second hand, and then I would get the ones on sale, because then I could get more. If I ruined something, it wasn't a big deal because I could always go replace it. It's against my religion to buy something for full price if I can get it somewhere on sale."

"You're religious?"

"It's an expression. I meant it was against my own personal beliefs. I like to save and hoard my money."

"Ah, a miser after my own wallet."

She gave him one of those rare, full smiles, and he memorized it as he had every other one he had ever earned.

"Can I be a gentleman and carry your bag?"

"Won't that ruin your reputation or something?"

"Actually, it might improve it, so you're probably right. We don't want people thinking that being around you is making me a better person." He smiled when she tried to shove him, but naturally, it didn't work. Trying to move him was generally like trying to dislodge a boulder.

"Ass. You know deep down that I'm a degenerate the same as you. Don't go making me out to be better than I really am, or people will only be disappointed."

He led the way up to their apartment door, unlocking it and holding it open for her. She leaned in just far enough to toss it in before stepping back to let him relock it.

"That reminds me. I talked with Hokage a couple of days ago, and she gave me permission to let you meet my team, the one I trained when I was younger? They're all ANBU as well, and I've worked with them for the last 6 years, so I thought it might be nice to get you out and training with other people as well."

"It's ok for me to hang out with other people?"

"Eventually. Let's see how it goes. We'll meet up with them next week for lunch or something and see where it goes."

"I can handle lunch. You'll have to tell me about them later."

He led her into a ramen restaurant and selected a table in a corner. Once a waitress had taken their order and given them their drinks, he looked at her warily.

"Kristen, I want to ask you a personal question, but I understand if you don't answer."

"Ok, it sounds serious, Kashi."

"Well, I'm hoping you don't get mad, honestly. This is pretty personal."

Kristen leaned forward on her elbows and looked straight into his eye.

"Well, how about you ask me your question and then I ask you one. And you don't have to answer if you don't want to either. Will that make it easier?" She could see that he was still nervous about whatever question he had in mind, and while she was quickly becoming anxious, she hid it with a teasing smile.

"C'mon, hentai, you know I don't get insulted easily. It's not like you're asking this to intentionally piss me off, right?"

He shook his head.

"Well, then, see? I may not like your question, or answer it, but if it's bothering you this much, you should get it out."

His hand itched for Icha Icha, that's how reluctant he was to bring up the subject, and if he was going to be honest, it was because he was afraid of the answers. But he shouldn't be, because she was only his best friend.

"I am worried about you. You never talk about your fiancée or even mention him. I was just curious what he was like."

He held his breath, waiting to see what her reaction was, and he had to wait at least thirty seconds before he got one.

"Why do you want to know?" she asked carefully. Caution was not a good sign in his book. He had no intention of telling her he wanted to know because part of him couldn't help but feel close to her, that he almost viewed a dead man as competition, so he went with the other reason, the safe one.

"Look, I lost everyone when I was younger, and I know it just doesn't go away, so I was wondering if you were ok. That, and I am honestly curious."

When Kristen stared hard at him for a few minutes as though he were an enemy that she was trying to judge, he had to push down the feeling of hurt. He had no bad intentions, so why was she looking at him as though he were a complete stranger that had asked for her number or something?

She gave a shuddering sigh before leaning back against her chair.

"Arthur was perfect. For me. He would have probably driven every other woman on the planet insane, and his previous two wives definitely qualify as insane." He watched her eyes become unfocused, as though she weren't really there any more, too caught up in memories. Any jealousy that he was definitely not feeling was summarily squashed.

"To put it simply, he was my other half. Where I lacked, he excelled, and vice versa. I knew when he was upset or happy or mad just by looking at him, and he knew how I felt by my voice. We were both artists, and artists see things differently from everybody else, so we could understand each other when we said things only an artist could appreciate. He was my hero, my mentor in some things, and I lusted after him like a two dollar whore." She couldn't help the goofy grin at her choice of words, and even he let a chuckle out.

"Even when he broke up with me for six months, we were still best friends, which is probably what got us through it. He was my first thought every morning, my reason behind almost every decision I made, and I intended to live long enough to die shortly after him of a broken heart. He had a lot of hobbies, and most of them I had very little interest in, but I could listen to him all day just to see the look on his face when he was talking about something he loved. He had the best looking ass I'd ever seen in or out of clothes," she grinned lecherously before becoming somber once again.

"He was the center of my universe, and even on our worst day when we went without food because we were broke and had no idea when it would get better, when things just kept piling up on us until it never seemed like we'd get our heads above water, I never regretted for a second my decision to spend my life with him."

She gave a shrug and looked at Kakashi for the first time with focus.

"He was the other half of my soul, and even though part of me will always love him and miss him, that part of my life is over. He used to try to get me to promise that if he died before me, I would find someone else so I wouldn't be alone for the rest of my life, but the best I could do was promise to be open to it. I never expected to have to actually follow through with that promise, but I will. I got to spend his last moments with him, and I will always be grateful for that. The last thing he said to me, besides that he loved me, was to make me promise to not give up and to keep on breathing, and I will. Even if I have to take it one breath at a time, I won't break that promise.

"So I think I am actually ok. Not great, not good, but ok. I don't wake up depressed anymore, and I will be open to the possibility that there may actually be another perfect man for me somewhere. Arthur would want me to be happy, and if I can do that for him, I will."

Kakashi had long ago finished his dinner, but she had yet to touch hers.

"Does that answer your question the way you wanted?"

"Very. I'm glad you're doing as well as you are. You're handling this better than I did by far."

"Well, I don't know if you've noticed, but I'm not exactly the most emotional woman ever born. And I do make use of the time you're gone. Arthur used to take off a lot to be by himself for one reason or another, so his personal time became my personal time. It's kind of nice that you do that, too. I think I need that because I'm used to getting it."

He let her zone out for a few minutes while he paid for their meal, asking the waitress to box up her untouched food.

"My question wasn't too personal, was it?"

"No. It would have been if you weren't you. I trust you, though. You understand more than most people."

Such a simple statement that said so many things. He had learned long ago that she spoke fluent 'guy', and tended to keep her words short but meaningful. He knew exactly what she was saying: you know how I feel, and even if I never say it, thank you for caring enough to actually take a chance and ask me the hard questions.

"So what about your personal question for me?"

Kristen looked around the restaurant and fingered her boxed dinner.

"I think I'd feel better if we wait until we got home. We have sake at home, right?"

He nodded and stood up, walking over to pull out her chair. She gave him a small smile before letting her free hand wrap around his upper arm, allowing him to escort her out of the restaurant and home. It was late enough that there weren't as many people about, which is why he assumed she felt comfortable enough holding onto his arm. He did not feel bold enough to hold onto the hand attached to him, so he enjoyed the sensation of her hand on his arm nonetheless. Their apartment came into view all too soon for his taste, and he led them inside. She settled down on the couch, stretching out over the length of it while he warmed them up some sake. Kakashi was too relaxed and happy with the trust she had shown in him at dinner to worry about what question she had for him. He lazed into the small living room and deposited the sake on the table, making her sit up for a moment to drink hers. As always, she kept her back to him so he could drink his without having to do it in a split second. They had become proficient at holding conversations while facing away from each other. Once she had indulged in a few cups of sake, enough to make her feel mellow and no more, she stretched back out on the couch, grabbing a pillow and dumping it on his lap before settling her head on the pillow. She turned onto her side so that she wasn't looking at him, figuring it would be easier on him when she asked her question.

"What made you keep wearing the mask? I don't mean what started you wearing it, but why did you never take it off again?" She could feel his legs tense through the pillow and was glad she had turned onto her side; he could see enough of her face to gauge her expression, but she couldn't really see his. Just as she had needed after his question, he was silent for a moment, honestly debating whether or not to answer her. In the end, he decided he wanted to trust her, his best friend, with something he had never told anyone else. Ever.

"I lost everyone that was important to me one right after another in a short period of time, and the mask helped me hide the fact that I was not ok. Then it became habit to hide, and I haven't really wanted to show anybody that much about me since. That and I can't give anything away to my enemies if all they have is one eye to go off of."

His answer may have been much more concise and a little more hesitant, but she knew that the subject was not one he had ever answered to any extent to anyone before, so she was more than content with what he felt comfortable sharing with her. His little green book came out, and while it saddened her to know that he was using it as a distraction, she knew it wasn't directed at her personally. Merely at bad memories. Flipping over so that she now faced his stomach, her eyes stayed open as her thoughts wandered at random for quite some time. Gradually her eyes grew heavy, and she fought to stay awake enough to ask her last question, to give him a little more time to get his bearings before asking what she wanted.

"Kakashi?" She couldn't possibly stay awake another minute, and her pillow was too damned comfy.

"Hn?"

"Can I get a mask too?" She couldn't quite keep the awe out of her voice at the possibility.

"Yes. Now go to sleep, vanilla."

"Ok. 'M not vanilla, 'm like double chocolate with fudge chunks," she mumbled almost incoherently, but he caught it anyway, chuckling. She grumbled at the vibration of her pillow, burrowing her face into his stomach, and he was supremely glad he was wearing a shirt. In case she drooled on him or something, because she was already asleep. He looked down at her profile and gave into the urge to let his fingers rake through her hair. It was blonde and bleached due to the amount of sun she had gotten when she cleaned boats. Thick and curly, she had managed to straighten it out until it was 'not quite straight'. Either way was good for him.

He mulled over the information that she had given him at dinner. It was the most personal and therefore honest thing she had ever told him, as he had asked her as a friend, not a kidnapper or interrogator, or even a report builder, but her friend who was worried about her. And he was jealous. What she had described, he wanted. Although, it didn't sound too far away from he now had, though he was missing the whole romance and sex thing, but they were working on their friendship and obviously had no problem living together.

'_Wait, just a best friend, remember? Seriously, did you forget what you are? Hatake, you're losing focus. Be her friend, fine, but train her in combat only. You don't want to turn out like some emotional, worthless piece of shit over a woman when you could go to the bar and get one right now.' _

But he vehemently did not want to get a woman he didn't know from the bar around the corner. Besides, it wasn't like he could bring her back home, now could he? What was he supposed to do, do her in an alley? He couldn't go home with a woman, because if he wasn't there, Kristen would have a nightmare and scream bloody murder.

'_Fuck, she's a grown woman and can take care of herself! She doesn't absolutely __**have**__ to have you to get a good night's sleep every single night. Go out, bust a nut or two, get rid of the frustration of living with a woman without getting any. Better yet, leave her on the couch and when you get done all you have to do is come home, take a shower, and take her to bed. Then you won't have to worry about her losing any of her precious sleep!'_

With a snarl to himself about acting like a complete bastard, he expertly extracted himself from under her head. He covered her with a blanket before disappearing.


	9. Moments of truth and a massage

Ch 9

Kristen knew she must have done something. For the first time since she had known him, he was grumpy. Ok, not grumpy, he was an absolute shit. He had woken up late, and the fact that she had already been up and out of bed before he woke set him in a wrong mood. The fact was that even though she was asleep, he was convinced she somehow knew he had been with a woman as she had refused to let him touch her all night, and it severely pissed him off. He had done nothing to feel guilty for, damnit! On top of that, he couldn't go through with it. He couldn't do it; he ended up spending a good hour pleasing some chick whose name he really couldn't care less about, and once she had been satisfied he had gotten the fuck out of there. Sure, the fact that it probably looked like he was into it solely for the woman would only help his reputation, but it did nothing for the fact that his balls were turning black.

With all of that in mind, his day had started out horrible. He had grouched at her all morning, upset that their routine was off, and knowing he was taking his bad mood out on her, but a small part of him couldn't help but want to; she was the cause for his black balls and he could probably think of why she was responsible for all of his problems if he had wanted to think about it enough. He didn't want to, but the fact that he knew he could was proof enough for him. Kristen learned very quickly not to ask him any questions, then not to talk to him at all. When she had been cleaning the breakfast dishes she had been so nervous that she had dropped a glass. While he had caught it, the glare that he had given her almost made her burst into tears. She hid it, though, and pulled up her trusty neutral mask, letting it seem as though all his looks and the black cloud that seemed to fill the entire apartment just bounced right off. As soon as the dishes were done, she took the chance to disappear. Using her skills to stay completely silent, she nicked one of his books and escaped to the deck off of the bedroom. The deck was only wide enough to stand out on, and maybe ten feet long. She burrowed into the corner opposite the door, and used Mr. Uki as cover. Making herself as small as possible, she tried to escape into his book.

He had been brooding for some time before two things occurred to him simultaneously: he had missed a day of going to the memorial for the first time in 7 years, and she had been gone for a long time. He listened carefully, but he couldn't hear her breathing anywhere in the apartment. A tiny part of his brain worried that something had happened to her, but he pushed that away with a snort. She was far from helpless. He checked every room systematically, growing more annoyed with each one that was empty, until he was out of rooms. Kakashi had a moment of pure vexation before he remembered the plant deck. He swung the sliding door to the deck open, hard, and watched her body become tense. He ignored the blatant fact that she had pinched one of his books, and even though he really didn't expect her to ask every single time, she always had, and it just irritated him even more.

"What are you doing out here, hiding from me?"

"No, I'm not hiding. I'm sorry if you couldn't find me. I just wanted some fresh air." There was a flat quality to her words, as though she was reading from a script, or they had been said so many times they had lost their meaning.

"Come on inside; it's time for lunch."

"I'm ok; I'm actually still full from breakfast. If you wanted to get out of the house for awhile, I can just stay right here and read your book; it's very good."

The words made complete sentences, and were perfectly normal to say, but they just sounded wrong coming from her, and it irritated him that she was being so distant and trying to further mess up their routine.

"It's time for lunch." It was a blatant order, one that she immediately obeyed. She pried herself out of the corner she was wedged in and followed him meekly back to the kitchen, sitting at the table while he made lunch. All through lunch she was polite, complimented him on how good it was, answered all of his questions, but he felt as though she was still hiding from him. There was also something about her smell that was off, something he had never smelled on her before, but the fact that he was so attentive to her that he knew when her smell was off only aggravated him, so he ignored it. After they were finished with the lunch dishes, he tried to continue having a conversation with her, but her answers were all mechanical, and the more irritated he got, the softer her voice got.

He finally broke. Too much stress, too many nagging thoughts, too much 'meek little housewife' shit from someone who was the exact opposite of that.

"Ok, what the fuck is wrong with you?! You've been quiet all day and I've had enough! What is your problem?"

Her eyes immediately were glued to his chin, and though they didn't move any lower, they never got past the tip of his nose, either.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you mad, that's why I was trying to stay out of your way. I won't let it happen again, I promise."

It was the tone of her voice, the barely concealed plea that made him stop and really see what he was doing. Kristen looked terrified, and suddenly her scent made sense. She was terrified, and he didn't recognize it because even when he had attacked her in her own home, she had not been this scared. He took a step forward, intending to tell her that he was sorry for being such an ass all day, but he stopped when she tried to suppress a flinch. Her eyes flew up to his, and she could tell that he had seen it, and not to sound cliché, but he knew that she knew that he had seen it. A clench of her jaw was the only sign she gave, though the smell of her fear seemed to suddenly be choking him. He sat down sideways in the corner of the sofa and reached out a hand. She took it without hesitation, but he could tell in her eyes that she wanted to do anything but get closer to him. Once he had her hand, he pulled her down onto his lap so that her back was to the couch, her face level with his neck. He held his arms loosely around her waist, clasping his hands over his wrists instead of physically touching her.

"Kristen, please calm down and listen to me." He kept his voice calm and even, letting his words come out in a steady rhythm, as though he were trying to hypnotize her.

"Kristen, I was in a bad mood when I got up this morning, and I've been taking it out on you all day. I'm sorry I didn't realize I was doing it, and I'm sorry you felt like you had to hide from me in your own home. I should not have yelled at you like that, and I hope I _never_ make you scared of me ever again. I'm so sorry, vanilla."

"So I didn't do anything wrong?"

"Of course not, vanilla. Would I be calling you by your nickname if I was mad at you?" He was pleased with the small smile she gave him and risked pulling her closer to him. She responded by wrapping her right arm around his back and hugging his neck with her left, burying her face in the side of his neck. He held her like she was a child, rocking her back and forth. She didn't cry, and he wouldn't have been surprised if she had, but he knew she needed the comfort.

"I'm sorry if I reminded you of Freddy. That's the last thing I would ever want." As he expected, her breath stopped at the mention of that name, but she chuckled soon after.

"I keep forgetting how much you know about me that I haven't told you. Do you know what Freddy used to do?"

"I know he used to beat the hell out of you, and that you were probably glad when your parents decided to move."

"Yeah, I never wanted them to find out that one date was enough to own me, apparently. But I got up enough courage to leave him on my own before we moved, and I gave him some nasty bruises as a going away present. Felt damn good, too. I think I kinda freaked out because I've never seen you mad like this before, and I didn't think I'd done anything wrong. Freddy used to get mad at me for nothing all the time. God, I'm so glad I wasn't with him very long." She shifted in his lap so that she wasn't holding onto him for dear life anymore, merely resting against him.

"Wanna tell me what crawled up your ass and died?"

Kakashi considered it for a second before shaking his head.

"Change of subject?"

"Sure, hon." As much as it had thrilled him the first time she had called him that, he could tell it was just the way she talked, a habit she had picked up somewhere as a kid.

"Who am I?"

She refrained from giving him the strange look that she was thinking in her head, and quickly tried to figure out all the ways his question could be intended. But as with all men, no matter how well a woman understood them, there would always be times when you simply weren't able to understand, and Kristen figured this was one of those times, so she answered the question as she had his last personal question.

"You're Kashi, and most people think of you as the Copy Nin, the man of a thousand Jutsu, blah blah blah. You are a good shinobi who's still trying to find that balance between being an important tool of your village and a man. You have a lot of baggage that you hide behind your books and mask. Though I must say that your choice of reading material is quite good. I would still like to meet Ero-Sennin one day, maybe get a book of my own. You don't talk a lot with most people, but you have intelligent opinions and a pretty awesome sense of humor. You're a decent cook, which I appreciate since I don't know what half of the stuff I'm eating is, and I'm too scared to ask. You would gladly die for any of your friends, and even though I think you'd do it for the wrong reasons, it still shows that you are an honorable man.

"Why, are you having an identity crisis? You're too young for that."

The eye roll at his age was habit.

"It's always interesting to see who you are through someone else."

"Never the way you see yourself, is it?"

"No." It came out more as a sigh than anything, and he grimaced under his mask an instant later, knowing she would pick up on it. She was just as perceptive as he was, chakra-gifted or not.

"As one who was always too chickenshit to ask that question herself, was I totally off or way too damn close to how you see yourself?"

"You got a couple parts right. The rest, not even close."

"You know, you're dancing around what's bothering you. Which means, you want to tell me, but you really don't want to tell me because you're worried about how I'm gonna take it. Is this worse than the thing about Arthur?"

"Probably, yes."

"Which you were afraid I would get upset about, but I didn't."

"True."

She sighed and got off the couch, grabbing a small pillow from the other side of the couch.

"Get up."

"What?"

Kristen took a breath in through her nose to give her a little more patience, as he seemed to singularly stubborn at the moment.

"Please, just humor me for a moment and get up?"

He gave the sigh of a martyr before standing up, looking at her as though she was crazy when she sat down on the floor with the couch at her back. She put the small pillow snugly against her crotch and spread her legs, pointing to the space right in front of the pillow.

"I do not do this for just anyone, actually I only did this for Arthur, so shut up, take off your shirt, and sit."

It was only the fact that he was curious about what she only did for _him_ that made him take off his shirt. The fact that there would be a pillow between them did not make him feel much better; it was a tiny pillow, and this somehow seemed much more intimate that holding her at night. Why, he didn't know, maybe because she was awake, or anything she did with her dead fiancée was inherently intimate in his mind. Needless to say, when he sat down and felt her hands on his shoulders, some of her fingers touching the ends of his mask, he couldn't help but tense.

"Don't worry, I was actually professionally trained for this, and I never once got a complaint, so enjoy the expensive skills."

At first she merely ghosted her fingers over his entire back with just enough pressure to keep him from shivering, familiarizing herself with his muscles. A few minutes of simple, soft touch was enough to make him relax involuntarily, and then she began to work.

"Let me know if I hit a really sore spot, or if I'm going too hard. And try to stay awake."

Two seconds after she began massaging his back, her fingers mapping out his muscles and checking every one for knots , he understood why she told him to stay awake. Her touch was amazing, it almost felt like healing chakra, and the analytical part of his mind that never stopped made a note to test that theory later. He barely heard it over the groans that were coming out of his mouth, however. Every time she found a muscle that was a little too tight, she eased in and coaxed it loose. Her fingers felt… electric, for lack of a better word. It sent shivers down his spine, and she wasn't even near his spine.

All the thoughts, the worries about her and her place in his life, none of those mattered when he felt so good. It felt like his entire back was warm and humming. He was lost in-between wakefulness and sleeping, feeling like he was in a light doze, but exquisitely aware of every place her fingers touched his skin; he never knew his skin was so responsive to touch. Kristen had made her way down to his lower back, and he realized the reason for the pillow; she needed a few inches of space between them so she could reach his muscles with enough leverage. Her thumbs were softly kneading his spine just above the waist of his pants, and though any other time he would have made a smart remark, he could actually feel the fact that she was completely absorbed in her work. There were no sexual or intimate vibes from her, she was too busy following the paths of his muscles. When her thumbs ran over the edge of his hip bones, what little she could reach that wasn't covered by his pants, he shivered.

Her hands began running up and down the entire length of his back again, her touch firm but unhurried. Knowing she was almost done, he tried to burn the feeling of her hands on his body into his memory, knowing it was as close as he would probably ever get. When her hands drifted away and didn't come back, he took a deep breath and looked at her over his shoulder.

"You could make a fortune doing that, van."

"Trust me, every single person I have ever done that for has told me that, except three or four maybe. I got the magic touch for some reason. Did it help with the stress a little?"

"Hm." He was still too relaxed, felt too boneless to have the energy for a proper response. Later he would tell himself he did it because he was still half-asleep, but he leaned his body back until he was resting against her. Kakashi was already sleeping when she called his name and tried to squirm out from underneath him. Eventually, unable to move someone so much bigger than her without sufficient leverage, she settled for yanking the pillow out from between them and scooting her hips closer to him, trying to sit so her ass wouldn't fall to sleep. Putting the pillow on the couch cushions and leaning her head back against it, she closed her eyes and propped her arms up on the couch, stretching them out.

He woke up when the last of the sunset's rays were filtering in through the windows, wincing when he felt the pins and needles sensation in his ass. Feeling cold air on his skin, he opened his eyes and almost had a nosebleed. He could feel the warmth of her breasts pressed up against his back, hell, he could feel the heat of her body from his neck where it hit her collarbone all the way down to his lower back, which was snuggled securely between her inner thighs. Her arms were draped over his shoulders, crisscrossing over his chest; her hands hung so close to his stomach that her fingers touched his skin when he took a breath in. Her legs were bent at the knee, which was probably why he was able to be so close he swore his low back had blisters. What surprised him was that his hands were resting on her knees as though he were in the habit of doing so. Every one of his instincts was screaming at him to get away, that she was too close whether she was doing it on purpose or not, that he was making a big mistake by letting her get so close to him, but he just wanted to enjoy it for one minute more before getting up. One minute became five, and untold five minute increments later, he reluctantly unwound her arms from his chest because he couldn't handle the lack of circulation to his ass any longer. Seeing that it was well after sunset, he crouched and picked her up, carrying her into the bedroom. She seemed to wake up once he had pulled the covers aside, because as soon as he put her down on the bed she sat up.

"Hey, Kristen, go back to sleep."

She pulled off her shirt and fell back into bed, kicking her pants off so that she was only in underwear.

"'S hot." It became obvious she was still more asleep than not when she didn't quite manage to get the covers pulled up to her waist. Gulping at seeing so much of her skin so close up, he quickly retreated around to his side of the bed and got in, wisely choosing to find a shirt to pull over his head. He wanted to sleep on top of the covers, find a blanket to keep him warm, but he was afraid that if she woke up first in the morning, it would be awkward. She wasn't dumb enough to not realize he was on top of the covers because she was practically naked, but if he got under the covers and she woke up to him holding her when she was practically naked… he couldn't win. With her or himself. Hissing several choice profanities in the general direction of her discarded clothes at the end of the bed, he tossed off his shirt and flung himself under the covers, hoping for a nightmare-free night. Even with the heat of her body so close to his, the picture of her in only underwear, and the realization that his shower curtain had hidden a surprising amount of detail from him, he still fell to sleep quickly.


	10. Abandoned and good riddance

Ch 10

He almost felt ridiculous. He had woken up before her, as usual, and had begun their daily routine, though he was filled with apprehension. She had gotten up at her normal time, noticed that she was only in underwear, shrugged, and passed by him to the bathroom without a word. Kakashi would admit to being a little tentative around her during breakfast, but she had been completely normal, asking about their training for the day, what they were going to work on, normal questions she had asked him many times. If she thought he was acting unusually, she didn't show it. After a simple question of how he felt, if what she had done had helped at all, she dropped the matter entirely. He didn't know whether to feel relieved or insulted that everything they had done yesterday, things that struck him as frighteningly personal, were apparently not a big deal to her. Maybe it was another clue that he was alone in his feelings, which he didn't even want in the first place. Knowing how much of a sexual creature she was by nature, the fact that she could sleep in bed with him practically naked, give him the best massage he had ever gotten, and fall asleep holding him without any of it appearing to phase her merely meant that she did not see him as anything other than a close friend. So the problem was his alone.

First part of the problem to take care of: sleeping arrangements. He was a man, and no matter how gifted a shinobi he was, there are some functions of biology that cannot be controlled. Especially when he was sleeping. He had been extremely lucky so far that she never failed to get up at the same time every day, and that he always rose earlier, because every morning he woke up poking her with something that had no business being near her. Every time he tried to imagine what would happen if she woke up sometime during the night feeling that… he couldn't even make himself consider the possibilities. So, even though he had no idea how he would pull it off, he needed to have two beds somehow fit, or a better couch that he could actually sleep on, because it was just a matter of time before she found out the explicit way that he woke up hard every single morning. And not even Ibiki could torture out of him the reasons why that happened.

Second problem: he needed to get laid. Badly. The only problem was, the last time he had sought out a woman had been the first time in his life that he had been cock-blocked by himself, and he was scared it wasn't a one-time thing. That left self-service, something that should only be done in the privacy of your own home, or far away in a bush when out on a mission. He couldn't take care of it at home, because she was always there, and she wasn't able to leave on her own yet. Sure, hopefully soon he could pass her off with Team 7 every once in a while, but that wasn't going to happen anytime soon. His balls weren't going to make it that long.

Third problem: why in the hell was he so talkative around her? The only complete sentences he spoke to anyone besides her were with his team, and those were almost always tips and advice on combat or being shinobi. But he always found himself drawn into the kinds of conversation he imagined normal people having with her, and Kami damn him if he didn't always end up telling her some little thing about himself when he shared with no one. He knew damn well Kristen wasn't trying to get him to open up, he was doing it all on his own, and it was dangerous. He needed to go back to the guy he was on the boat, the one who talked with her as much as he did with everyone else. Kakashi wasn't stupid enough to imagine it wouldn't hurt her feelings, but she would get over it. She had said herself she wasn't an overly emotional chick, she would eventually see the wisdom in not getting too close with anyone, and he would feel safer.

Having decided that, and that he wouldn't be asking her to stay with him once their training and his mission with her were done, he felt… resigned. Glad something had been decided, but knowing it would be difficult to actually make himself do it. He had decided he would go cold turkey; it would just take too much time he didn't have to wean her off in the hopes she wouldn't notice what he was doing. He knew very well she would figure out what he was doing sooner or later, and she would have to live with the fact that she would never know why. So there was no point in procrastinating when it would be much easier for him to fix the problem now. He needed to do this, and that was what would keep his resolve. He _needed_ to be a good shinobi. It was his purpose.

--------------

_Four months later_

She was glad she was her and not any other woman. Any other woman would have broken by now, especially with her suspicions that she had been set up by Kakashi. She had met his team, and had instantly hit it off with Naruto. There was just no way you could not love the guy, once you got over his astounding level of energy. Sakura and Sasuke she could do without; they were too much the perfect couple, and a little snobbish to her taste. They liked to lord it over Naruto, and every time Sakura hit him she had to refrain from saying something. It was putting her on a slow burn, and she knew herself well enough to know that one day she would confront Sakura about it. Kristen would not be able to call herself Naruto's friend and let that woman continue to hit him for simply being himself. But that was not her real problem. Her problem was Kakashi.

It all added up too neatly. And by nature she was suspicious of things that did. Right around the time that she had met his team and started spending a lot of time with Naruto, whether in training or just hanging out with him, Kakashi… reverted. He became the man she had known before she came to Konoha, and their conversations became nonexistent. He began to sleep on the couch, at first with lame excuses, then with no excuses when she stopped asking. They had gone on several missions with just the two of them, and she of course had performed perfectly. She _had_ been training for almost a year. It was a matter of weeks before she was going on missions with Team 7, and they managed to work well, as the perfect couple always paired up together when it was necessary to do so, and she provided the buffer between them and Naruto.

The thing that tipped her off, the thing that she couldn't ignore, was that she had made a completely off-handed and joking comment about him being relieved to have his apartment back so he could have a sex life once again. He, as was the new usual, had merely grunted and gone back to his book.

The next day she had been called into the Hokage's office and informed that since Kakashi believed she would pass the ANBU exam without any problem, she was being given a place of her own to stay, incidentally in the same building as Naruto. Naruto, of course, was thrilled, and spent an entire day with her shopping for her new apartment. Kakashi had not even been there when she had left his apartment with her two bags of belongings.

She knew she had been dumped, that any idea she had that they had actually been friends was false, but it still hurt. It felt too close to lying. Kakashi was by no means the first to do that to her, but it always hurt just as badly. Still, because she was who she was, she fell back on her tried and true method of coping: ignorance. She ignored the pain, the loneliness of being rejected, of being so wrong about someone she thought she knew at least a little. She ignored the shame of wasting so much time and energy on someone who didn't care, someone who didn't deserve to know as much about her as he did.

But when it was late at night, and Naruto had said the goodnight he had gotten in the habit of saying daily, she would think about the fact that they were on polite terms only, that he hadn't called her 'vanilla' in months, that she had reverted so much in self-preservation to calling him Hatake-san, and she wanted to cry. She didn't, because that was not who she was, but she could feel the pain in her chest that came right before tears, and she would squash it every time. It was merely another reminder that she was alone, because if she had been so wrong about him, it left doubt as to Naruto. She knew it was not in Naruto's nature to ever abandon anyone, but she had thought Hatake was honorable, and he had proved her wrong.

It mattered not. She wasn't in Konoha to make friends. She was there to serve the village as long as she lived. However long that ended up being.

-------------

"Kristen-chan?"

She looked up from her ramen, shocked. They had been competing to see who could finish a bowl of ramen faster, as they both knew she could never keep up with the amount he could eat, so speed was a frequent competition they had going. She didn't even mind the indigestion it always gave her afterwards.

"Yeah?"

"What happened with you and Kakashi-sensei?"

She ignored the pain at hearing his name, as she didn't allow herself to even think of him as Kakashi, only Hatake, and carefully put down her chopsticks.

"What are you talking about, Naruto?"

"I may not be a genius like everyone else, but I know people. Something happened with the two of you. Before we met you Sensei was actually having conversations with us that didn't have to do with being a shinobi, actually going places with us, having fun every once in a while. Then when we met you and I started hanging out with you, Kakashi-sensei goes back to being all lazy and talks to us even less than before."

He looked at her with his bright blue eyes, and she could see guilt waiting to come out.

"I've seen him look at you when you weren't watching, and how you try to avoid him as much as possible. Kristen, I swear to Kami that every time you call him 'Hatake-san' he flinches like you stepped on his toe or something. I… I just want to know if hanging out with me has made him mad, or if it made problems with you two. I didn't mean to be around so much, but you live right down the hall, and I don't have to come by and say good night-"

"Naruto, you're worrying about something that has absolutely nothing to do with you," she cut him off before he got too worked up over something that wasn't his fault. "I don't know why Hatake-san is acting like this, because it's like he woke up one day and decided he wanted me gone. So I'm trying to make it easier on him by staying out of his way. I seriously doubt it bothers him when I call him by his name, and I'm sure there's nothing to the fact that he looks my way every once in a while."

"Yes, but Sakura seems to think Kakashi likes you and doesn't know what to do about it. Or maybe he thinks I'm interested in you, but I'm not! I think you're a great friend, but you're more like an older sister, it'd be creepy to think about you like that."

"Naruto, please don't get offended, because I'm not trying to." She took a deep breath, hoping this would come out right or she would probably seriously hurt his feelings, "honestly, I trust my own, ten-year-older judgment over someone who follows a rather cold-hearted teme like she was a kicked puppy who keeps going back for more. Don't get me wrong, I think they're perfect for each other, but I think her views on romance are only true where it applies to her, and not necessarily any other person on the face of the planet. Hell, now that Hatake-san is being such a bastard to me, she probably thinks I should go chasing after him or some nonsense."

The blush on his face was all the answer she needed. She pushed her bowl of cold and forgotten ramen to the side and reached for his hand, taking it in both of hers.

"I'm going to be honest with you, Naruto, because you're right in that you see more than people give you credit for. I thought Hatake-san wanted to be my friend, I thought he was my friend, but he has done everything he can to prove that I was just a fuckin' mission, nothing more. So, as much as it hurts sometimes, I would rather chew off my own arm than let him know that anything is wrong. The only person that deserves to know what I'm thinking or feeling is you, because you are the only friend I have had since coming here." She gave him a calm smile to show that she was ok, that she wasn't sad, as he seemed to pick up on her sadness so quickly.

"Besides, you are honestly all the friends I need, especially since you are my neighbor. Hatake-san and I're professional enough not to let anything get in the way of being efficient shinobi, so you shouldn't worry about it; as long as I have you I'll be just fine. Now, my ramen is cold and we're being way too serious, so I think we should go check out what shows they have playing. Maybe we can get something to eat on the way?"

She couldn't help but smile at how quickly he was able to forget the serious topic he had brought up in lieu of getting food. She followed his head of sun-colored hair, wishing that every smile for the last few months hadn't been fake. She was grateful Naruto had no idea he had never actually seen one of her real smiles, because the last thing she needed was another reason to feel badly about herself. Hatake-san had given her quite enough on his own.

"Hey, Naruto! What happened to escorting a lady?!" She laughed as he quickly pivoted on one foot and dashed back to grab her hand, dragging her after him through the crowds.

"Sorry, Kristen-chan! Let's go get some dango!"

She felt light-hearted chasing after him as though she were his age again, so grateful to him for giving her a few minutes where life actually felt good.


	11. Drama queenish declarations of love

Ch 11

It was the day of her test. He knew because Naruto had become his only source of information about her. And even though Naruto had looked his former sensei in the eyes and said that if what Kristen-chan thought was true, that he had never wanted to be her friend, then maybe it would be for the best if Kristen took his place in their ANBU team, Naruto still would answer his questions.

It explained so much. He had been so fixated on what his change in behavior would do for him, how it would make things easier for him, that he had failed to fully analyze what the consequences would be for her. How it would change her behavior. And, Kami, did it ever. The first time she had talked to him once he had notified the Hokage that she was ready to live on her own, the day after she had moved out and he had hid on the roof all day, the first time she had called him 'Hatake-san' with careful politeness, he knew he had made a mistake. He had wanted so much to go back to being casual friends with her, put her back into the safe category that all his friends were in, that he forgot who she was. Kristen never did things half way, she preferred it when it was all or nothing, and how else could she think he wanted it than nothing? He had avoided her for days, barely giving her enough of a response to anything to be considered polite, and then all of a sudden she's practically kicked out the door.

He winced when he remembered the playful comment she had made about him being happy to have a sex life again, and how he had ruthlessly taken it as an excuse to claim she was ready to move out. There was no way she could not remember her joke, and the only thing she would assume after being given a place to live is that he did miss his sex life. And if what Naruto had told him was true, that she thought he had basically played her, that she was never nothing more than a mission, then he had very little hope of ever gaining her friendship back.

It was sad, really. He missed her, the apartment seemed too big and empty, and the only way to get any part of her back was to ask Naruto, who knew exactly what was going on by then. It was sad when his ex-student, who was fourteen years younger than him, could talk to him about Kristen for five minutes and know exactly what Kakashi had done and why. Naruto had even gone so far as to call him a baka to his face, and admitted that he didn't know if Kakashi had any reason to hope Kristen would ever believe a word he said ever again. True to his big heart, Naruto offered to 'work on her', but he declined.

For better or worse, he had gotten what he wanted - perhaps a little too much.

He was still worried about her. The test was usually two or three days, and no one would know anything until she either showed up on her own two feet or in the hospital. Naruto was also a wreck, and while they both agreed that she would without fail pass the test, they both knew from experience how traumatic it could be.

Sakura had kicked them out at the end of the second day, telling them that if she turned up in the hospital, she would drop what she was doing and let them know. While they weren't the best of friends, Kristen was her teammate, and she knew how her boys felt. True to fashion, Naruto had decided to visit the ramen stand, and Kakashi had left for the memorial. He needed to wait in peace, and that was the only place he could get it now that his home no longer felt like home.

-------------

"Naruto, wake up."

"Naruto… Naruto!"

Naruto sat up with a start, so quickly that his forehead collided with her chin. She staggered back with a hiss, rubbing her now sore face.

"I'm sorry, Kristen, I fell asleep! Are you ok?"

She eased herself down onto the couch next to him, obviously pampering her body.

"Yeah, I'll be ok. I just need a good day or so to sleep this off. I wanted to let you know I was ok and that I'm in."

"Of course you're in! I knew you could do it, Kristen-chan. Did you tell Kakashi?"

"No, why would I?" she asked, looking very confused.

"Oh, that's right, you don't know. Kakashi-sensei and I spent the last two days waiting for you in the hospital, and then Sakura-chan kicked us out. She said she'd let us know when you got there," he pouted.

"Well, she can't let you know I'm in the hospital if I never went, now could she?" she chuckled, ruffling his hair affectionately.

"True, but you should still let Kakashi-sensei know you're ok. I know you don't believe it, but he was more worried about you than I was."

She opened her mouth to deny it or say something to get out of it, but he gave her that stubborn look he rarely used on her, the one that said he wouldn't give in for anything. Too tired to waste time when she would most likely lose in the end, she sighed. All she wanted was to take a shower and sleep, not have an intense non-confrontation with Hatake.

"Fine, but only because I love you, Naruto. Where is he?"

He pinched his face up and scratched his chin absently.

"Maa, he's probably at the memorial, like always. Do you want me to go with you?"

"No, I won't be long. I'll let him know I'm ok, then I'm going to bed; I'm so tired. Can you wake me up early tomorrow morning?"

"Sure! We can train together. It'll be fun!"

She squeezed his shoulder and gave him a small smile.

"It always is with you, hon. I'll see you tomorrow."

-------------

She tried not to drag her feet, but she was dreading it.

_Keep it simple. Get in, say I'm ok, get out._

She came upon the memorial and realized he was sitting against it, his single eye closed. When he still hadn't opened it even though she was only a few feet away from him, she realized he was asleep. It was early, just before sunrise, and she knew he woke up with the sun. Which meant he had fallen asleep at the memorial. Reminding herself that his sleeping habits were none of her business, she cleared her throat loudly.

"Hatake-san, wake up."

He woke up with a jerk, his eye instantly following her body to see who she was. Before she had a chance to react, he was on his feet, her shoulders squeezed tightly in his large hands.

"You made it. Are you ok? Are you hurt? Do you need a medic?"

Confusion was all she felt for a second, and then she reminded herself that he was merely showing concern for a teammate. She was not hearing desperate relief in his voice. Because he didn't care about her, remember? He sounded funny because he had just woken up, that's why his voice was different.

"Hatake-san, I'm fine. I'll be able to train with the team tomorrow-"

All speech left her when he pulled her into his arms and hugged her as though she had come back from the dead. She wanted to push him away, but she was once again too exhausted to fight it.

"I don't care about that. I'm just glad you're ok. I knew they'd be tougher on you because you weren't born here and you're much older than most kunoichi who take the exam. You are ok, right?"

"I'm fine Hatake-san. Just tired." _And confused as hell._

He let go of her abruptly and ran a hand through his messy hair, suddenly angry. She turned to leave, not wanting to know what she had done to piss him off, but he grabbed her arm and swung her back around. Her feet caught on each other, and she would have fallen if he hadn't snagged his other arm around her waist and yanked her against him.

"Stop calling me that!"

She mentally apologized, but she hadn't eaten in over a day, she was tired, sore, had absolutely no chakra left, and did not have the ability to keep her temper in check. So she exploded.

"Get your hands off me!" She pushed herself off of his chest with what little, pitiful strength she had left. Of course, he chose to ignore her weak struggles, and kept her pinned against him.

"What the hell is your problem?! You were the one who dropped me and couldn't wait to get rid of me, so where the hell is all this concern for me coming from?! You sure as hell didn't want to give me the time of day for the last few months, don't go all Mother Teresa on me now!"

He ignored the reference he didn't understand and refused to give up on his anger.

"Yeah, well, things aren't always the way they seem. How would you know when you're connected at the hip with Naruto all the time!?"

Her eyes bugged out just before she wrenched herself out of his arms, her anger giving her enough strength to accomplish her need to get his hands off her.

"You mother fucker! So it's not enough that you leave me in the dirt and apparently never gave a shit about me in the first place, but now it's Naruto's fault? How fucking dare you hold it against me that just because you didn't want to have anything to do with me, but now I'm not allowed to be friends with someone _who you introduced me to?!!_ That's why you did it, isn't it? Your mission was done, what better way to get rid of her than to dump her onto your teammates, let them take care of her. Did you honestly think I wouldn't know what you were doing? Well, you can't do that and then hold it against Naruto if he actually cares about me! It's more than you've ever done, apparently!!"

"That's not… I never meant to… You don't under – Argh!!" He lunged for her, grabbing her head and smashing his lips against hers. She froze, expecting him to take his anger out on her mouth, but he wasn't. He was actually shaking and kissing her with a desperation that she had never felt before. She never believed in all that crap she read in his Icha Icha books about being able to sense feelings in a kiss, as she hadn't been kissed by Arthur and been able to feel anything other than love. Maybe passion and lust, but they were all kind of the same general feeling. No, this kiss was different. She could feel how close he was to breaking, but she didn't know why. She still hadn't responded to his kiss, and she could feel the… hurt he felt because of it. That was the only way she could describe it, raw hurt. She opened her lips only slightly, kissing him back timidly. Kristen knew the second he realized she was responding to him; his kiss gentled, and though it was still insistent, he seemed content to go at her pace. His painful grip on her hair eased, one arm drifting down to pull her tighter to his chest, his body relaxing and finally stopped shaking.

She would not lie to herself and say that it wasn't pleasant, because he obviously was a very skilled man when it came to kissing, but she wanted to know what the fuck was going on. She slowly brought the kiss to a stop, and though he tried to fight her, he had apparently recovered his senses enough to think straight and realize she wanted to stop. She looked up at him, and she made a conscious effort to keep her face open, as she was keeping her mind open as well.

"Kakashi, please tell me what's going on?"

She was again assaulted when he crushed her face into his covered neck, his hand still cradling her head.

"You have no idea how much I've missed you calling me that."

"Ok, I can see that, and please don't think that I don't want to talk to you, but why the hell are you talking to me now? I thought I was just a mission to you?" she stated, her voiced muffled by his clothed neck.

"No, you were never a mission to me. I just didn't know how to…" He breathed heavily through his nose, obviously frustrated at his inability to get his words out right, or at all. She pulled back to look him in the face and her intuition told her exactly what was going on. There were too many emotions radiating off of him for her to be wrong. She cradled his face in her hands and pulled his face down so that their foreheads were touching, her eyes closed.

"Babe, you know I don't judge you for anything, and it doesn't sound like you wanted to stop being my friend. So why don't you tell me what you're scared of, because it's not me. You're acting like it's me, but it's not. Or am I wrong?"

"No, you're not wrong," he mumbled before yanking his mask down. She had no idea, her eyes still closed in an attempt to make it easier for him to talk.

"Everyone I loved when I was younger has died, that's why I protect my team and care about them, but I don't love them. I don't want anything to happen to you." It was as close as he could make himself go to saying the actual words 'I think I more than care about you', 'I think I love you'.

She understood all the same.

She opened her eyes to speak, saw his mask was down, and promptly shut them.

"Open your eyes, vanilla." She couldn't help but open her eyes when he used his special name for her, but she kept her eyes glued on his, wanting to make a point.

"Kashi, I understand why this would scare the shit out of you, but there's a reason I passed without having to go to the hospital. I'm a big girl. Sometimes you gotta take a chance instead of having a regret hanging over your head the rest of your life. I'm going to assume you're wanting to take that chance, or you wouldn't have just mauled Ms. Double Chocolate with Fudge Chunks here." She smiled at his snort. She reached out and found the end of his mask, pulling it up and back over his face deliberately. His single eyes was glued to hers, and she could still see what she thought was fear.

"Hon, you're a great man, and you've treated me the way I should be. I'm sure we both know that you're going to make a lot of stupid mistakes, and I'll probably be applying for sainthood every once in a while, but you smell good to me."

Kakashi let a huge grin spread out underneath his mask, knowing exactly what she was saying. He leaned down to grab another kiss from her, but she leaned away. Confused, he looked at her curiously.

"I, as a general rule, do not condone this at all, but I think this one time you've got it coming to ya, babe."

Not only did her fist catch him totally by surprise, but he knew for a fact she was at her limits physically, so she should not have been able to knock him out with a single punch, and yet it had enough force to tear him away from her and send him twisting to the side. She watched his head connect with the sharp angles of the memorial and bounce off, wincing as his body fell limply to the stone base below.

"Aw, fuck!" She rushed to his side and cradled his head, swearing loudly when her hand came back wet.

"Goddamnit! Mother fucking son of a horse's ass!" Taking a few deep breaths, she frowned and pulled the last of her chakra to her hand, instantly sweating as she tried to minimize the damage she had done with her one thoughtless act. Seconds dragged by as she fought to stretch her chakra as far as she could, feeling the bones of his skull knit back together and the swelling inside his skull dissipate. Satisfied that he would be ok until she could get him to Sakura, she heaved him into her arms and got about three steps before she collapsed, his body sprawled uncomfortably over her.


	12. Lemony goodness at last!

Disclaimer: They aren't mine, we all they don't belong to us, because if they could, it would be the catfight from Hell. I lay odds 3 to 1 on myself.

Please review, it's good karma, and you can never have too much good karma. Just like chocolate.

Ch 12 – **Gotta earn my rating, so here's your lemon**. Enjoy!

She opened her eyes and stared into deep blue ones.

"Naruto?"

The eyes instantly disappeared and were replaced by Kakashi's face, who was kind enough not to get quite so close.

"Hey, how are you feeling? You've been out for three days. Apparently it takes a lot out of you when you punch me in the face." He winked at her and she giggled, looking around. She was pleasantly surprised to see she was at home, and if she looked through her bedroom door to her living room/kitchen, it was apparent the two men had been there for a while. She sighed, seeing how much of a mess Naruto had made. Kakashi followed her gaze and chuckled.

"Don't worry, he'll clean it up. He just didn't want to leave until he knew you were ok. He got worried when you never went back to talk to him, so he showed up at the memorial and found us. He took us here, because the hospital's on the other side of the village, and got Sakura. I'm fine, by the way."

She sat up slowly and pulled him into her lap, wrapping her arms around him.

"I know; I healed you. There shouldn't have been much for Sakura to do, I just didn't have enough energy to finish it. I'm sorry for hitting you, but you put me through hell for months, and you honestly deserved it. I won't do it again; it's not my style."

"I know, I figured. I am sorry for what I did."

"I know you are, and I know it won't be the last time you do something stupid. We'll talk about the mushy shit once Naruto's gone. He was a little freaked out, huh?"

"Well, you did almost drain all of your chakra, so I'm going to assume it was for a good reason? But yes, Naruto could use a little reassurance right now." He gave an exasperated sigh, one that told her that even his mighty patience had been stressed.

"Apparently the first three hundred times I told him you would be alright weren't enough." The eyebrow over his exposed eye arched in a sardonic look.

"I even got the 'hurt her and you will die slowly and painfully' speech. If I didn't know better, I'd think I had competition." It came off as a joke, but he seemed the type to use such a tactic to feel out a situation he was uncertain of. Or the type to pretend it was a joke when he was actually serious.

"Naruto is my little brother, or my new little brother; Lord knows I never really got along with my real one very well. So he's kinda the family that comes along with the package, but you've known him for years, so that shouldn't be a problem, right?" She chuckled at his eye roll, not entirely certain if it was because she had adopted him, or because she had adopted him of all people.

Naruto walked into the bedroom and rolled his eyes at the sight of them wrapped around each other.

"I swear to Kami that if I ever hear you guys having sex from four doors down I will find myself new, single friends. It's bad enough watching Sakura-chan try to swallow teme's face all the time, I can't handle it if I have to hear my sister and my old sensei have sex through three apartments. You aren't a screamer, are you, Kristen?"

Her blush was enough of an answer, and Naruto simply threw his hands up in the air and turned around, announcing he was leaving before the 'sexcapades' began. Kakashi snickered at the both of them, but waited until he heard the door close before looking up at her.

"A screamer, huh?"

"Yeah. I really don't know how to be quiet unless I really have to be, and then I don't make a sound. But I hate doing that, because I have to concentrate on being so quiet that it's not as fun. Any more questions about what I'm like in the sack?"

"As much as I'd like to, I'd rather find out for myself. We have other things to talk about right now, anyway."

"Oh, yeah. Mushy relationship-crap type stuff, huh?"

"That's the one."

There was a long silence afterwards, awkward on his part, amused on hers. Kristen let it go for a while before deciding to bail him out.

"Look, hon, you're making too much out of this. I don't know if you've ever been with someone before, but I gotta tell ya: having me as your girlfriend really isn't going to be any different than having me as your roommate. You still get to leave when you want without having to tell me where you're going and when you'll be back, I'll still pick up your wet towels from the bathroom, you'll still do most of the cooking. I only have a few rules, and only half of them are actually for you."

"Oh, there are rules now?" his amusement plain in his voice.

"Yes. Rule 1: no games. I tell you something, that's what I mean, nothing more, no hidden girly messages, no 'if you don't know what's wrong then I won't tell you because you should already know' shit." She ignored his snicker. "If I'm having a shitty day and I'm all pissed, I'll let you know if it's you or not, and I'll talk about it when I'm ready. But I will tell you if you haven't done anything, because I don't want you worrying for an hour trying to figure out what you did wrong when you didn't do a damn thing. I don't play girl games, don't have the mind for it, they give me a headache anyway." She took a deep breath, grumbling about how ovaries were vastly underrated and smacking his arm when he laughed. "Rule 2: we get time alone. You need time alone, I need time alone, let the other know and I'll see you when you get back. Rule 3: if you're telling me something you're going to do and I really don't agree with your decision, I will tell you I don't. I will also tell you why, and if I have an alternative I will give it to you. Here's the important part of number 3, and listen closely, because this isn't like number 1 and mostly for me. This's for both of us. If you still decide to make a choice I don't agree with, as long as you hear me out and consider my alternative, give my reasons a fair chance, then even if you go with your choice, I still back you up. Whether or not your decision turns out to be the right one, wrong one, or just another decision, there is no 'I told you so', and I will support you no matter what. Can you do that?"

"I suppose. Is now a good time to mention that I've never done this before, and isn't this relationship talk stuff supposed to be more touchy-feely with flowers and hearts and rainbows?"

She slid out from behind him and scooted down so that they were facing each other, their heads propped up on their hands.

"I'll tell ya right now, Kakashi, I'm not the average chick, so this will not be normal. You know me; I'm not emotional and irrational. I look at things logically and fairly, so why would I treat a guy any differently?" She looked at him, let her chakra flare out gently to try and feel him out. He allowed her to, and though he showed nothing on the outside, she could feel he was nervous. With a sigh she flopped on her back and inched over until her side met the length of his body, looking up at the ceiling.

"Can I tell you a story?" She waited for his grunt before continuing. "I honestly didn't want to get married. Arthur had been married twice before, and with both wives, they changed after they had their ring on their finger. Like being a married woman gave them more power, or it was their license to do whatever the hell they wanted. So he was quite understandably nervous about ever getting married, regardless of how cool I was."

His mask hid it, but she knew he was smirking.

"Ass. Anyway, I always told him that I didn't need a piece of paper; I woke up next to him every day because I wanted to and not because I had a contract with the government. But both our parents were religious, and it made sense for financial reasons, so when he proposed, I made him a promise. I'd made it before, and I'd been keeping it for years. When we first moved in together, I promised him it wouldn't be the end of his life, and I wasn't going to be some witch because we had the same mailing address. And I promised him that when we got married, it would be just like any other day, that having a piece of paper wasn't going to change the way I'd been living and treating him for the last eight years. That would have made me a liar, and I never lied to him about anything.

"Here's the point, hon. You and I, being together, isn't really going to change all that much from when we were living together. Except we'll get laid, and I might occasionally hold onto your arm in public." She couldn't hold in the smile, but kept it to a small one until she saw the eye roll that was no less sarcastic for being done with only one eye. She waited until he looked back down on her, letting him see by her expression that was now completely serious.

"I'm not going to demand I see your face, because you'll show me when you're ready. I'm an affectionate person, but I don't expect you to be in public if you aren't. Even in private, it's going to take a while before we get used to it, and that's ok. There's no rush, Kakashi. I don't have a five year plan like most women do, and marriage is certainly nowhere in my sight. I encourage guys' night out, I think it's great and very necessary to have testosterone fests. You need to be ok with the fact that I get along with guys better than girls, and even though most of my friends will probably be guys, there is a huge wall with a moat around it that separates how I treat my friends and how I treat my lover. I am not capable of cheating on you; if I'm that unhappy, I'll leave you and tell you exactly why I'm leaving. I don't cheat, physically or emotionally, and I expect the same. I know you have quite the reputation around the village, and if you don't want to or can't keep it to one woman, tell me now, no harm done."

It took him a few seconds to realize that was a question instead of a rhetorical statement, and he was quick to answer.

"I won't do that to you, I can't either, apparently." The droll tone of his voice made her look up at him funny, but he seemed in no way inclined to explain that statement further, so she dropped it.

"Kakashi, it's simple. We keep things going as the way they are and see where they go. If I have a problem, I'll tell you and we'll figure it out. I won't yell, I promise to listen to what you're saying, and we'll just talk it through. Same goes for you. It's not always that simple, but for the most part, with me? It is. Not at all scary, huh?"

"Not the way you make it sound, no."

Kristen closed her eyes, content to soak up his warmth, listen to the sound of his breathing.

"Kakashi?"

"Hn?"

"Do you like semantics?"

"Hn?"

"Do you like arguing for the sake of arguing, ya know, like debating stuff?"

"Not especially, no."

"Hm. Too bad for you, because I'm a master-debater."

"…..

"That's it, I'm breaking up with you."

"Oh yeah? Your loss."

The squeal she made when he tackled her was heard in Naruto's apartment, who groaned and stomped out through the front door, muttering about pervert sisters and hentai sensei.

The six-month anniversary had surprisingly been his idea. Besides being an excuse for public sex, though he really never needed an excuse for sex when it came to her, he wanted to do something special… because. He knew he had it easy; she had been true to her word about the lack of pressure of them. While it hadn't taken long for them to have sex, she still lived in her apartment, and he was truly dating his best friend. The first time he had wanted to go out drinking with Genma, he had been nervous, because everyone knew Genma's reputation. Kristen had been true to her word and instead of asking him where he would be and when he would be home, she had merely told him to have fun and informed him that she would probably watch movies with Naruto all night. He had joked that he was the one that was supposed to tell her where he was going and with whom, and she had rolled her eyes and calmly told him that as long as no one got too grabby with the merchandise, she wouldn't have to 'hunt down some skirts and stab a bitch'. Being one for understanding secret messages, he got hers quickly; she had no lack of faith in him, merely in every other woman who knew a good thing when she saw it. Normally a woman being possessive over him would have him running the other way, but because she trusted him unconditionally, it didn't seem to bother him.

It was due to the fact that their dating had seemed so easy, that she did none of the things other women did to try and cage a man, that he had decided to ask her to move back in with him on their anniversary. It wasn't really a big deal; she had lived with him before, but it still was for him. He had never lived with a woman he was _dating_ before, voluntarily or otherwise. And yet, he couldn't seem to be nervous about it, only looking forward to his sheets smelling like her. A weird thing to fixate on as the primary benefit, but he was blessed with a sensitive nose, and he loved it when one of his pillows smelled like her.

As far as he knew, anniversaries were supposed to be a big deal, with dinner and dancing, or an expensive present like jewelry, but she had proven repeatedly that she only held scorn for female time-honored traditions/expectations. He had resorted to asking advice from Naruto, who surprisingly came up with several suggestions much too dirty to be coming from a self-appointed 'brother'.

He knew Naruto was joking when his last option involved butter, clothes pins, a rubber duckie, and a camera.

Still, the first one had been a late-night picnic and skinny-dipping at the lake outside the walls, which definitely suited her adventurous side. They had quickly come to a compromise to solve the problem of her being affectionate in public, and he not so much. The solution: sex in public. The appeal was wondering if they would get caught, and marking as many places as they possibly could in the entire village. Only the memorial and the monument were out of bounds. They had marked the Hokage tower five times already, their reasoning being that the building was bigger than most. He found it suited his reading-porn-in-public tendencies nicely, and she apparently thought it was hilarious on the rare occasions they did get caught.

Which brought them to the lake. He had packed a simple dinner and escorted her to the lake without telling her why, and naturally she had been patient and not asked. He was finding out that there were many little things she did that made him love her, and her not demanding to know was simply a good example. It had taken nothing but a suggestion to get her running to the lake, clothes flying as she ran, and she had run into the water and splashed in like a little child. He had followed her at his lazy pace, and he couldn't say he was surprised when she started a splashing war immediately after. He taught her the wonders of buoyancy during sex, and it had been a beautiful sight to see her head flung back, mouth stretched open in loud praise of his skill. She held nothing back, as they so often had to be quiet, but so far away from the village he was determined to hear her scream, and she did. He loved the way their voices bounced along the water, the water splashing around their waists.

They had settled back on the blanket, neither caring enough to get dressed yet, and he tried to figure out the best way to ask her to move in. While it was more his style to try and piss her off, make her think he was trying to hide some big secret, and then tell her right before she walked away in exasperation, it never worked with her. She seemed to have almost limitless patience with him, at least with the big things. Leaving towels on the floor of the bathroom in her apartment guaranteed him a severe mock scolding, drinking the last of her milk had him walking to the market at three in the morning for more, but if he were to make a stupid male mistake that would have any other woman making him sleep on the couch for a month and she became a saint with the patience to go with it. So even though he was still carrying on a conversation with her, he was debating the originality of simply coming out and asking her. Something told him she would appreciate it for the simplicity alone.

It took him another ten minutes to figure out the exact wording, another five to get the courage to open his mouth with the intention of saying the first words. The first words were always the hardest, because there was no going back after that.

It seemed the perfect time; they had been laying together on the blanket in comfortable silence, but she beat him to it.

As if a thought had just occurred to her, her head shot up and looked at him with a devilish grin.

"You feel that?"

"Of course. I think it's Sasuke and Sakura. They're on the other side of the lake. Whyyyyy?"

She threw her leg over his hip and braced her hands on his broad chest, her thumbs absently stroking his nipples.

"How do you feel about giving a show? Kids these days think they know everything about sex, so maybe we can show them a thing or two?" To further argue her case, she rocked her pelvis against his a couple of times, satisfied when she felt him begin to harden beneath her.

"And the fact that they are our teammates and my former students won't bother me because…?"

She leaned down and sucked on his earlobe in a familiar rhythm.

"Because you won't be able to put two thoughts together in a couple minutes anyway." Her hot breath in his ear and the feeling of her hard nipples against his chest proved her right; his pathetic excuse for moral reservations never could hold up to her. He sat up so quickly she grunted right in his ear, unintentionally earning her a strangled moan from him. He settled on his knees and gripped her hips hard enough to leave bruises, something she loved to look at the morning after. He lifted her up enough for her to grab him and rub the head up and down a few times, loving how his spine seemed to shudder. He growled at her to stop teasing him and she pressed her breasts to his chest, the vibrations teasing her nipples deliciously. She finally lined him up and gasped when he crushed her down on top of his thighs. She pulled her legs up and settled on her feet, trusting him to hold onto her and keep her from falling back while she bounced on his lap. With one arm wrapped around her lower back and another pulling her hair until her head was arched as far back as it could, he watched her breasts bounce up and down. Wet sounds already filled the air, and he thanked Kami once again for having a woman who got wet at a single look. A giggle filled the air and he dragged his attention away from where they were joined long enough to focus on the chakra signatures across the lake. Even at a distance, he could feel the shock coming from his former students, but he didn't care to take any more time away from what he was doing.

"Time to give them a show, lover." The purr of her voice was all the warning he received before she grabbed his left shoulder and swung him around to the ground. They wrestled each other for position on top, uncaring when he popped out of her except for a slight whimper from her. He flung her onto her stomach and yanked her arms behind her back, sinking his teeth into her shoulder just to the side of her neck. She shrieked, her back arching into his bite. The act of arching rubbed the crease of her ass along his arousal, and he retaliated by thrusting himself brutally inside her, forsaking her wrists for her hips. He only was able to move inside her for a minute, intent on the sound of his stomach slapping against her ass, before she used her hips to toss them both to the side in a tangle of limbs. Hands and legs fought for leverage, slick skin sliding effortlessly as they grappled. She managed to throw him off of her bodily, and made a run for it. He caught up with her almost instantly, slamming her into a tree, uncaring that it most likely hurt her. One hand held her hair in an iron-tight grip, the other on her hip, and he was crushing her into the tree as fast as he could move his hips. Pulling back on her hair to arch her back gave him a better angle and guaranteed that she felt every inch of the tree's bark on her stomach. She fought him with every thrust, trying to get enough leverage to push away from the tree, though her moans showed she was enjoying what he was doing. Not wanting to actually harm her, he wrapped his arms around her waist and twisted around, slamming her to the ground. The impact drove him as far into her as he could go, and once the air that had been knocked out of her lungs was replaced, he was rewarded with her first screams.

She managed to get her elbows and knees on the ground, and from there it was only seconds until he had to focus on getting her slippery body back under his control. He would never admit it, would never have to admit it, but he loved the rare occasion when she made him fight for the right to fuck her. They always ended up with bruises the next day, both of them, but it was sweat, blood, and sex all rolled up into one. And it was perfect. She was perfect.

He had pinned her on her back, her wrists held above her head with one hand as the other held down her pelvis long enough for him to slip back inside her. Kakashi could tell she hadn't meant to, but the feeling of pushing back into her blissful heat was accompanied by a sigh of such happiness that all the fight seemed to leave him. He had no idea what it felt like to be filled up, but he knew the sheer intensity of pleasure that could make her make those breathy sighs he loved so much. As though life became perfect, and even though he could make her feel even more pleasure by doing other things, nothing felt better than that one second of heavenly sensations.

And just like that, he knew how he would ask her.

Never taking his eyes off hers, he wrapped her legs around his waist, moving inside her slowly, no longer in a rush. Impatient as usual, she tried to buck her hips to the rhythm she wanted from him, but he refused to move any faster. He wrapped his arms around her shoulders, one hand cradling her head off the ground. Kakashi had to grit his teeth, baring them in a fierce battle of willpower when she raked her nails down his back. She had quickly shown him the true meaning of 'it hurt so good'; he was still trying to teach her it 'wasn't a destination, but a journey'. Once the initial sting from the several deep scratches she had left died down, he let his eyes show her how he was feeling. It took her a moment to realize they were no longer fighting, and she quickly noticed how… tender he was. He had gone to the extreme other side of the spectrum, and the quick change of mood left her slightly breathless. She could count the number of times he had looked at like that on one hand. They were the only times she felt as though she were nothing but a woman, and all woman. That he was worshiping the most sacred thing he had ever set eyes upon, and felt luckier for the honor. They were the only times she ever cried after sex, or cried period, and nothing made her heart fuller than when he made love to her. It was always done the same way, with him on top and surrounding her almost completely with his body, hugging her tight as though he could absorb her into himself. And his eyes always told her the three words he would never say in public, rarely said in private, and primarily were only heard when being drowned out by her screams. But that honest and truly loving look in his eye was all she needed to see; it was better than any words could ever make her feel, because his eyes never lied to her.

"Move in with me."

His hips never stopped moving, hers meeting the rhythm on instinct, but for a second she completely forgot that they were in the middle of another marathon round of sex. That second was all she needed to know that she was truly happy, and the smile that spread her lips was wide and without guile.

"Yes."

His lips crushed hers for a moment, taking the air out of her lungs as the only way he could express the many feelings running rampant through his chest at her answer. She took everything he gave her, her tongue clashing with his as they tried to say words that couldn't be spoken through a single kiss.

He broke away with a gasp for air, his gaze drawn away for only a second before black and red were back to meet blue. His thrusts finally became faster, more insistent, completely content to hold her and watch her steadily fall apart. Her blue eyes became unfocused, though they never left his, her fingers clawing his back spasmodically. He fought to keep his pace, wanting to draw it out a little longer, just a little longer. His name on her sighs became jumbled moans, words that might not have been words, and even a sob or two. Those were his favorite, because he knew she only cried when her body didn't have any other way of expressing how good it felt. The muscles under her curves became tighter and tighter, her breathing fast between screams. Kakashi made the mistake of burying his face in her neck to try and keep control, but the sound and feeling of her sighs and grunts in his ear were his undoing. Sixty seconds of eternity was all he had to push her over the edge, and he let go of all restraint, slamming into her as fast as his body was capable of, angling his hips just so, just the way he knew was guaranteed to bring her to orgasm. The second her body froze, every muscle concentrated on arching into him and the source of her pleasure, her frame shaking with the effort of holding them both in the air, he emptied himself into her with a hoarse cry, her name barked into the air as though he were gasping a pained prayer. When she collapsed onto the ground, he fell with her, pulling her into the safety of his arms. He rolled onto his side and shielded her from sight as the smell of fresh tears filled the air. She was quiet, perhaps remembering that they were still not alone and still being watched, but that did not stop him from his smug satisfaction. Whether it was because he had finally asked her to move in, or because he had loved her so gently, it was the ultimate achievement to make his strong and composed kunoichi fall apart in his arms as a direct result of how well he had worshipped her. He couldn't help the grin that lit up his face at the thought that he hadn't even had to use hands or tongue. He was getting more skilled with her every time.

A few minutes was all she ever really needed to gain her composure, and he felt her chakra subtly flare out in the direction of the lake.

"They're still there. They tried to leave at one point, but they came back and watched the whole thing. Sasuke will never be able to look you in the face again."

"Well, I guess it's a good thing I don't give a rat's ass what he thinks of me, huh, Kashi?"

"I suppose. When do you want to move in?"

"How's tomorrow sound? We both have the day off."

"Perfect. Happy anniversary, vanilla."

"Happy anniversary, my love."


	13. Kami, she's going to hate me

Disclaimer: They aren't mine, we all they don't belong to us, because if they could, it would be the catfight from Hell. I lay odds 3 to 1 on myself.

Please review, it's good karma, and you can never have too much good karma. Just like chocolate.

Ch 13

He had gotten lazy, complacent. The one thing he should never have forgotten, the one lesson he never wanted to repeat, and it was going to happen. He was going to lose someone he loved dearly, and he didn't know if it was better or worse that she would still be alive once everything was said and done. He really didn't know.

Kakashi had gotten home a day after she had left, the only consolation being that her mission wouldn't take too long. It had been a year, and it still amazed him that he seemed to have the perfect woman. No fights, no games, just love and respect. He was content with his life for the first time, and he never took a moment of it for granted.

He should have known it wouldn't last.

He had just gotten out of the shower and thrown away his bloodied and ruined uniform before a frantic pounding at his door had him waltzing in the general direction at his usual relaxed pace. He had only opened the door a fraction before Naruto barged in and promptly began pacing, not even bothering to remove his sandals.

Bemused at the man's ability to get himself worked up so easily, Kakashi silently leaned against the nearest wall and waited for Naruto to settle down enough to speak.

"Kaka-sensei, I found something out tonight."

"Hn?"

Naruto resumed pacing, talking as though to himself, sometimes almost mumbling in his rush to purge the words from his mind, to get the weight of them off his shoulders and onto another's.

"I saw something I'm pretty sure I wasn't supposed to. But it had Kris' name on it, and I was curious, so I took a look. It was a file called Wonderland, whatever the hell that it. It was an order from the council to find you a woman. Apparently they had research done to figure out what you wanted, because they're worried you would die without an heir. They wanted to make sure the White Fang line didn't die, whoever that is. Is he like an uncle or something? Anyway, Kris was apparently the one they decided on, and they had this whole plan for how to get her here, to get you two living together, all this stuff to make sure that you married her and had kids. It said that wherever she came from, they killed her fiancée and sent you there to kidnap her, did you really stalk her? There were reports in there that were signed by you, reports from other guys about their opinions on your relationship… I didn't know anyone was watching you. What the hell is going on? Did you know the council and Tsunade baa-chan set all this up for you? Did you know about this before you went there?"

When Naruto didn't receive an answer, he looked up for the first time and saw Kakashi frozen against the wall, staring at Naruto without seeing anything. Misinterpreting it as guilt, Naruto rushed him and sent him flying to the side with a powerful hook, following the body of his former sensei to the ground and crushing his throat with his forearm.

"Tell me you didn't know what they were going to do to her! Tell me you didn't agree to this, or so help me Kaka-sensei I'll-"

"It was all a lie?" The question wasn't really directed at Naruto, but he was quick to answer.

"No, it was all a plan by the council, and Tsaunde baa-chan approved it. I'm pretty sure it was not supposed to be sitting out, because the file said it was a S-class secret. You had no idea why they sent you on that mission, why you were supposed to train her?"

"No," Kakashi croaked out around Naruto's arm, who quickly lifted it and helped Kakashi to his feet. "It was all beyond classified, so I didn't ask questions, I fulfilled my missions. All this, everything they did to her, was just so I would have children?!"

Kakashi slid back down the wall and looked up at Naruto, all the color leeched from his face. Naruto crouched over him, afraid he would pass out from lack of blood in his head. He had never seen fear on his invincible sensei's face, or the despair that was so easy to see. The one man who never let his true emotions show was now displaying them all with frightening intensity, and Naruto could barely keep his panic in check.

The raw, hoarse sound of his former mentor's voice did nothing to calm him.

"It's all my fault. Oh Kami, they killed him because of me. They took away her life, her home, everything, for me."

Naruto's eyes widened at the sight of tears pooling in Kakashi's eyes, one tear slipping down a white cheek.

"Oh, Kami, Naruto, she's going to hate me."


	14. Revelations, nightmares, and resolve

Disclaimer: They aren't mine, we all they don't belong to us, because if they could, it would be the catfight from Hell. I lay odds 3 to 1 on myself.

Please review, it's good karma, and you can never have too much good karma. Just like chocolate.

Ch 14

It had been an exhausting mission. Why was it the best paying missions always involved arrogant men who thought they could feel you up because it was part of the 'escort' service? It had taken every single ounce of her considerable patience to allow the man to keep all of his fingers unbroken; Tsunade had warned her that one more complaint about broken bones from a client and she would be taken off the mission list for a month. Between that, and the fact that she had only stopped to sleep for four days so she could get home to him faster, she wanted nothing more than to take a nice, hot shower, and show him how much she had missed him. Maybe sleep for a whole day after that.

The apartment was dark when she let herself in, and she assumed he was down at the bar around the corner with Genma. Shrugging off her shoes and dumping her pack at the door, she was headed straight for the bathroom when the lamp lit up in the living room. Her kunai was in her hand and ready before her eyes had a chance to tell her it was only Kakashi. He sat on the couch, his green book nowhere to be seen.

"Damn, baby, you startled me. Why're you sitting in the dark?"

"We need to talk, Kristen."

His tone was serious and almost formal, and all the warning bells went off in her mind. He knew damn well how much she hated that expression, as it never meant anything good. It was always the end of something.

Hoping with something close to panic that she was merely making assumptions based on absolutely no information, she tried to stall.

"Can I take a shower first? I've been doing nothing but travelling for the last four days so I could get home quicker, so I'm probably smellier than shit."

"This can't wait. There's something you need to know."

Another sentence that brought doom. She gave herself the time it took to inhale deeply to accept the fact that he was probably going to leave her for whatever reason before sitting on the coffee table in front of the couch.

"Ok, I'm listening."

Kakashi leaned forward on his knees, rubbing his face with his hands, and she could see dark circles under his eyes.

"Please believe me when I say I had no idea this was going on, I never knew anything about this." He brushed a hand through his hair, uncaring that it snagged and pulled hair away with it. It as subtle, but she could tell his hand was shaking.

"Naruto accidentally saw some paperwork he wasn't supposed to about a week ago. Paperwork on something called Wonderland. It had your name on it." He forced himself to look her in the eyes.

"I was told at my briefing that the purpose of Wonderland was to keep an eye on what was happening on the outside world. That was why I didn't know what they would do with you when they were done, and why I was surprised to see you still alive. I had made the recommendation in my report that you would make a good shinobi, but the mission was from the council, and you know what a rotten bunch of politicians they are, so who knew what their motives were? Well, apparently finding out about the world was only a smokescreen meant to fool both of us. The council had decided that my bloodline and abilities were too precious to let die out, and they had done extensive research on what kind of woman they thought I would be attracted to. And because they decided the only one that would do wouldn't be found in any of the villages, they enacted Wonderland."

The look in his eyes became indignant and enraged.

"Apparently Wonderland has been carried out before on other unsuspecting shinobi. Based on my profile, your former government chose one of its' citizens and made all the necessary preparations to ensure that you wouldn't be missed by immediate family."

He shot up from the couch and paced in front of the patio doors, both hands raking through his hair.

"God, Kristen, the only reason you're not home with Arthur is because they wanted me to settle down and have kids to carry on my line! And you were the one chosen for the job. That's why I was sent to acquire you, that's why I was told to train you, it was all to make sure that I made future ninja!" He was back on the couch in front of her in a flash, holding hands that had turned to ice. Kakashi looked into her eyes, knowing he had to get everything out before she shut down or went into shock or something. The unfocused look in her eyes told him it wouldn't take long.

"I know you need time to think about this and let it sink in, but listen to me for one more minute, ok? Can you do that, Kristen?" Encouraged by her nod, no matter how blank her face and eyes had become, he took her face in his hands and tried to let her pick up on every emotion he was feeling. Even the fear that she would never want to look at him again, that his face would always remind her of why she was a widow, that she would blame him.

"I am so sorry my government did this to you, but I swear to you I had no knowledge of this. And no matter how much they might have tried to set us up, I love you because of who you are and how you treat me, not because people have been manipulating circumstances behind our back. I understand that you really need to get away right now, and…" he sighed and tried to talk over the lump in his throat, "I understand if you can't handle seeing me anymore because it hurts you. I just want you to know that if you need anything at all, I'll be here."

He saw the moisture filling up her eyes, felt her body start to vibrate, and knew she was feeling the urge to run. Kakashi let go of her and tried not to take it personally when she fled, not even bothering to close the door behind her in her haste. He tried, but didn't quite succeed. He got up to close the door, but she had come back and stood in the doorway, giving him a teary smile that was without any anger.

"I'll be back by tomorrow night."

And she was gone, the door closed behind her.

Normally when something happened that was so big she needed time away to truly absorb it, she would hide in the woods where there were no distractions. This, however, was too big for that. It was too much, too destructive to the life she had been getting used to, too hurtful. She needed to shut down, could feel her mind pushing her to go to sleep, but she couldn't do that out in the forest.

She needed Naruto.

Which was why she was pounding on his door ten minutes later, still in her dirty clothes and stinking and totally uncaring that it was the middle of the night. Maybe she would have if her mind hadn't numbed itself to everything out of self-preservation.

Being the perceptive man he was, Naruto knew as soon as his sleep-crusted eyes saw her at his door that Kakashi had told her. And he knew by the fact that she hadn't thrown herself at him, sobbing and desperately needing a hug, that she was a kind of bad he had never seen before. Because she was merely standing there, looking at him as though he would soon be telling her what to do, because she had no clue. He gently pulled her in by her elbow, noting that her clothes were so dirty she must not have even had time to get cleaned up from her mission. Cursing Kakashi for springing the facts on her the second she got home, he took a quick inventory of her.

She was barefoot, and they were bleeding.

She stunk like only a homeless person could.

Her face was a mess, from the bloodshot eyes to the track of tears that were the only clean skin to be seen on her cheeks.

Her whole body seemed to vibrate, as though she were barely holding herself up until she knew she was safe. Or it was exhaustion. Probably both.

Her clothes needed to be burned, but there were no easily seen rips or tears, so she likely had no injuries from her mission.

Naruto sighed and lumbered into his bedroom, knowing she wouldn't move. He grabbed a shirt and pants for her and set them in the bathroom before returning to the living room. He grabbed both of her hands and gently led her into the bathroom, standing in the doorway. He cradled her face in his tanned hands and tilted her head up until she was looking at him.

"Kristen, I need you to take a shower, because you're very dirty. There's clothes in there for you to wear, and I'll wait right here by the door, ok? Just leave your dirty clothes on the floor and I'll take care of them. Can you do that for me?"

He was hoping to get a dirty look from her, an insulting remark about treating her like a child, but she only nodded before turning around and starting to take her clothes off. He yanked the door closed before he could really see anything, leaning against the wall on the other side of the hallway. He realized that he would most likely be awake the rest of the night now that he was completely freaked out and rubbed his face tiredly before wondering how Kakashi was handling it. He made a note to find him the next day, and laughed at himself at the likelihood that he would forget to. Even though he had told her he would wait by the door, he needed tea to help him wake up, so he padded to the kitchen and set some water to boil, staring blankly at the counter.

Naruto's body jerked as he woke up, having fallen asleep leaning over a counter. He had no idea how long he had been sleeping, and he cursed loudly when he still heard the shower running. He may not have known how long he was out, but his internal clock told him it had been a significant amount of time. He barely remembered to take the water off the stove and turn it off before sprinting to the bathroom door and bursting through. He didn't honestly think she would try to hurt herself, but she had been acting completely zoned out, and traumatized people did crazy things. He had a masochistic mental flash of blood sprayed all over the walls of his bathroom, but they were still white. He could see her huddled on the floor of the tub, the shower still spraying over her. He reached a hand in and turned off the water, wincing when he felt how icy cold it was. He shook her shoulder through the shower curtain and called her name a few times, but she seemed to be sleeping or unconscious. Grabbing a towel and sighing, he draped it over her as best he could before half-stepping into the tub to pick her up, swearing at the feel of her skin. She was nearly blue.

He sat her down on the toilet seat and leaned her into his chest to steady her while he used the towel to dry off her back and legs, pointedly looking over her shoulder at the wall. Her body was trembling in violent waves in an attempt to keep her warm, and Naruto apologized quietly for what he would have to do. Entirely unwilling to dry off the front of her torso, he pulled the towel back to her front and picked her up again. Once she was under the blankets of his bed, he ran to the living room and grabbed the extra blankets to pile them on top of his bed. Stripping down to his boxers, he got underneath the mountain of blankets and pulled Kristen to his chest, wrapping his arms and legs around her. He rubbed her back with both hands, wincing as her icy skin seemed to leech all the warmth from him. Even though the towel between them was slightly damp, there was absolutely nothing that would convince him to take away that one barrier between him and his adopted sister. He pulled the edges of the blankets under and made a blanket igloo with only his head sticking out. As he looked at the ceiling without seeing, he tried to will away his tears as he felt her shallow and slow breathing on his chest. Only when he felt her body warm and her shivers cease did he allow himself to doze off again.

Naruto awoke instantly when knees and fists began hitting him with bruising strength, and he was quick to pin her against his chest, his legs tucked safely between hers.

"Kristen, it's ok, wake up! It's Naruto, you're ok!"

His words seemed to have no effect on her, and he was having a very difficult time keeping her restrained. His ears heard her calling a man's name out, one that definitely wasn't Kakashi's. Thankful her shrieks were muffled by the blankets, he tucked his head into the side of her neck and whispered into her ear, trying to soothe her with his calm voice. He kept murmuring that it was only a dream, he wouldn't let anyone hurt her, that he would keep her safe. When the minutes ticked by and it was obvious that it wasn't working, the panic he had been fighting since he had awoken started to creep around his brain like icy tendrils. Naruto had no idea what was wrong with her, and no idea how to help. Still restraining her, he made shaky signs against her back. A clone appeared in boxers and dashed to the dresser, diving out the window once he was dressed.

How long he had to wait, he had no idea. He was exhausted from very little sleep, all of it interrupted, and she seemed to show no signs of losing strength. Considering she had nearly been hypothermic mere hours ago, he found her stamina impressive, especially since he was barely keeping her under control. It scared him that she was still as frantic in her attempts to get away from him as she was probably half an hour ago. He looked toward the window seconds before Kakashi came barrelling in, his clone dissipating to let him know help was there. Naruto knew that most of the blankets had been wiggled or flung off the bed by then, and it probably didn't look good to see them naked in his bed with her struggling like a mad woman, but he would explain later. By the look in Kakashi's eye, there would definitely be some explaining later.

"Kakashi, I woke up and she was freaking out! I think she's still asleep, but I don't know why she won't wake up or stop struggling. And she's calling some other guy's name. What do I do?!" The sound of panic barely held in check was enough to reassure Kakashi that there was most likely a good reason why Naruto was in bed with his naked girlfriend, and if there wasn't he knew how to hide a body better than anybody.

"Naruto, let go of her and get out of bed. I'll handle this." It was difficult, but he kept his voice calm and devoid of emotion, reverting back to his 'Sensei' voice. Naruto scrambled to get out of bed, trying to his best to avoid the limbs flying at him. Kakashi pounced on her, quickly pinning her arms and legs with his and using his shoulder to muffle her screams. All Naruto could do was watch numbly as even the Copy Nin had to bear down on her, and he knew she would have dark bruises on her wrists in the morning. Kakashi buried his face in the crook of her neck, letting his masked breath warm her, ignoring the fact that her entire body was bowing in its' attempt to get away from him. He murmured words into her ear, his voice still husky from sleep.

"Kristen, it's Kakashi. C'mon, vanilla, calm down. You and I both know this's only a nightmare, you've beaten them before. I need you to wake up, honey. You know it's me, you know how I smell, you know I won't hurt you. Relax and think. You know me, I'm the only one that smells good, remember? C'mon, baby, wake up and show me those beautiful blue eyes. I need you to calm down and wake up, vanilla."

With his acute hearing, Naruto could hear every word, and as much as a part of his brain was screaming that he leave, that he was listening to personal things he had no business knowing, his body would not move until he knew she would be ok. He couldn't even seem to make his head turn away to give Kakashi the illusion of privacy. All he could see was her face, half covered by Kakashi's hair. It seemed to surreal to see such helpless terror on the face of someone who could take better care of herself than anyone he knew, except Kakashi. Her face was even more obscured when Kakashi took both of her wrists in one hand and forcefully buried her face in the side of his neck, careful not to let her bite him. While Naruto was ready to hit her over the head and rush her to the hospital, as whatever Kakashi was doing obviously wasn't working, Kakashi seemed content to wait.

Naruto could barely believe it when her panicked breathing slowed, and she seemed to be not so much breathing as smelling Kakashi. Her struggles ceased, and her body seemed relax into the mattress. Kakashi was now cradling her head into his neck instead of holding her against him, still breathing soothing warm air onto her shoulder. He again became aware that she was naked, half of her chest exposed with their limbs above their heads. Kakashi let go of her head to bring the arm down to cover her exposed chest, rolling onto his side to cradle her in his arms.

"Kakashi?" She was only half-awake, enough to know it was him. Her body froze when she realized someone else was in the room, but he was quick to reassure her.

"You're at Naruto's, baby. You're safe with me and Naruto. You just had a nightmare, ok? Go back to sleep."

"Where's Naruto? Did I hurt him?" she tried to crane her head to look behind her, but he kept her body from moving, knowing she had no idea she was naked.

"He's fine, Kris. Just worried about you. He's going to sleep in the other room, make sure you're safe, ok?"

"M'kay." Kakashi nodded at Naruto over her shoulder to let him know she would be ok, and Naruto nodded back, quickly scooping up a blanket before retreating to the couch in the living room.

Neither of the two men slept for the rest of the night.

When she first woke up, she thought it was just another day. She was, after all, waking up in his arms like she so often did. But the mattress didn't feel right. Or smell right. Confused, she opened her eyes and looked around, recognizing Naruto's bedroom. Knowing the man holding her was awake, she looked to him soundlessly for answers.

"What do you remember, vanilla?"

Kristen frowned, thinking it an odd question, besides the fact that they always started their day with 'good morning'. It took a minute, as her mind seemed to want to stay fuzzy, so she let it come to her gradually.

Didn't she have a mission soon? No, wait, she had gone on that mission with the man who couldn't keep his hands off her ass. That's right, the one who smelled like fried chicken. Yuck. And she had run hard for four days to get home, because she needed to cram all the sex she could in with him before her period. She remembered coming home to a dark apartment, but she hadn't gone to bed. No, he had been waiting, and they had-

"Shit." She remembered telling him she would be back, thinking she needed to sleep at Naruto's, and seeing Naruto at his front door. But that was it. After that, she drew a blank.

"I remember you telling me. I remember leaving and coming here. But after Naruto came to the front door, that's all I remember. Did something happen? Is Naruto ok?"

His hands automatically began rubbing her back to comfort her, something he didn't realize he was doing.

"Naruto's fine. You had a nightmare and Naruto didn't know what to do, so he sent a bunshin to get me. He's probably still sleeping on the couch. Why don't I go get you a cup of coffee and bring it back in here? You ok for a few minutes?"

"Sure. I didn't hurt him, did I?"

He shook his head and eased her onto her back, nuzzling her ear with his nose. Kristen smiled and closed her eyes, letting the warmth of the blankets and his body lull her. Kakashi was almost to the door when he heard her squeak. Never having heard such a high-pitched noise from her before, he turned an incredulous eye to her. She was sitting up in bed, propped up against the wall, the blankets pulled up to her neck and tucked around her securely.

"Why am I naked?"

Suddenly reminded of how he had found them last night, his expression instantly darkened and he turned back to the door, now intent on more than coffee.

"Lemme go find that out for you. Be right back."

Alarmed and knowing very well what that tone of voice meant, she tried to scramble out of bed, but could only hiss as her body made its' complaints known. She looked at her wrists and saw the black bruises around her wrists and ankles, but she knew they were from his restraining her if she'd had a nightmare. What she didn't understand was why her body felt so stiff, as though she had done nothing but train the day before and was paying greatly for it. She hadn't felt that way when she got home, so what had happened after she left the apartment and before Kakashi showed up at Naruto's? She heard a crash from his living room and scanned the bedroom quickly for her clothes. Not finding them, she grabbed the first pants and shirt she could find from his dresser, donning them as quickly as her sore body would allow her. She awkwardly rushed to the door, yanking it open and crossing the small hallway into the living room. The gasp she uttered was ignored, but that was because Kakashi was too busy choking Naruto, and Naruto was too busy trying to choke out words through his steadily crushing windpipe.

"What the fuck is going on?!!" All aches forgotten, she rushed to Kakashi and pulled on one of his arms. She knew she wouldn't be able to pry him off if he didn't want to move, she only wanted his attention.

"Kakashi, let go of him! What is wrong with you?! You know Naruto would never do anything to me, so let go of him right now! Please!"

Kakashi gave Naruto's neck one last vicious squeeze before releasing him with a growl, satisfied when Naruto fell to the floor in a heap. Kristen bent to make sure he was ok only to have Kakashi yank her away from him with a barely recognizable 'no'. Scared at his aggressive behavior, she had no choice in the matter when he shuffled her behind him, his eye trained on Naruto's every move. Naruto dragged himself off the floor, leaning against the wall for support, coughing and holding his healing throat.

"Kaka…shi. _Cough, cough._ When Kristen got here, _cough_, she was like a zombie. I brought her in and told her to take a shower. I left clothes for her in there because what she had on was trashed. I didn't mean to, but I went to make some tea to wake up and I fell asleep in the kitchen. She was still in the shower when I woke up, and she was turning blue. I have no idea how long I was asleep, but it had been a while. I've never seen her so out of it, like she was a zombie, or totally shell-shocked. I wrapped her in a towel and got every blanket I had and tried to keep her warm. I will still half asleep, and I guess I dozed off. You know I would never do anything to her, Kristen's my sister!" Naruto winced around his sore throat, his eyes pleading to be believed.

"Kakashi-sensei, you know I would never take advantage of anyone, especially my best friend. She was so cold that putting clothes on her, besides the fact that I don't want to see my sister naked, would have made it harder for her to warm up. You know what you have to do when someone is almost hypothermic, Kakashi. You know she had a towel on, and I had boxers on."

"She didn't have a towel on when I got here, Naruto," Kakashi growled, unconsciously snarling to show his canines.

Exasperated, Naruto grabbed his hair with both hands and pulled viciously.

"Would I have woken you up in the middle of the night and demanded you show up here if I'd done something to her?! We all know what a possessive bastard you can be, Kakashi-sensei, so why in the hell would I do something as suicidal as touch her? Do you honestly think I'm capable of this?!"

Even half awake, Kristen could hear the hurt and disappointment in Naruto's voice, knew the situation was getting out of control. She was afraid that if Kakashi didn't come to his senses soon, his relationship with Naruto would be severely damaged.

"No, I don't." The answer was quiet, almost a sigh, and Kristen let go of the death grip she hadn't realized she'd had on his back. He, too, seemed to relax his posture into his usual slouch.

"I'm sorry, Naruto. It's been a rough night, none of us have slept, and I've been worried about her since she left. I'm sorry I hurt you."

Naruto was only pensive for a moment before clasping his hands behind his neck in that posture that was all Naruto.

"Eh, don't worry about it. I'm just glad you're here and Kristen's ok."

She had been holding her tongue for long enough, and was more than willing to let out her exasperation at being talked about as though she wasn't standing directly behind Kakashi. Kristen figured a small joke to help break the ice couldn't hurt, either.

"Well, if we're still going to talk about me_ like I'm not even here_, _she_ needs some coffee because _she_ had one helluva bad night." It was a horrible attempt at humor, but it didn't have to be publication-worthy. Both men had the grace to look sheepish before heading to the kitchen, Kristen still tucked possessively into Kakashi's side. He herded her to sit at the table before checking out Naruto's cubboards for food while Naruto started coffee. While she had questions, and probably some future anger management problems, instead of the men's fight adding more stress to her, it had prioritized things. She knew the guys were being quiet and busy to avoid provoking any anger from her, Kakashi especially, but it wasn't necessary. The night before she had felt as if there were too many emotions to deal with, too many implications on their relationship and how genuine it was, but it was all bullshit.

Breakfast was brief and silent. Dishes were abandoned to be dealt with later, and she dragged them back to the couch, stretching out over both of them. As was usual, she needed a minute to get her many thoughts in order, and while Naruto was simply afraid to speak and possibly ruin the good graces he was in, Kakashi knew to wait until she was ready to talk. The more she tried to get her thoughts in order, the more they seemed to multiply until she shook her head and simplified everything in her mind down to basics. Basics she could talk about, or at least would be the place to start.

"Ok, so, if I remember correctly, the council wants Kakashi to continue his bloodline, and that's why I'm here. Which is why I have bullet scars and a dead fiancee. So it really sucks to be me, but guys? It's done and can't be undone. Much as I hate the council for being manipulative bastards, they didn't tell my government who exactly they wanted, and it was my former government that's responsible for killing Arthur. It's not fair to blame that on Konoha, because they didn't have anything to do with it. If anything, Kakashi, you should be the one pissed at them trying to turn you into a father whether you want to or not." She looked up at him, smiling when his fingers restlessly played with her hair.

"You know I'm big about being fair, Kakashi. None of this is your fault, and I'm not angry at you for anything. I don't even care if the whole point was to get me here so I could have your kids. That's not their business until we have a marriage license over our head, and even then I'll probably tell them to go fuck themselves. Whether or not they wanted us to be together, I'm with you because of who you are, because I want to, not because we've been manipulated into it. Don't forget that, Kashi."

His eyes remained carefully neutral, and she figured he needed time to get used to the idea. She completely understood how undermining this new knowledge was, but she refused to let herself be manipulated further, and took the situation at face value. Her knack for accepting horrible situations was coming in handy again, although that was pushing the limit even with her. There was nothing to be gained by making a scandal over it, no recourse against the council, so she let it go. She was worried Kakashi would not be able to do the same, that the idea of being steered into a relationship with her would make him question everything about them. That he would reject her on the principle of it not being of their own free will. She could see so many ways that it could mess with his head, and that had her more worried than anything. Not being able to read his eye didn't help any.

"Do you have nightmares like that a lot?" Naruto asked quietly. He hated to intrude on their private conversation, but he was still shaken from having to restrain her. Her screams were still crystal clear in his memory.

"No. Only when I'm really stressed out, and Kakashi's the only one who can calm me down. It's one thing when I'm on a mission, but I should've known this would happen if I came over here. I'm really sorry if I scared you, Naruto. There's nothing you could have done except get Kashi."

"Who's Arthur?"

Kristen tensed, and she felt Kakashi tense in response. Not wanting to make his defensive instincts kick in again, she forced herself to relax both her body and face. It wasn't easy.

"He's my fiancee that my former government killed. I was there when it happened, and I have scars from it. I'll tell you about it some time, when things get back to normal and we're not all freaked out. He was a good man, and I know he's happy for me." She pulled Kakashi's arm over her stomach, resting her hand over his and linking their fingers together. Kristen looked up at him, and even though she knew that he would not show much simply for the fact that they weren't home and behind the privacy of locked doors, she was still worried about the lack of any kind of reading from him. Not from chakra, her intuition, his eye, his body language. Nothing. No clue at all what he was thinking or feeling. It made her nervous.

Sitting up, she clapped her hands to her knees and stood up, pulling Naruto to his feet as well.

"Naruto, I really appreciate you taking care of me and being enough of a brother to be creeped out at the thought of seeing me naked, but Kakashi and I have stuff to figure out. Thanks to the council, we have to go 'talk relationship shit', or something like that." Assuming the air of a martyr and rolling her eyes was enough to get him to snicker.

"Sure, but you owe me ramen some time for making Kaka-sensei choke the shit out of me!"

She beamed at him, as though she had perfectly executed a plan with said choking as the outcome, before tackling him for a bear hug.

"Next time's on me for sure. We'll do it soon so you don't worry too much about us. Oh, and burn my clothes, will ya? They're not salvageable. I'll bring these back with me when I treat you to ramen. Call ya soon?"

Naruto nodded, taking a peek at Kakashi out of the corner of his eye. Kakashi was still sitting on the couch, so she leaned over and yanked his arm to propel him up.

"C'mon honey, there's no place like home. That, and I don't have shoes. Carry me?" Her usual pathetic attempt at puppy dog eyes was enough to bring a spark of life to his eyes, and she felt lighter for seeing it. He let her climb on his back and Naruto opened the door to let them out, yelling out a last reminder about ramen.


	15. Chapter 15 mixup update

Ok guys, Ichkak was kind enough to point out that chap 15 is another 14, so I've fixed it. Sorry to have you all cliffhanging and stuff. And Ichkak, I wish I knew why my stories are not lucky in the review department. Even the stories from my old penname had that problem. I don't understand, but whatever. Having a truly thought out review like yours, one that is more than a single line, will keep me going for a week. Thank you so much!


	16. It only takes 1 to kill the love of 2

Disclaimer: They aren't mine, we all they don't belong to us, because if they could, it would be the catfight from Hell. I lay odds 3 to 1 on myself.

Please review, it's good karma, and you can never have too much good karma. Just like chocolate.

Ch 15

Uncomfortable. Awkward. Uncertain.

Tense. Hesitant. Exasperating.

Tired of coming up with words that described the silence that seemed to fill their apartment the second they had climbed through the open bedroom window, she rolled her eyes and headed for the bathroom without a word to the man hiding behind his book. If he didn't want to talk, nothing on earth could be done to force him. She had dealt with her feelings and emotions about their present situation and was ready to move on, but it seemed she would have to stop and wait for him. Internally muttering to herself about emotionally constipated bastards known as men, she quickly scrubbed her body down until she was almost raw. Those nightmares always gave her an undeniable impulse to scratch the skin off her body, and she had rarely been able to resist it. Knowing he wouldn't appreciate the distraction, she wrapped a towel around her body before leaving the bathroom and heading for the bedroom to get dressed. Hungry again, she headed for the kitchen, intent on getting something to eat before leaving; she figured he would need time and space to figure things out on his own.

While he had been characteristically possessive of her this morning, it was a habit of his to protect her, and the fact that she had a nightmare would only have made his patience short, so none of his actions that morning necessarily meant anything as to their future. She knew and accepted that she was able to come to terms with things and move on quicker than most, but it worried her that he was being so careful to give her no clue as to what he was thinking or feeling. Kristen found it painfully ironic that the council's actions had brought them together only to possibly tear them apart. She was willing to work past it, to be patient with his insecurity issues that had to have arisen from this, but she had learned from Arthur that a relationship can only be fixed if they both wanted it to be. And she wouldn't try to carry both parts again; it took too much from her and was futile in the end.

She sincerely hoped she was being paranoid for being unable to do anything but anticipate being single soon.

Her musings kept her busy all through her meal and the cleaning of her dishes, and as he had still not said a word or even tried to sneak a glance at her over his book, she left without a word. She felt as though to say anything would make him feel suffocated, and withdrawal from her was making her emotions unstable, so she fled.

He was pissed.

It was bad enough that he had no clue how to feel about being manipulated into being with Kristen, but he couldn't understand how she could be so accepting of it. And what really pissed him off was that not only had she accepted all that had been done to her and that she still wanted to be with him, but he knew, he _knew_ that she had come to terms with the fact that he might not want to be with her. Her acceptance almost struck him as apathy at times, and if he had known and been trusted by her any less, he would have assumed it was apathy. He was envious of her ability to remain calm after such life-altering news, to easily acknowledge that being angry wouldn't accomplish anything, and just let it go.

He was fucking pissed off that she hadn't come home last night.

Kakashi knew he could be a bastard when he was mad, that he still tended to shut her out very quickly, and that it hurt her deeply when he did, but he hadn't tried to. He was trying to figure out what the hell he was feeling and what he wanted to do out it, and she just took off. At first he figured she needed space, or was trying to give him space, but he had finally given up waiting around for her to show up long after midnight; his lack of sleep the night before meant he wasn't able to spend another night awake waiting for her. He went to bed pissed at her for not showing up, and pissed that she had caused him to go to bed pissed.

His mood had not improved when he woke up and realized he had spent the few hours left of the night alone, and a quick look showed she had still not shown up. It was hard to figure out how much of them had been real and manipulated when he couldn't think about anything other than what he wanted to yell at her when she finally decided to show up.

He was almost pissed at himself when he said nothing at her appearance around midday. It was simply too much to think about, and he was seriously contemplating asking for a mission to get away from everything for a day or two. The only reason he didn't was her. He had made this mistake with Kristen before, and he did not want her assuming his seeking out a mission meant he was done with her. She would, too. So he continued to watch her over his book, seething about the hundred thoughts rushing through his mind like a whirlpool, the least of which was not where the hell she had spent the night before. He was too proud to ask, though.

"It's very simple, Kakashi. Ignore the details, because if I can ignore the fact that you were the indirect cause of Arthur being murdered, you can ignore the fact that they did all this to make you into a baby factory. It's a simple question: do you want to be with me or not? If you want to, we'll find a way, work through this shit, and we'll get over it eventually. If not, then you don't. You're complicating things right now, confusing yourself with side issues that don't matter. Do you want this to work or not, yes or no?"

Kristen sat at the kitchen table for a moment, never once having looked at him or the book hiding his face, and when he thought she might actually want an answer right then, she stood up and walked into the bedroom. He listened to her change clothes and get into bed, her breathing evening out into sleep. If she hadn't slept, it meant she had been in one of her hiding spots thinking all night. Which made him feel better, because even though he knew Naruto had only meant to help, he would have been… something if she had spent the night there again. Mad? Jealous, perhaps? Or uneasy because Naruto would have become the one she ran to when things got hard? It didn't matter, because she hadn't gone to Naruto.

Was it really that simple, though? Maybe it was her oversimplified way of thinking, and what she thought were details were really huge issues. Being in a relationship because the council had tried to maneuver them into it was not a detail. Sure, they might not have ever gotten together, but they had, and it had been what the council had tried to create, so were they together for them or because it was manufactured by the council? That was the thought he could not let go of, the one that would haunt him until he found an answer. And until he found an answer, he really didn't know the answer to her question.

It was happening to her again.

That was the only thing she could think of, and it prompted the mother of all unhappy laughs from her. She had already gone through something frighteningly similar with her fiancée years ago, and once again she felt her life was a big, giant, fucking hamster wheel.

Somehow giving him time to figure out the answer to her question had become avoidance of the question, and that really meant only one thing. One thing that they were careful never to bring up, because once it was brought up, they couldn't pretend it was untrue. They would have to act, have to change, have to admit.

The lack of an answer to her question meant the answer was no.

She had been content to wait, because nobody really could predict how long they would need to think things through, no matter how simple she might have tried to make the whole issue sound. So a week had become two, which became a month, and six months later she lived every day with a sort of desperation, terribly unhappy but still trying to hang onto him while she had him. Because she knew the answer was no, and she knew herself well enough to know that she would not be lucky enough to find three perfect men in one lifetime, so she was squeezing every memory she could; even a bad memory was still a memory of him.

But it had to end sometime. And because he was the one that had to answer, he was the one who had to call it quits.

She had gotten back from a short mission, only a day to a neighboring town and back, and as soon as she had walked through the door and seen the lights turned out, she knew. It was his way of letting her know. Kristen had walked to the living room calmly, grateful for the numbness that seemed to cover her like a warm blanket. She sat down in a chair, and while she couldn't really see him on the couch for the lack of lights, she faced him all the same.

"Say what you have to say, Kakashi. No point in drawing it out."

"I want you to move out."

She had known it was coming, but she hadn't expected him to start at the end of the conversation, and it seemed to push all the air out of her lungs. It didn't help that once he got started, the words seemed to come easier to him and their assault was unrelenting.

"I can't figure out if I can still be with you, if I even want to, because I can't decide how much of us was real and how much was fake. I know you and I were real," it hurt her to hear him talking about them in the past tense already, which proved to her that he had been decided long ago, "but I can't not question everything when I know that this was supposed to happen because it was all planned. Maybe we can get back together in the future, but I just know I can't figure out anything when we're still together. So we need to take a break, I don't know for how long, but I need to think things through. I know you're ok with this, but I'm not. I need time, Kristen."

Kristen had always found it amusing how many words it took to build a relationship, and how little to destroy it. But the only thing that mattered was her dignity, because waiting for him had seemed to sap it the last few months, being too weak to break it off herself. Being careful not to let any of her anger seep into her body language or chakra, she rose and walked to the door, grabbing her abandoned pack and silently stuffing all her clothes and toiletries from the apartment. The bag was almost bursting when she was done, which was why she told herself she left one pair of her pajamas, the one that was actually an old shirt and boxers he had given her when she had first arrived in Konoha. Checking the room quickly to make sure she hadn't forgotten anything, she stood in view of the living room and deliberately turned a light on. What she had to say needed to be said in the light.

"This isn't a break, Hatake. We aren't together anymore, and we haven't been really since this whole thing started six months ago. I've been patiently waiting for you to decide, but it sounds like you had already decided a while ago and never told me. You can have your time, but I want you to understand something, Hatake. You are still my friend. I will still come to you for advice whether you can do the same with me or not. I refuse to let anyone ruin our friendship. I expect to see you at training with everyone else, and I expect you to not be all awkward, because we are not awkward friends. I have no idea what you need to figure out, but it's the middle of summer. If you haven't decided and told me what you have decided by winter, then I'll assume friends is all you want. I hate to give a time frame, which's why I'm trying to be vague, but I won't allow you to string me along like I have been for the last few months. I know you didn't really do it on purpose, but you won't do it to me again." She had been retrieving his door key from her ring of keys while she spoke, placing it on the coffee table deliberately. She made her way to the door, paused, and reached for the handle. Deciding to speak, she took a quick breath through her teeth before blowing it out again quickly.

"This doesn't have to be said, but I'm saying it anyway. We may not be together right now, but I won't be seeing anyone else, and if you think we might have a chance, then I would expect the same. If you don't want to tell me in person, you know I'll hear about it if you're with someone else, and I'll take that as a good enough answer. But I hope you can tell me yourself. I'll see you tomorrow morning. Take care, Hatake-san."

She was able to walk out proudly, her voice never wavering or falling unsteady, but she would have given anything to have seen his face once the door had closed.

Kristen remembered nothing of the walk back to her old apartment, too focused on not crying out in public. She hesitated as she passed by Naruto's door, but decided at the last second to keep going. Stepping into an apartment that smelled dusty, she dropped her bag and crawled into bed, unable to do anything other than retreat into sleep.

Kristen broke the day before Christmas. There was no Christmas in Konoha, so no one would understand the importance of it, but everything had become bleakly clear that day. She had been fooling herself. For weeks she had been getting smiles from the rest of the team that she couldn't interpret, but it had suddenly been all too clear. She had been stringing herself along, and those smiles had been ones of pity. Everyone else had known she was operating on a false hope every day, she had been the only one to not see it, apparently. They were well into the winter season, and she was still waiting. She told herself she wasn't, but she was. Even Naruto had been giving her pained smiles when he caught her looking at Hatake. So she did the only thing she could.

The plan came to her all too easily. Amazing how clearly one could think when they were no longer kidding themselves.

She began taking more missions, solo missions. Missions that kept her gone for extended periods of time. She painstakingly slowly cut back on team training and time spent with the team, quietly trained with people outside of Kakashi's social group. Eventually the only person who ever expected to see her was Naruto, and even that was limited once he started dating Hinata. It had been almost a year since Kakashi had broken up with her, and she was ready to leave. She was honest enough to admit she was running away, but Kakashi had shown little interest in maintaining their friendship, and she refused to chase after him. She didn't care if he found it awkward to go back to being friends, she had made her expectations clear, and he had pushed her away for the last time. She had only seen him during training anyway, and while she thought she had done very well to show he was still her best friend, he had acted skittish and aloof. Kristen could rationalize his excuses all day, but it still remained that he was no longer comfortable around her.

He had been with the team first, they were his friends first, so it was time for her to go.

Tsunade had been very reluctant to let her accept the mission she had asked for, alarmed when she announced her intention to take the mission no one else had wanted to. It was a two year mission, a solo mission with no possibility for reinforcements if something went wrong, and it was deep undercover. Kristen would cease to exist for two years. And it was perfect. She had been forced to tell her Hokage just enough about her failed relationship with Kakashi to get her to agree. It had been humiliating to tell her boss about her personal life, but anything was worth getting away. Secretly, she had no idea if she would even come back. She was taking every penny she had left after paying her rent for the next two years, and if she wasn't ready to come back, then she wouldn't. She had two years, while completing her mission, to scout for places to hide and live out the rest of her life. It wouldn't matter what Tsunade knew if Kristen never saw her again, would it?

It was because she was open to the reality that she might never come back that she had decided to tell Naruto goodbye. The whole point of taking non-stop missions and training was to get everyone used to not seeing her for weeks or months. Naruto had been the exception, and she owed him more than to disappear.

She needed one person to understand why she was leaving, even if he didn't agree. She needed to know she had someone worth saying goodbye to.

That was why she had convinced Naruto to go hike up to the top of the monument when he could have spent a precious day off with Hinata. She hadn't bothered to hide the urgency in her voice. The hike up had been silent; she had been trying to figure out what to say, and he had been worried about her. Honestly, he had been worried about her since she nearly froze to death in his tub, but it had seemed to slowly increase afterwards. He knew exactly when they had broken up, even if they hadn't told anyone else, and Naruto had been keeping an eye on her ever since. He knew things no one else did, things she thought were secret. He knew she gagged herself at night in case she had a nightmare, knew that her nightmares, which he had understood to be rather rare, had become nightly occurrences. He knew she had lost a lot of weight, and that she was careful to hide it. Naruto knew that she had been waiting for Kakashi to decide something, and that she had been eagerly waiting winter. When the start of winter came and went, he saw the subtle signs of depression that she hid so well, knew them only because he had learned how to hide it at a very young age. And he seemed to be the only one to take notice when her mission time tripled, when she gradually no longer had time to train with the team. Her skills had seemed to have increased the few times they had sparred together, so he suspected she was training with different people. He knew she used Hinata as an excuse to avoid him sometimes, but never to the point where he would put his foot down and demand to know what the hell she was doing. And all of a sudden everything had to be dropped because she had to spend the afternoon with him. Naruto knew he was scared of what she wanted to tell him when they got to the monument, and he wondered if this was how she felt when Kakashi had broken up with her.

Not being one for subtleties, the second they had reached the top of the monument and stood looking over the village he spoke.

"What's going on, Kris?"

"I'm leaving for two years, Naruto. You're the only one I'm telling, and I doubt anyone'll notice for a while."

"You've gone on so many missions lately, I think you're right… But that's what you wanted, isn't it?" It all made sense to him now. She wasn't leaving on a mission for two years, she was leaving.

"You're not coming back, are you?" He tried to see her face, but it was hard to tell what she was feeling by looking at her profile; she seemed to find the view of the village fascinating. After a few minutes, during which he never took his eyes off her, she sighed and let her head fall to her chest. She pulled on his sleeve to get him to sit on the ground, and she sat facing him, her legs tucked underneath each other. Now she would not look away, and he could see for the first time just how tired, how _old_ she looked. She was only thirty two, but she looked to easily be in her fifties; he could see a few gray hairs at her temples.

"I want to get away for a while, Naruto, so I took that mission that's been sitting around for a few months, the one that no one wants?"

"The recon in Water, Lightening, and Sound? That's S-class, Kris, possibly higher. How in the hell did you get Tsunade baa-chan to give you that?"

"I told her enough about why I want it. We aren't together, so there's no point in not giving it to me when the council will find someone else for Hatake. It's been a year, and the only friend I have is you. I tried to go back to being best friends with Hatake, but he's done everything he can to not be around me, you had to have noticed." She only waited for his reluctant nod before continuing. "I need to get away and find some peace, enlightenment, have an epiphany, something. I can't keep wasting away knowing that you're the only reason I get up in the morning. I need to have more, and you don't deserve that pressure. I know you don't care," she said over his loud objections, "but a person has to have more to live for and you know it. I'm done with men; Hatake was the second chance I thought I'd never get, and there's not enough left of me for a third, so I need a purpose."

"And if you find it somewhere else, you'll never come back and be labeled a missing nin? Is that the way you want to spend the rest of your life, looking over your shoulder and suppressing your chakra all day every day?! Hoping the hunters don't find you when you're fifty or sixty, when you're too old to take care of yourself and have no one to help you out?"

"I'm not leaving with the intention of not coming back, Naruto. But if I find something good, some place where I'm actually needed, really needed, then I'll stay. I've spent most of my life a civilian, it won't be too hard to go back to it. And you know I would never do anything against you, and Kohona. It's not my style." Kristen sighed, her shoulders dropping slightly.

"Naruto, it's gotten too small here. It's too easy to run into Sakura or Sasuke, or one of Hatake's many friends, and I'm sick to death of those goddamned pity smiles they all give me. The 'your life sucks and it makes me feel sorry for you because my life is so much better than you' smile that makes me want to jam a straw in their throats to give them a new breathing hole!" She had been shouting by the time she finished the sentence, and she had to take a minute to calm herself back down. He was alarmed to see anger she hadn't showed in a year, because he knew there was so much more underneath it, and he cursed Kakashi to hell.

"If I'm going to come back, I need to find myself, who I was before Kakashi changed me. You always change a little when you get in a relationship, and I got lost when he broke up with me. I'll be ok, I just need time, and this mission is giving me plenty of it. Will it make you feel better if I write letters to you with my official reports?" She was trying to shamelessly appease him, but some consolation was better than none.

"There's no way I can talk you out of this for purely selfish reasons?"

"'Fraid not."

"Then I expect more than a couple lines, and if you get laid I want to know who I have to kill. I know you'll never get back with Kakashi, but it's my brotherly duty to be insanely protective of you when it comes to guys and their dicks in your personal space."

She reached forward and gave him a hug that quickly turned clingy and desperate, and he tightened his arms around her painfully when he heard her first sob. No matter how much she needed it, he knew it was hard to officially admit defeat by leaving, to say goodbye to something she had wanted so badly. Kristen only allowed herself a few minutes' weakness before composing herself, as there were still things she wanted to say.

"Sorry I got snot on your shirt," was not one of those things, however.

"It's ok. It's ok when it's family, or Hinata."

She sat up and wiped her nose on her sleeve, feeling a little lighter. Telling Naruto her intention had been the point of no return, and it was a relief to know that there was no more backing out for her.

"I've paid the rent on my apartment for the next two years, but if you could keep an eye on it for me… The chakra lock will only take yours and mine, so you shouldn't have a problem getting in. I think that's it, hon. I don't have any plants except the plastic ones, so please don't water them."

"What should I tell Kakashi? You know he'll figure out you're gone eventually. How much do you want me to tell him, Kris?" His question was quiet and tentative, and she leaned her forehead against his chest, hiding her face as she thought about it.

"It never occurred to me he would. I guess… I don't know him anymore, so I'll leave that up to you. Tell him everything, nothing, whatever you want. It doesn't matter what he knows, because it's dead. He's had a year's worth of chances, and that's a helluva lot more than any chick I've ever known would have given him. So I don't care, really. Whatever you feel comfortable telling him, Naruto, I trust your judgement."

"I'm gonna miss you. I hope you come back."

"I honestly plan to, Naruto. Friends like you are rare, and I'm not one to stupidly throw that away. If my plans change, you will be the one I tell, and I'll tell you why. But I plan on coming home in two years, hopefully before my brother gets married."

The blush on his face was rewarded with the first true Kristen laugh he had heard in a long time, which made it worth it. She burrowed into his lap, pulling his arms around her waist, and they spent the rest of the afternoon staring out over the view and talking occasionally about absolutely nothing. It was the perfect way to say goodbye.

It was just before dawn that she signed herself out at the gate, and even though she cursed herself for the weakness, she looked behind her one last time, hoping a futile hope that he would somehow be there to ask her to stay. He wasn't, of course, so she turned around and started walking without saying a goodbye, not even a mental one. The time for goodbyes was over, the time to explore her new world starting. She could only hope she would be a better person when she came back.

And she would be back, one way or another.

A/N: Yes, there will be a sequel, it's all part of my master plan for total world something or other. While this story had dealt with Kakashi's POV more than Kristen's, the sequel will have more of hers. For all of you familiar with my old penname, you understand how rare it is for me to actually finish a story, so mini hand wave in celebration of me! I've already started the sequel, but I warn you I don't have it all figured out yet, so it won't come as quickly as this one has. Thanks for reading, you guys make it all worth it!!


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